MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

[NoSourDough]

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

Hope you’re enjoying a glass of something cold with your husband after a stressful few days.

You’d have been fine travelling with your daughter alone though. Especially on a package holiday. Have faith in yourself! And enjoy your holiday

Go on holiday for your DD if you think DH can cope at home.

Sorry to hear this OP. If you decide to go (and that’s probably a good idea) Jet2 will look after you very well, and Greece is wonderful country to travel solo (as I do) or with children. Santorini tho, at this time of year, will be busy.

Hi op,

yes your dh needs to be with his mother. If anything happen…he might not forgive you forcing this.

Just go with your DD. He will be sad to not have come but think worst case scenario. Then make your plan around it.

Good luck 🌺

I have to say I feel the same. Couldn’t imagine being on holidays while my DH was dealing with such a difficult situation. Not a judgement, just me. Hope you’re all okay. Not an easy one on either front.

I would definitely go. I hope things go well OP X

Go.

OP hasn't forced anything. DH told her to go. Send his brother had persuaded him to join her.

I do wish people would read OPs' posts on threads like this one.

That’s so horrible! You’d leave your dying parent just to go on holiday???

@NoSourDough if DH is ok with it I’d go, if you feel you want to. If it is a package and she should pass and DH wants you to come back (may not be any point as funeral could be 2-3 weeks and DH may not want you to) then TUI and Jet2 are usually pretty helpful … you will be as safe as at home.

I’ve just followed this by reading your comments OP.

Im really glad DP is planning to go. It sounds like you all need and deserve it - have a lovely time! x

This

I couldn't go personally.

Go. Your daughter will do better on holiday (by the way Santorini is perfectly safe) and your DH will stay with his mum as he wants to do.
If she should die while you're away, I wouldn't rush back either. DH has the support of his brother and an extra drama would not be helpful for your girl.

I have to admit I respect the pragmatic approach. There’s nothing you or your dd can do, you might as well get some enjoyment out of your holiday.

Sadly for me this is in stark contrast to how my family operates. We are Mediterranean so coming together as a family is just the done thing. Even when it makes everyone more agitated. The older generation have a word for this behaviour which they associate with Western Europeans who are viewed as cold and a bit selfish. It was said when they saw my husband wanting to split a bill. But I view it as sensible tbh.

I would go on my own with the child. Travelling alone with a 12 year old on a package holiday is quite straight forward.

I am travelling a lot on my own with my children. Hard work when they were younger and there were two of them but not with one. I am right now on holiday alone with my 12-year old. It's not a package and we travelled 10 hours by train yesterday. It's all fine at that age.

Oh how I wish you had read well what I wrote too 😵‍💫 this wouldn’t be ackward…

Never said she did but that she shouldn’t as it is important for him to attend his mom.

passive aggressive aren’t ya’?

Arf^ 🌺

A mother who has been ill for 2 years and who is a horrible person and they are currently stable... so yes I would!

And quite frankly if it was me dying I'd be furious if my kids and grandchildren missed a holiday just in case I stuffed it!!!

I think that’s utterly selfish! How could you enjoy a holiday knowing your parent was dying alone?

The MIL obviously has contact with both sons, so it’s not like they have cut her out of their lives - it really is remarkable how selfish people are.

They're not dying alone. The brother is there.

Well a) it’s selfish to leave your sibling to deal with it alone and b) how could you possibly have a good time on holiday knowing your mother is dying at home?

Definitely go but without your husband. I flew to Crete on my own with a 4 and 5 year old. We were fine , will give you and your little one some time alone together.

@Lizzie67384 the brother has told them to go on holiday. The mother has stabilised. She has been bed bound for 2 years. Do you never go on holiday until she dies?

I suspect the brother thinks he should say they’re welcome to go on holiday, but if my brother said that to me, I’d obviously know the right thing to do would be to stay.

The original post was that the MIL had suffered strokes and was likely to die imminently. Of course, if there is no pressing urgency then they should go but from what OP originally wrote it sounded like the MIL was likely to die soon.

If my mother suffered a series of strokes and was unresponsive in hospital, I certainly wouldn’t be going off on holiday, I mean could you even enjoy it? I’d also be concerned about the lesson I was teaching my child - but I guess, reap what you sow? Perhaps the op’s daughter will go on holiday in a similar situation and maybe op is fine with that.

@Lizzie67384 and if it were you who was dying, would you want death bed scenario or would you rather your family went on holiday?

If my mother was a narcissistic witch who had been ill for 2 years and currently stable then yes I'd go.

My grandfather did not want anyone grieving for him, just celebrating his life, and would have been very cross if I'd given up a family holiday to wait for him to die.

It's just death. It will happen when it happens whether the OP is there or not. They're not close so no benefit of "being there".