MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

[NoSourDough]

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

Go, your DH is happy with it.

If it was my MIL there's no way I'd go. I'd want to be with her as much as possible.

In your situation though I'd take DD, but there is absolutely no way I'd expect DH to leave his mum.

He has told me to go. I would tell him to go.

My gut is actually saying that she will keep going a few weeks and will still be here when we get back.

I would go.

And if I was in your DH’s shoes I would want you to go. I wouldn’t want to be worrying about you and DD missing the holiday, on top of my grief about my mum.

I wouldn't go.
If it were the opposite scenario, so if your DM was this ill, would you mind if DH took your child on holiday and left you alone to potentially watch your DM die?

That's hard for you all.I'd go.
We can't always remove all the negatives from a particular course of action, but there are things that might help:
Visit your MIL before you go and speak to her .It's said hearing is the last of the senses to go; even if she's unresponsive. Tell her her son is staying with her and how much all of you care. Whatever you would normally want to say.

Then go, have a different, but special, time with your daughter.
Your husband is suggesting the sensible thing for you all and it could be a consolation for him to know you and your daughter are doing this.

Discuss what you will do if your Mil passes away while you are away.
Get yourself set up with the right phone plan so you can be sure you're in good contact.
Wishing you well.

Why are you worrying about traveling on your own?

I was a single parent and took my DD to Greek islands several times. We didn't feel unsafe at all.

What would be the point in coming home then?

I’ve never done it before - I’m sure I will be fine.

It was just mum and me my whole life. We’ve gone backpacking in India and all sorts. A trip to one of the most upmarket Greek islands will be fine and it will be good to get your dd out the way so your dh can grieve exactly how he wants, whether that’s crying in bed or drinking beers watching the tv in his pants.

he had said stay then I would, but there’s going to be a load of shit work to do and your dd will still need entertaining and occupying. Your dh is probably relieved that he can get on with things without having to look after dd and house.

I can't comment on the MIL bit as I have never been in that situation. But, I have a DC the same age as yours, and we travel on our own together loads, as I get more annual holiday than DH. So me and DC will quite often go on a little adventure, just the two of us. It's great, and we've never had a problem. You will be fine.

This

Your dh can't go, he wants to be there as very likely mil will die in the next 10 days. She might not but not worth the risk.

As dh happy for you to take dc i would go so that dc does not miss out. Won't be the holiday you planned but best option in the circumstances.

Take your child on her first holiday. It’s a hard decision but go. I was similar a couple of years ago but it was my parent. Didn’t know whether to go or not but decided they would want us to and if they did survive they as be cross that we didn’t go. My parent waited until we were home before they passed which in hindsight I was pleased about. No the holiday wasn’t the best for me but my kids loved it! I’m glad I went. If it hadn’t been for the three kids being so excited I would have cancelled but it’s hard to do that to excited kids. The rest of the summer was quite boring for them with me making funeral arrangements etc so I was pleased they’d had a holiday at least.

Don't be a dick, of course she is a little concerned, if only because yesterday she hadn't even considered the idea.

A holiday with just her is different to being with her husband. There are other things to be considered not least that everything is on you.

If your husband is happy you should go

I wouldn’t go if this happened to us as I would be really upset myself as I think a lot of my MIL and I know my husband and siblings would need my support. Also have a child similar age who would want to be around his Nanna, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the holiday and would have a million questions.

However if your DH wants you to go and your DD still wants to go then you aren’t doing anything wrong.

Absolutely go

Santorini is very safe

Only you know the people involved.

Is your DH just trying to be stoic or would he genuinely prefer you went? He may prefer to have your support at home or he may prefer the space, or feel guilty about your DC missing a holiday which might be an extra emotional burden he doesn’t need.

What would your MIL want? Many people don’t want fuss and drama and would hate to think of her DG and DIL missing a holiday. Others would feel family should be together.

Would you and DC enjoy the holiday knowing what’s happening at home. You’ll be absolutely fine in Santorini alone, it’s more about how you feel emotionally.

On a practical level I’d check the availability and costs of last minute flights if anything changes - say MIL dies and DH feels he needs you back - would you be able to fly back?

I would go. Could you see if a friend or family member could come with you if the airline will let you change to another traveller? May cost but would save you being on your own with DD.

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

Go! I've been to Santorini - 3x actually - with my son solo. It's very safe, will be packed to the gills though now at the height of summer.

It's a stunning island. Good bus service too and it has beaches!

We tried yesterday, we were outside of the “48 hour period” with Jet2 to see if my friend could come but they said no it counts as “days” not hours! So unreasonable!

I would go with your DD and let your husband take things one day at a time.

Go. I would tell my partner to go in similar circumstances.