Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

387 replies

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:35

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

OP posts:

julydecembermay · 01/08/2024 08:45

Go.

olympicsrock · 01/08/2024 08:45

I’m so sorry . Speak to the consultant. My reading ( medic) is that if she is unresponsive after stroke and palliative is that she is highly likely to die in the next 10 days.
If DH knows this and is ok for you to take DD on holiday - go. Say your goodbye first. If you would want to be there to support DH you should stay at home.

edwinbear · 01/08/2024 08:46

Does your DD still want to go? If she does, then yes, I'd still go. You'll be absolutely fine the two of you, I often take DC (12 & 14) away by myself for an odd week when DH is working and we have a great time, it's not like she's a toddler which would be harder. Your DH might find it easier being able to fully focus on his mum, along with his brother, during such a difficult time. Ultimately, you need to do what you as a family think is the right thing to do though and so sorry you're having to deal with this.

neilyoungismyhero · 01/08/2024 08:46

Sorry you're all in this situation OP. A sad time. Your husband has told you to go and not sure why you feel nervous about travelling with your daughter- she's 12 after all. Take it a day at a time as regards MIL's condition.

randoname · 01/08/2024 08:47

FatmanandKnobbin · 01/08/2024 08:40

I don't think I would go.

How much is dd likely to enjoy her holiday? You'll be worried about your dh, you'll feel forever guilty if she dies when you're away.

There will be other holidays, but this is a time that will never be repeated.

It's a really tough one, and there is no right or wrong here, so don't feel guilty if you do go, you have your dhs blessing.

Why would she feel guilty? Mil is unaware.

OP if dh gets on well with his brother and you feel he’s not just being noble telling you to go, go.
I know when my parents die I want to be there, for my brothers and focused on my family of origin. DH, lovely as he is, won’t really feature.

WouldUSayImWorthy · 01/08/2024 08:47

Definitely go, you'll have a lovely girls holiday. It's not like taking a toddler.

Hoppinggreen · 01/08/2024 08:48

My Mum died when we were on holiday and we didn't fly back early (it was 3 days before we were due to leave). My brother dealt with the immediate aftermath as there wasn't anything for me to do in practical terms and he was fine to manage the transfer to a funeral home etc.
If your DH feels he can't go then I would still go in your shoes, you will be fine

ComealongMartha · 01/08/2024 08:48

Thinking back to when my MIL was dying I don’t think that I could even if my Dh said to.

Only you can decide really.

RoseAndRose · 01/08/2024 08:48

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

You'll be fine. There's nothing about that destination that's unsafe or unsuitable.

You're shaken up, which is an entirely normal reaction and that's probably what's making you fret. But you'll be fine once you get going, and turn your energies in to making sure its a good holiday for DC.

Airdustmoon · 01/08/2024 08:49

This happened to my family when I was a teenager. We went on the holiday with one parent. The other came and joined us a few days later when it had become clear that actually death wasn’t imminent. My grandma didn’t end up dying until the October nearly 2 months later - even though she too was on palliative care and didn’t come out of hospital. I would go - your DC will thank you for it.

jay55 · 01/08/2024 08:49

Go, might make things easier on your husband to be able to just do what he needs to for a few days without worrying about you. He and his brother will likely want time together too.

fedupwithbeingcold · 01/08/2024 08:49

I've always traveled alone with my child (divorced ) even to remote countries. You'll be absolutely fine. Just go

Snacksgalore · 01/08/2024 08:50

Is it a package deal? Who with?

TUI allowed us to move our holiday to a much later date free of charge when my Mum was moved onto pallative care.

Galoop · 01/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't. You should support your husband. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

TheSecretIsland · 01/08/2024 08:52

Yes I'd go. But I'd also go if I was your dh. Sadly you have already lost MIL if she in unconscious in hospital.

OMGsamesame · 01/08/2024 08:53

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

What, specifically are you nervous about? Greece is a very easy place to visit.

(I would also follow your DH lead. If things change while you're there and you need/want to come back early then you'll have that option, you can still check in with your DH regularly while you're away).

OMGsamesame · 01/08/2024 08:53

Galoop · 01/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't. You should support your husband. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

He has said they should go.

Needanewname42 · 01/08/2024 08:53

I'd double check with insurance. MIL is an immediate relative.

But failing that I think you should take DD. I can't imagine wanting to go on holiday if my mum was receiving palliative care after a stroke.
However of the 3 oldies I know who died after a stoke 1 was immediate, the other 2 lasted about 6 weeks.

Might be worth asking the Doctors what timeline they'd give her.

Original poster

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:53

Thank you all so much, really appreciate these comments and guidance.

It’s a package with Jet2.

OP posts:

Dopaminefuelled · 01/08/2024 08:53

When my DM had a stroke the travel insurance covered my holiday which was 2 months after the stroke due to ongoing hospitalisation. They covered for me, DP and DD.

Soontobe60 · 01/08/2024 08:53

Personally I wouldn’t go. I would want to support my husband.

theeyeofdoe · 01/08/2024 08:53

I've been on holiday many times with my three children without DH (he's really fussy about holidays and we can't afford the ones he likes more than once a year).
I suspect your DH also just won't feel like a holiday.

MouseofCommons · 01/08/2024 08:54

Go. I'm sure your MIL would want her granddaughter to have a holiday. As long as your DD is OK with it then it's a shame to miss out.

WimpoleHat · 01/08/2024 08:54

jay55 · 01/08/2024 08:49

Go, might make things easier on your husband to be able to just do what he needs to for a few days without worrying about you. He and his brother will likely want time together too.

I thought this too - in the nicest possible way, it might be easier for him if you’re not there (especially as you’ll all be - understandably- disappointed about the holiday). Find out what your DH genuinely wants and do it. Travelling with a 12 year old is absolutely no problem, especially given you’re going to a major resort. All best wishes to you all; horrible thing to deal with.

CrumpledBankNote · 01/08/2024 08:54

Can it not be pushed back? Even if there's an administration fee etc.

High likelihood is she will die whilst you're away - brother or not I would never leave my husband to deal with that without my support.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Swipe left for the next trending thread