MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

[NoSourDough]

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

Just read your post that she was a cowbag to her children. Definitely go. She doesn’t deserve to negatively impact any more lives.

Santorini is a bit like a purpose-built theme park on a pretty Greek island minus the rides. You will be fine.The biggest threat is from hundreds of Instagrammers trying to get the best selfie of themselves in front of a blue domed-church or the sunset…

Wishing your family well and hope your husband is okay. I would go and I would want my husband to go if the situation was reversed.

You should go this could be an amazing mum daughter bonding moment without a man hanging around. You could go to the spa and have a real girls holiday

just come back to this thread and read all the comments, thanks to everyone who took the time.

she has stabilised over the past 24 hours. He has decided to come along after massive persuasion by his DB. If anything changes between now and our flight time then we won’t go but she could very well be in this condition for weeks. So he is coming with us for now.

I think that is the right call by your DH for what it's worth @NoSourDough I hope you can all reasonably enjoy your holiday, in spite of thinking about your MILs situation. But none of you can do anything and your MIL won't know who is there, or not if she's non-responsive.

My situation was different to yours - but lots of similarities too. I was on the point of a nervous breakdown dealing with my elderly Mother, who was always a very difficult lady, very selfish and very self-centred, but I did my best for her which was never enough sadly. I desperately, desperately needed the holiday I went on - and for once the last time I saw her had been a good visit.

She too had a stroke, and after much thought I decided not to rush home again, because I couldn't see what help I could be. She had other family who hardly ever saw her, but they were pulling out all the stops, for once, to be with her in the hospital. So she was not alone. She died on the day we were coming home, but before we got there. I am sad she died, but I have never regretted that decision. For me, it was the right thing to do.

Brilliant. Have a lovely holiday x

Good @NoSourDough I hope you all have a lovely time

Good for your brother in law. I'm glad your DH let himself be persuaded. I hope you have a lovely holiday.

I think you made the right decision, it will be a change of scene for both you and DH, especially given his recent illness too. He has been in attendance and will be again when the holiday is over. His brother sounds very kind and they will be able to support each other which is a blessing.
It's a difficult time for all DH's family but it would be difficult for him where ever he was. I found in those situations that it was so comforting to have your DC with you. Things like this make you realise that all your time is precious, you are both doing something kind for your dear DC and you have your BILs blessing.
I hope you both have a relaxing break and are better fortified to deal with the situation when you return. Best wishes.

The brother is a star 🌟
Fingers crossed she continues to be stable and you get to enjoy your holiday.

It sounds badly needed.

I would go if you think your dh is supported by his family.
with regard to going on your own- Santorini is a safe place. I went solo with my 9 year old to Rome earlier in year and it was great bonding for the 2 of us.
is there the option of transferring his ticket to a friend of yours?

That's good. I hope he can go, this is his family now and a special holiday you've been looking forward to. His brother is right.

@NoSourDough Good news for all
of you. There seemed to be little consideration of your DD in this thread at times. She needs this holiday and, honestly, if someone elderly dies, what on earth can you do? My DM died recently. Family members not around. I was the only visitor near the end. Stay in touch with brother but have a holiday. There’s truly not much you can do. Bigger decisions later on I suspect.

I would go, but not for one second blame your husband for not going.

Of course. I'm a single mum and took my 3 daughters to Greece the other year.

Agree the brother is a star. Plan on bringing him back a nice bottle and if necessary doing a lot of the hospital visiting for several weeks when back. From personal experience this could be months with several hospital dashes along the way.

Go. If anything, this shows you how precious life is and you should live it to the full. Greece is very safe & beautiful and you'll have a wonderful time together, I'm sure. Your mil is in safe hands and with her children.

You will be fine Santorini is safe and the Greeks love children

Ho OP. I hope you are on your way to Greece with DD. You will have a great time and unfortunately these elderly health issues can stretch on. You will be better rested and refreshed to support DH when you get back and also he can focus on the family situ whilst ensuring that DD has a lovely holiday. Best of luck. ( Similarly dithering over a holiday here with an elderly & ill FIL - who is insisting that everyone go on holiday).

I would go. Can understand your husband wants to stay with his mum. Have been to Santorini many times, it’s a very friendly and safe place.

Going against the flow here I wouldn't go husband is only going to lose his Mother once there will be other holidays for your daughter.

Yes, l'd feel safe. Go.

Best decision OP. I hope you’re sitting outside a taverna in Santorini now having a lovely dinner and a glass of wine or a cocktail

Honestly go, many years ago my DGM was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before I was due to go on holiday, she insisted that I went. Her op went well, however a few days later she suffered a massive bleed and was declared brain dead the day we flew home. I was able to say goodbye as she died a day after I came home.

Az someone who has health issues etc... and your DH has said to go, and I've travelled on my own with DC many times.... go... and have fun...
There are more than 13 pages so I've not seen all the updates... so, unless there is a pressing reason to stay, go and have hmfun with the kids