I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

I'm around 10 minutes early to everything. Lateness drives me mad and it's disrespectful. It actually angers me how casual it is treated now, if I don't wait for you for half an hour I'm then the bad guy!

Yes, strangely I do know about daily seizures…. Read my comments on this thread and stop being so dense.

You have sod all appreciation of people who really do struggle - I guess it suits you to be ‘better’ than others? You have a superiority complex.

Behave yourself. You are judgemental as all fuck. Grow up.

This is a great outline of time blindness.

The only part I'd refute is the idea that keeping yourself in a state of anxiety to allow you to clock watch would work. It doesn't work....I start to then get distracted by my own catastrophic thought.

So set an alarm for 10.05 and a second one for 10.10?

As I said above, my friends are the same as me so they can turn up to my funeral in their own sweet time and I’ll be smiling from up above, grateful that they made time for me, even if it wasn’t at the exact minute I’d requested.*

They'll likely miss it, if it's the local crematorium, they won't hold the next lot of people up, because they've decided Ring on time isn't that important.

I haven't read all the replies on this but I will add that yes time blindness is obviously a thing and yes it's common in ADHD but myself and all my friends - let's face it we tend to flock together! - with (mostly undiagnosed but definitely self aware) ADHD have managed to overcome this with proper - and respectful - planning...

The only person I remember always being very late (& it used to drive me nuts) was my dear late mother, who was so Very ADHD, but also so very in denial about it... 🧡

Make of that what you will!!

@Arlanymor it's not that your company is "nicer" it's that they may be able to allow such lateness due to the mature of the work.

If the train driver is late, then 100s of people are late. So that means that doctors are late for operations, pilots are late for flights, blah blah

Nothing at all with your company being "nicer", quite the opposite if your company is allowing a huge amount of people to be inconvenienced.

So self decided "niceness", is not a thing really.

I once calculated that a friend of mine, who was always late, had made me wait about 39 hours over a 3-year time frame!
There is no excuse (barring transport disaster or family disaster) for being late. It is rude and thoughtless and shows a disregard for another person's time.

What have people found the most useful for managing time blindness? Is there a specific app you use or is just a routine of lists and timers? Are there any tricks you put in place to help?

People who are always early are way worse. I have family members who will intentionally arrive half an hour to an hour early whenever we host something. It's SO bloody rude. We only have the one loo, it's in the bathroom. They'll often turn up dying for a wee because they've refused to stop on the drive down and I'll be in the shower BECAUSE THEY'RE SO FECKING EARLY and they'll make me get out so they can use the loo.
Also I'm not dressed because I was cooking and planning to get ready 20 minutes before arrival time and the house isn't ready.
I've actually considered just refusing to open the front door until the time stated, but especially on say Christmas day it seems a bit mean. I might start though. It particularly annoys me because we're pretty much always hosting (not by choice)

I don't mind someone being a bit late - 10/15 mins is fine if we're just meeting for a coffee. Different if we were seeing a show or have a booking of some kind.

Being 10/15 mins early however bugs me.

I go to a hobby group and one member arrives 50mins to an hour early and messages to let everyone know they're there waiting. Something very irritating about over eagerness.

As for time blindness, If it's a thing then fine, what do I know? But if you can acknowledge that time keeping is an issue, then you can find a solution and plan accordingly.

I work with a lady who is actually blind and she's never late....

You should be able to understand. Some people or children with disabilities actually can't get to places on time.
We've been late for nursery several times because mid meltdown there is nothing I can do except let it ride out.
Lucky you. Your child doesn't have autism and your disability doesn't affect your time keeping. Hopefully though my son won't grow up being judgemental.

Time blindness isn't a thing. If you went through school, college, uni, played in sports groups, went to Dr, went on holiday on flights, caught trains, went to dentist, claimed benefits, had a meeting with the queen/king, you were on time. If you get to every single appointment late you have a respect issue and are ill disciplined and need to pull your socks up.

And that's in your professional opinion as a..?

Time blocking is really useful to me. I'm not going to go into the finer detail here because the thread is filled with ill informed, ableist, wilfully ignorant, mean spirited and judgemental people who will no doubt leap at the chance to pick it apart or whatever. But do some googling around time blocking and see if you think it might be useful to you. There are various ways to implement it. It's less successful for me in times of high anxiety or when I'm depressed. But it does help a lot when I'm on a more even keel.

Aaand then we are back to that state of constant anxiety

That’s good ip you are able to manage time

maybe how your ADHD impacts you for others is annoying

I would hope though people would be more understanding

@LameBorzoi I'm not having a dig here - I actually don't really care if people are late within reason. If we're meeting out somewhere I'll just have a drink while I'm waiting, if they're coming to me I'll always plan to eat at least half an hour after the time I tell them to come, I hate early people and think it's much ruder BUT surely setting alarms would remove some of the anxiety, no?.Then you don't have to remember/ rely on yourself to realise how much time has passed?

Not for debate, it's a flat statement. Fact.

I am always early (but wouldn't bang on the door early if invited round - I sit in the car until the appropriate time) but have a friend who is always, always massively late. I love my friend, but I hate her lateness, and the unapologetic breeziness of her when she finally turns up. Even worse is the jovial 'Hahaha - late again! I'm just leaving now. Be there in half an hour! Hahaha!' phonecall. She's never remotely concerned at leaving me waiting for ages, and I am on time because we usually meet at places where you have to book a table, so if I were late it would inconvenience the staff or we'd lose the table. It costs me more, as well, as I have usually ordered and drunk a coffee before she even arrives!

Facts can be proven with evidence. What's yours?

My snooze is 5 min so 5.02, 5.06, and 5.15, 3 alarms to make sure I'm up. (I used to be always late when younger but made a change to address it)

Tried anti-depressants and propranolol. A lot of therapy including CBT, CAT, EMDR and also counselling. I used to be prescribed diazepam but changed GP and can’t be given it anymore, plus I wouldn’t take it before having to drive anyway. Obviously tried mindfulness apps and exercise regimes and changing my diet and all of that although find anything like that very hard to stick to once the novelty wears off. I’m hoping I can try ADHD medication but on a long waiting list for that.

I just know stuff. I've seen people get to interviews on time and get to the airport on time that can't get to any other freaking event on time.
Don't get wound up, just deal with it.

It's not hard but it's a learned skill.

I was in my early 30s before it dawned on me, truly like a bolt from the blue, that if it takes 30 minutes to get somewhere, I need to leave more that 30 minutes before the arrival time.

I honesty used to think 30 mins was enough for 30 mins journey, I'd end up doing a last minute loo trip, put shoes on, realise my sock had a hole, change it...suddenly 10 mins late and lots of rushing to be "only" 5/10 mins late. Worse if I was driving and parking was bad.

It had literally never occurred to me to plan to be early either. For a 30 min journey, I now leave 50-60 mins so i can be early and, if I'm lucky and have a smooth journey, I can read or do mumsnet for a bit. It was revelation. In hindsight, I don't know what I was thinking. And the amount of times I need the full 50-60 mins surprises me!

I could never understand why I was so "unlucky"! I was always on time for "important" stuff like a plane but that was because inwsnunconsciously doing what I should have been doing all along- planning for problems and building on contingency.