I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

Actually they aren’t my words. I can’t remember whose they were but they are upthread as part of the “ this is why you shouldn’t be late” argument.

Ah I see. OK. We all have a lot going on in our lives. No one is any busier than anyone else.

Well, no, that just isn't true is it.

The business Olympics. I am not here for it really. Because that top trumps never ends and airports don't care.

Busyness not business!

No, they don't. But I'm not an airport and people who lounge around taking 5 hours to get ready and then want a medal for being on time really aren't my cup of tea.

Yeah but maybe they should then use pen and paper and work backwards. Then add 30 minutes as a buffer.
It's really not rocket science, is it?
No-one's time should be more important than someone else's - it's just about showing consideration and respect.

They don't want medals @TheCompactPussycat. The drama! They simply want you to be on time. I don't know where you get 5 hrs from. Do you think punctual people don't work or parent or look after the elderly? That seems to be the implication on this thread.

Anyway what I get from this we should all make our own friends. I don't have that many friends, but the time blind ones have been asked to meet for coffee and the other ones invited to the cinema, gigs, talks, theatre, and trips away. I think that's fair. Should offend no one. None of us have small DC any more, all of us work, so we are more or less equal.

I didn’t hurl insults, I am genuinely surprised that you have mates because the way you come across on this thread is as unlikeable

So disingenuous. In what world is ‘I am surprised you have friends’ not an insult?? And calling someone unlikeable is hardly a compliment.

Let's dissect this response

They simply want you to be on time. I generally am. What I said was that I don't care if others are sometimes a bit late. Was that really so hard to read and comprehend?

I don't know where you get 5 hrs from. The OP sets her alarm for 6am for an event that starts at 11am. That's 5 hours in most people's books. Yes, she has to pick up the friend at 10.30, which is why I have also referred to 4.5 hours at times.

Do you think punctual people don't work or parent or look after the elderly? Weird thing to ask. At no point have I said that punctual people don't have normal everyday things to do. I merely said that people who cram a lot of extra things in on top of the normal things tend to be the people I find more interesting.

You seem to want to paint me as someone who is chronically late and you want to tell me how wrong I am. But I'm not someone who is chronically late. I am almost always on time (not always, shit happens to all of us). All I'm saying is that I'm really not that bothered when my friends are late because they are the type of people who will always try to cram extra stuff into the time they have and I like that about them.

As I mentioned in my last post;

I time how long it takes me to do routine things and write it down.

I do as much as I can the night before eg lay out or even try on outfits , pack my bag, check the car has petrol or my bus pass is in my purse ,

I have duplicates of things that live in my handbag all the time eg power bank for phone, inhaler for asthma, painkillers, make up, hairbrush . That way I’m not moving itens and I can’t forget them.

I put everything I need to take with me by the front door / in the car if appropriate.

I check travel times on google maps ( for the correct departure time ) or bus / train timetables

The night before I write a timetable, I know this will be correct because I’ve timed things like having a shower. I don’t need to “ estimate “, I know the average time it takes .

eg I have a a longer slot if it’s a luxury shower with time to shave or put intense conditioner on my hair, basic make up is 5 mins, fancy make up is 15 etc

Everything is on that list and has a time allocation. I have trained myself to NOT do anything that’s not on the list until everything else is done and I’m ready to go.

So when I spot that the dishwasher needs unloaded and I’m tempted to just do it “ because it will only take a minute “ I have to remind myself that I’m not a good judge of time . So why would I try to do something I’m bad at when I’m stressed and in a hurry? It’s like someone with no sense of direction deciding not to use a map because other people have a good sense of direction and no doubt that gift was bestowed on them overnight by a good fairy and now is the time to test that out .

If I decide that “ emptying the dishwasher “ is a job I want to add to my morning routine I need to time it under no stress conditions for say 10 times and then I have the correct time allocation for it.

I’ve also trained myself to set alarms on my phone and not ignore them. The second bit is where most people go wrong .

Sometimes I have to actually say the word / words out loud as I go from one room to the other, so I don’t get distracted eg floss and brush teeth

I have a check list for “ things to do before leaving the house “. I don’t need to take photos of what I’ve done but I know some people do.

This way I can play to my strengths ( planning ahead , writing things down ) and not my weaknesses ( anxious, making poor decisions under stress , getting distracted ).

The point is, it isn't rocket science for YOU. There's been an awful lot of threads on Mumsnet from people with various executive functioning problems who have tried to explain this point about various things. Basic addition and subtraction isn't rocket science to many people. For me, having an SLD, it is.
It's almost like we are right back at the beginnings of understanding that people find different things difficult because their brains work differently. An actual rocket scientist may actually find being on time harder than their job. Methods that work for others may not work for them.
We really shouldn't still be struggling with this concept in 2024. Especially not someone like OP who has ADHD. A condition dismissed for many years as 'not a thing' and often still dismissed.
Be grateful you don't find timekeeping 'rocket science' and try to imagine what it must be like to find something others manage to do more easily really difficult.

This is a good post. And yes, a rocket scientist is exactly the type I envisage having time keeping issues!

About 95% plus of lateness I think is completely avoidable. I am with the OP on this.

I host a work call most days, and do not 'give it a couple of minutes'. Everyone knows this and so they turn up on time.

It does seem like common sense not to organise anything time sensitive with people if you know they’re likely to be late.

Well done @Y0URSELF for taking control of the situation.

My sister probably has ADHD and time blindness which I do accept is a thing. My frustration is her lack of effort to put systems in place. Her timeblindness affects everyone around her. Her children are stressed because she is late bringing them places, they have no routine in the house because even though she knows they need dinner, she waits until they are all hungry to start preparing it.
She is always late meeting me, I have spoken to her about it and she didnt talk to me for weeks because I asked her to let me know by call or text when she knew she was going to be late ie if we were meeting at 2pm and she hadnt left her house by 1.30pm - please call and let me know so I can amend my plans.

My frustration is the lack of effort to make any changes. For example she has no clock in her house and constantly loses her phone so often has no way of telling the time.

She gets involved in tasks she hasn't planned for before she leaves and so is even later. She freely admits these issues but does nothing about it.

It has hugely impacted on our relationship . I am more than happy to make reasonable accommodation for someone but I do expect some effort back in return.

I have children with different personalities. That's fine, one more disorganised than the other.

The disorganised one does run a bit late within our family and often cries 'I've got ADHD' or similar.

I feel uncomfortable about how these 'labels' are used so much more by young children now.

The extreme focus on mental health awareness and 'labelling' seems to have made matters worse.

Mental health issues have sky rocketed and I actually think the pendulum has swung too far.

Everyone is looking for a reason why they're not performing same as the top 10% or why they are not happy all the time. I think too many people use 'I'm depressed' when they mean 'a bit down in the dumps'. I prefer to use the term 'morale' as in 'low morale' as it's in many cases a better descriptor than 'depressed'.

As someone who has seen serious, serious depression (worked in mental health settings) the way the term 'depression' gets bandied about nowadays completely dilutes how serious 'real' depression is to those affected.

For what it's worth, and to come back to my first para, my disorganised child is perfectly fine at school, never late - because there are consequences then they are not.

The smart phone use and ability to be late and still let friends know where you (or they) are have taken away the 'consequences'. I suspect this is behind the huge rise in people just not really caring if they're late anymore.

Mostly the people we are referring to on here are people who have friends, hold down jobs, did OK (probably) at school. For them, really, there are no excuses for being continually late.

I don't disagree with much of what you say. It's just that some posters are dismissing out of hand the existence of time blindness in a way that once ADHD was totally dismissed.
Stuff we find difficult to do, even if there isn't a 'label' is always more 'rocket science' to us than it is to people that can do it easily. It's one thing to pissed off at people who make absolutely no effort because they don't give a shit, it's quite another to not recognise any circumstances in which people might find it harder. A great many ND people have friends/hold down jobs/did ok at school. Doesn't mean they aren't ND.

I'm working on myself not to be late. It's so nice not to turn up somewhere feeling crap because I'm late.

Ugh, the ignorance on this thread.

People with ADHD tend to thrive when the pressure is on. Can cope with rapid changes, can think fast.

You can't maintain that in day to day life, though. It's not sustainable.

It's a choice the same way it's a choice to get full marks on your calculus exam in high school. I can do it with barely any effort. For others, it's not so easy - it requires a lot of study.

Not a rocket scientist, but the principle applies! I have no trouble thinking about numbers that only exist at right angles to reality, but thinking about how long things might take is a fuzzy black hole of confusion.

Did you read my post? I'm not saying it's a choice to often be late. I'm saying if you're early and you decide not to, say, go for a walk round the block, stop for a coffee etc, but just go straight to the host THAT'S a choice. Genuinely don't believe time blindness applies to this scenario.
My family members do it often. They'll be an hour and a half to an hour early to my house. It's bloody selfish.

Yes there’s a remarkable amount of inflexible thinking around the fact that humans are put together differently.

Doesn't the inflexibility work both ways though? You're (general) expecting people to wait around without telling them you're going to be late. I remember an event starting at 9 and I said I'll be there at 830. The person meeting me turned up at 9. She wasn't ready to start and I was. She didn't tell me she was going to be late.