I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

It depends with what.

I wouldn't employ a nanny who was persistently late because that would be a welfare concern, with children needing to be picked up from school and such.

But I probably wouldn't have such a big issue with e.g. a craftsperson running behind on an order.

This is me. Diagnosed with ADHD in my late forties. Timekeeping is the most stressful thing in my life - I put huge amounts of pressure on myself to be on time, and if I’m (inevitably) running late, the anxiety causes me to have a panic attack. I’ve lost jobs and friendships over it, missed trains and flights - believe me, I WISH this was about me being lazy because then I could fix it.

I have adhd, autism, dyspraxia and anxiety. I am usually either ridiculously early or, more often, late. For me being on time for things I don’t do everyday is hard, so getting to work on time is usually okay as I have a routine but getting to social events is difficult. find it hard to estimate how long it will take me to get ready, to get somewhere, to find parking etc, I think it will take me half an hour to get showered and dressed but then it takes 40 minutes because I end up panicking about what to wear and whether I’ll be laughed at and end up changing 3 times. I think it will take 20 minutes to drive somewhere but i get lost and it takes 30. If I’m ready to go too early and have extra time before I need to leave I’ll end up doing something else meaning I get distracted and then often end up leaving late even though i was ready early. I hate arriving too early as I have social anxiety so don’t like to enter for example a restaurant if no one else will be there yet.

I aim to set alarms but sometimes I forget to do so, I will think ‘I must set an alarm’ but then get distracted on my way to do so and it won’t get done. I also have anxiety about leaving the house so sometimes I can leave the house on time but then I get half way down the street and think maybe I forgot to lock the door so I have to drive back home and go and check the door or that I haven’t left something plugged in etc. I can have to do this several times if my anxiety is really bad or end up going around having to photograph things like windows so I know they’re shut and the oven so I know it’s off etc. Sometimes I get in my car on time but the petrol light comes on so I have to stop on the way but didn’t factor that in. I’m not very good at following my satnav either so if I am going somewhere new I will often take a wrong turning somewhere and end up needing to reroute. All of these things mean I can end up being later than I planned, it’s not intentional and I hate keeping people waiting and it makes me stressed knowing I’m going to be late but being stressed spikes my anxiety so the later I’ll be the more likely to need to go turn around and go back home and check the doors/ plugs etc before I can leave again or I’m more likely to make a wrong turn somewhere. I do always let people know I’m going to be late if I can but being on time is just not easy for me, I try very hard not to be late, probably harder than lots of people who still manage to be on time, but sometimes it still happens.

No, I'm at the airport two hours before I need to be because I'm that anxious about it. I try my best in day to day life, but I can't maintain that level of anxiety for day to day things.

Yanbu the problem is they are capable of being on time for things like an appointment, work or picking their kids up from school so their is no reason to be an hour late meeting a friend

Feel free to cut me out of your life. I care not.

It's not a formal diagnosis though. I know I have it, but I can't present a formal assessment like I maybe could with Autism or Dyslexia because I don't think they exist. I spent many frustrating years getting upset and beating myself up about why I- as a seemingly intelligent woman- found this one thing so hard before I read about it and it clicked. Ironically I'm very good at producing accurate project management plans and diary management schedules, I understand theoretical time management. The issue is routed in a cognitive processing of time passing in the moment.

I read a fascinating study where they compared those with self reported time blindness and the general population and asked them to press a button when they thought 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes etc. passed and those with time blindness were way out (overestimating), and were similarly way out when estimating how long an activity had taken them (underestimating the time taken). I feel like time just slips away. I think it couples with my ADHD because I will forget to focus on the time and I'll get distracted by something else.

I don't think I've ever called it time blindness to my friends, but they just sort of understood without it being spoken. We have fallen into a pattern of communication instead. We will aim to go for a coffee around 2pm, and then sort of check in from 1pm onwards, and I'll text when I'm leaving my house and my friend will leave when I am. Or my friend will say she'll be in town running some errands or looking at the shops so just text her when I'm in and she'll come down to the cafe then. If we are seeing something like a show we won't meet at the theatre, we will meet in the pub first because the timing is less important. I care deeply about my friends and I love them so much for accommodating me. If I've screwed up the time I'll try and get the bill.

Are you for real?

ADHD or not, ableism can be internal.

Time blindness is a thing. I have it myself and I have to manage it every day with my calendar app, timers and reminders. I am on time but often, just on time. I am a late diagnosed woman and I had massive issues with this in my 20s until I learned to organise myself within my own pitfalls.

Great stuff for you that you don't have an issue with it but remember it's a spectrum. And yes, people do experience stuff differently.

It's fine to hate lateness but to deny an actual aspect of a disability is just unbelievable. Don't judge everyone by your own abilities.

You're so fab for being so honest and sharing, thank you - I hope other people on this thread read your post and adjust their thinking.

I line manage someone who experiences all of what you have articulated very well. It was a bit of a learning curve for me when I started working with her (a year ago tomorrow!) but I went in with an open mind and wanting to understand her as a person, not a set of symptoms. I love how we work together now, there are things that we both pre-empt she won't be able to do, so I make alternative arrangements and then run them by her so she doesn't feel bypassed. We have a good system and it's genuinely no different to making adjustments for anyone else.

You can always tell who’s had a shit day and is intent on arguing with a random stranger online because of a difference in opinion. 😁

I used to think that chronically late people would be on time to stuff that was important to them. That was until I went to my chronically late friends wedding. She was 50 minutes late and only started waking down the aisle after threats from the registrar that they would leave and no wedding would take place.

@Arlanymor And yes I am being rude saying that, but you were rude too, so phhhhhh really.

What an earth does phhhhhh mean??? I have never seen this term before.

Absolutely correct, but I have one question:

Why do you set your alarm for 6 and get up at 6.30? What are you doing for half an hour?!

I don't think it is a term, it's just the sound your mouth makes when you blow air out through your lips! That frustration sound!

A bit like when horses breath through their noses! Phhhhhh!

Judging other people for having a genuinely recognised medical symptom?!

It sounds to me that 90% of this is anxiety.

What have you done to resolve this?

I agree op, constant lateness is incredibly rude and selfish.

The fuck? She's outlined her diagnoses. Who are you to question how she manages them?

Because I have daily seizures and still manage to not be late? Imagine having a tonic clonic and still not being late. That is my life.

Unless I have a seizure when I’m meant to leave I’m never late for anything.

Snoozing! Don't we all do that?! I love that extra half an hour 😍

Have you read the responses on your thread? You can be supercilious all you like, but many people have very genuine struggles and it's not just something they can easily overcome. If you can always be on time then be grateful for that, but don't dump on other people. That's a bad look.

Maybe the poster has avoided having "friends" who add to her anxiety? Just a thought.

I have daily seizures. What can’t you understand about that? How horrific that is for someone?

It’s still not an excuse to be late! It’s disrespectful and so easily remedied by planning ahead. Honestly unless an emergency happens (like having a fucking seizure that renders you unconscious or another disability that is equally detrimental) there is no excuse

But if you have time blindness it doesn't matter what time you get up. It is actually worse the times you try getting up extra early because your brain tricks you into relaxing because you have given yourself plenty of time.

If you have time blindness you might run your example morning perfectly. You are ready by 9.30, brilliant. You relax because you can chill until 10.10 and you check the time and it's 9.50, you are doing good. Then you check the time thinking it must be time to go in a couple of minutes and somehow it's now 10.23 and how-the-fuck-did-that-happen and you are running down the road all sweaty and yuck and so angry and upset at yourself. Every bloody time. It's like someone steals chunks of time the second you take your eye off the clock. With time blindness the only way to do it is to keep yourself in a state of anxiety from 9.30 until 10.10 and don't let yourself relax- which is very uncomfortable/ stressful to do and will turn you into a nervous wreck if you try and run your life like this.

@Cadela

I'm puzzled why your epilepsy isn't under control.
I have epilepsy, too, and it did take an awfully long time to get the dosage right.

I still have the 'little' ones, and the big ones wipe me out for days. It's been a long time since I last had one.
I don't know how you're able to function with having so many, so often.