I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

15 mins late is annoying but OK.

Anything more is ridiculous.

30 mins is taking the piss!

Not "killing" yourself to be on time is plain rude, and just smacks of you thinking your time is more important than the person you're meeting.

The only time I've ever been late is when the trains get fucked up, and I feel so stressed. In my opinion, if you're not 10 mins early you are already late.

I'm never ever late for things that will happen or go without me (flight, public transport, shows) in fact I'm ridiculously early and that's because I know I struggle to estimate how long things take.

If i am meeting someone I'm sad to say I'm frequently late, again because I struggle to estimate time and how long things take both individually and as a series of events. For example if I am meeting a friend in SoHo at 6pm and I am at work in Canary Wharf I will think okay that will take half an hour. It should only take half an hour but here's what happens.

I'll start packing up at 5.20, pleased with myself I've left loads of time. I'll pop to the loo (only takes a minute surely?) and do a quick make up fix (it's only a minute right and I'm early anyway). Leave loo and colleague asks me something. I say I can't stop but it's urgent and I think '2 minutes won't be an issue to sort a problem'. Sort that. Lift at work takes ages as everyone is leaving at the same time. I'm wearing my work shoes so I'm slower than usual walking to the tube. Get to the tube and there's a huge queue. Get on the tube and glance at time. Shit. It's now 5.55 and I'm still 25 minutes away from rendezvous point....I'm boggled how 35 minutes have passed because in my head it should only be 5.30....

You can tell the cheeky fuckers when they can make it in time to catch a plane or get to a film they want to see but don't prioritise your time enough to get to you on time. The "you can't tell me what to do" inner child types are the ones I set boundaries with.

It is actually so much less stress and so much easier to be early than late. Honest. Anyone can be late once, if you are constitutionally late you are down right disorganised and lazy. You can get to every event 5 minutes late, if the event was 5 minutes later you would be 5 minutes after that. It's not rocket science, it's damned disrespectful.

People who are consistently late are inherently selfish and give the impression that your time is not as important as theirs. How do they manage to hold down a job if they can never make it anywhere on time?

I agree with you. Bet they wouldn’t be late for a flight or something they really wanted to do. I won’t meet with late people anymore.

I agree op.
I have a friend who I love dearly, been friends for 25 years, she is late every single time. Usually by 30 mins but I once stood around waiting for her for an hour.
Its irritating. Luckily her good points far outweight this thing that bugs me and I haven't commented on it for years. Tbh i just turn up late now too, if we say we are meeting at 11 i get there for about 11.20.
I also work with someone who is always late and just breezily says childcare... erm yes like the other 6 mums in the office.
Also time blindness is definitely not a thing.

Whether you think it's a legitimate explanation (NB not excuse) for lateness or not, time blindness is a thing.

You are so wrong and contradictory! My time is no more precious than anyone else’s but nor is their time more precious than mine so why should I be ten minutes early? What a waste of time. It’s a social event, not work, none of my friends are going to get irritated because their kid is playing in the park for 20 minutes before my kids get there. We spend our whole school and working time governed by time, I don’t need to do it socially too, I can be a bit more relaxed when I’m meeting my friends. As I said above, I think that it’s fine as long as everyone is on the same page; me and my friends are.

a lot of people with adhd/autism struggle to hold down jobs for this exact reason.
People seem to be so shocked when it turns out that disabilities are...disabling

I set alarms for everything and everything to allow me to be where I need to be when I need to be there. It isn’t hard. I do it because I value my friends and colleagues time as much as my own. It would also bother me to be perceived as a flake.

So is it just social events people are more relaxed about? im just wondering how you get by in life if you're late for things like work/flights/Dr's appointments?
I was telling my kids about the 'olden days' when we didnt have mobiles so you had to plan a time to meet and stick to it! everyone is so flaky now because they can just text to say theyre late!! drives me mad!

Agree with this. Anything up to 30 mins late really doesn’t bother me. After that I’d probably just say to the friend “ok, I’m leaving now as I’ve waited half an hour, let’s rearrange” and go and do something else.

I also can't stand people who arrive very early. MIL is the worst.

'Come for Sunday roast at 2pm' and she will rock up at 12 then ring to ask where we are. 'Umm, we at the shops getting things for lunch! We said to come at 2pm!' 🙄

Oh come on! There are legitimate explanations for being late. How can you say it's not an excuse? I was parked on the motorway for two hours the other week, (usually 30 minute journey) how is it then my fault if I'm late?

My DH has risked ending up under the decking with this. It's not time blindness, he just faffs. Serial fucking faffer and just does fucking odd things.

Example: We're going out for lunch. Table booked 12:30. 11:30 he is painting some skirting boards. 12:15, he comes running down the stairs and decides he has to mow the lawn because it might rain while we're out. I remind him it's 15 mins until table is booked. He declares it 'must be done' because later the grass will be too wet. I ask why can't do it another day, he says it's always 'can do it another day, he's been meaning to do it for a week so if he doesn't do it now it won't get done'. You mean the week while we had no plans, and you decide you must do it NOW while we're already late to something we have planned?

Less than a month later similar set of time frame he decides we MUST take some bags to the tip that were already sat waiting to go to the tip when the first event happened. MUST be done now, already late, to the tip that always has a massive queue because he keeps not doing it so clearly when already late for something is the only time he can.

Both events with his friends and I made sure to tell them why we were late. If it's my event, I tell him I'm leaving at X time and if he isn't in the car without any nonsense I'm going without him.

I fundamentally disagree with this. When people are late I have never taken it as a personal insult or a sign they don’t think I’m important. Stuff just happens. It doesn’t bother me. I’m sometimes late, friends are sometimes late. And for those asking, yes I have missed doctors’ appointments, trains and flights, yes it has cost me a considerable amount of money in replacement train tickets and a new flight, and I used to be late for work almost every day. I’m self employed and WFH full time now which solved that issue. I think it was actually the pressure of daily commuting that took so much mental energy, now I WFH I’m on time for other things a lot more.

The never never party, I guess you'll be in time for your funeral alone, your friends will turn up when they have had their tea, finished their jobs, tidied up and hopefully not missed the last bus.

@Odearr - yep I’m sure there are some who can attribute their bad time-keeping to a particular disability but I bet there will be a significant number who are just cheeky selfish fuckers.

As I said above, my friends are the same as me so they can turn up to my funeral in their own sweet time and I’ll be smiling from up above, grateful that they made time for me, even if it wasn’t at the exact minute I’d requested.

Pointless, innit. You said in your OP that time blindness isn't a thing. There might be some other reason why I've missed countless planes, trains, interviews, even surgeries and final exams, but it amounts to the same thing doesn't it.

I'm sure it annoys you but it's a heck of a lot worse for me!

My son cannot feel the difference between five minutes and an hour. To him it's exactly the same: it's just a chunk of time of no specific comparable length. Therefore whilst he can look at the clock, think that he has half an hour before he needs to set off and mentally work out that means allowing for grabbing his stuff, he is utterly incapable of getting that half hour right.

Or remembering that he had plans once a different hyper focus is triggered. Seriously, he won't notice he's missed two meals.

Or remember the things he needed. If he makes an out he can't remember where the list was. If it's stuck to the door he won't see it because he's not focussed on it.

Your ADHD is not everyone's. Stop assuming everyone is like you - they aren't.

I disagree with you, OP. I think time blindness is a thing, and I think people with it can be on time for some things (job interviews, flights etc) but it causes them intense stress and anxiety. For example, I have a friend who gets so stressed about going on holiday or travelling for work that she doesn't sleep the night before a morning flight. She arrived for the interview for her last job 4 hours early and sat in a cafe nearby.

Obviously it's impossible to subject yourself to that sort of stress and pressure in everything you do (social life as well as work and important events), otherwise you simply wouldn't function at all. Hence why some people are often late but can be on time for some things.

Do you want your friend to camp out somewhere near your house/wherever you're meeting hours in advance of when you're supposed to be meeting?

The best thing to do with people who have difficulties like this is to meet in non-time pressured situations and locations.

What I’ve never understood is that if you have time blindness or don’t realise the time or don’t know how long things take. How comes they’re never fucking early?

@Ratisshortforratthew - of course people are sometimes late for these reasons, that’s life. I have been late on occasion too. I’m talking about people who are always late for everything. My father was in the military so I realise this has had a big influence on my immaculate timekeeping 😅