I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

Does it occur to you maybe part of the problem could lie with you being overly intense ?

I agree op..5 mins fair enough but people who are constantly late drive me mad.

@Calliopespa

maybe it gives me a headache when people are late?

Does that make it acceptable for me to be "intense", which I'm not actually, just make arrangements and stick to them, if you can't then tell me and I'll decide if I want to make the arrangement?

I think this is the heart of the issue for so many. It takes a lot of effort to put strategies in place, but it's a lot easier to just be late and blame "time blindness" and everyone has to accept it because, disability.

@Calliopespa and I don't have a problem with people being late to meet me (barring unavoidable situations) through "time blindness".

I think the fact that you started a thread with a header that nastily states you 'can't stand' an entire group of people for a relatively minor - if irritating character flaw' reveals a nasty trait in yourself. People are more than just their irritating flaws. I daresay you have some yourself, actually it's obvious by this thread that you do. You say you have a 'friend' whose lateness drives you potty, but you are still benefitting from the other aspects of her personality hence you describe her as a friend. Put your money where your passive aggressive persona is and end the friendship then.

And I had a friend (now dead,) who was so late for a cinema date the movie had started and was half an hour in. I walked home. Later we argued. We made up. I regretted risking our friendship over something that wasn't going to matter over my deathbed.

That friend was also morbidly obese. Then would complain about her health, which was also irritating. Yet she was closer than a sister. A fantastic empathetic listener, extremely generous and magnanimous if you hurt her feelings. She had come through horrific family circumstances and could relate to my upbringing. If I needed her she might arrive late, but she'd always be there. Always. I miss her. She was a one in a lifetime friend. Those flaws were minor in comparison to her good traits.

I've had a chaotic life, have a chronic illness and yes am sometimes late myself. You simply don't know what illnesses, upbringing, or issues people have that might make things more challenging for them.

Guess what, we are all flawed. Some flaws are obvious, other peoples are less so. People are quick though yo highlight those easily observable in others while not talking about their own.

We are growing. At nearly 50 I realise how quickly the time goes and I still have things to work on. People are usually more than the sum of their character flaws, though I reiterate, there has been no need to be constantly irritated by your friend. Cut her loose so she can find someone more accepting of her and you release yourself for someone like yourself who won't inspire you to write goady threads.

So many 'labels', so many excuses @Midlifecryses (apart from those who have diagnoses and decided to build a 'fix' in - big well done to @DoopSnoggySnogg ). Sorry, I know there are nowadays so many people with ADHD etc (I think it's good it is recognised but it's for sure over diagnosed; especially if self-diagnosed - I have ADHD too according to many of these 'surveys').

The thing is, before mobile phones people weren't chronically late to the extent people are now. There was the odd one but then you just kind of left after a while (after giving them a few chances) and they quickly learnt.

I'm broadly tolerant of it now as I do have some lovely friends who fall into this category.

It's still the case that the 'they value their own time more than others' holds.

This should be everyone's mantra as it's selfish and self-absorbed to always be late. There is usually some kind of 'drama' that has to be shared when they turn up too, sigh.

Most people really can be on time if they just work backwards and add 30 minutes as a margin (if that's how late they normally are e.g.). It's not rocket science! I'm assuming most are not always late for work, flights and important events.

Wholeheartedly agree. And I am someone who hates being late and will end up hanging around because I am too early! I can't help thinking if OP hadn't mentioned that she was ADHD, we'd have heard a lot more about ableism in the thread. Makes me think that's why it was mentioned.
It's not ok to be ableist about an issue you don't have just because you are ND.

I do think being rubbish about time keeping is a thing, some people are just naturally more punctual than others, some do not notice time passing in the same way.

But if you are one of those people who struggles with time keeping there are so many tools/strategies you can use to keep you on track. People have talked about reminders, multiple alarms and other techniques they can use to be on time. If you choose not to recognise your difficulties and explore ways of improving your timekeeping then you cannot expect people to wait around for you.

I used to lift share for kid drop offs/pick ups with a woman whose kids were a similar age to mine. The arrangement was something like she would pick up her dd and my dd, take them to brownies, I'd pick them up and drop them home. Brownies was something like 7-8, she would pick DD up at 6.45 and it was a 10 minute drive. Fine. What she didn't tell me was that her son did swimming 6-6.45 at a pool 10 minutes in the opposite direction, and she thought it was perfectly possible to collect my DD at 6.45, drive 10 minutes to the pool, collect her DS out of the water, dress him, then drive 20 minutes back past where she'd started to the brownie hall and still be on time. When DD tried to explain why she'd been so late I couldn't get my head around what she was trying to tell me. Asked the friend and she just shrugged, it didn't matter that much, did it?

Well it mattered to me, and it mattered to DD. So we cut the arrangement and sorted ourselves out to be there on time.

Yes you do, you put it in quotation marks to diminish it as a condition, so you very clearly think it’s nonsense and that will play through in terms of how you treat people. All of your posts in this thread have been unkind. You definitely do have a problem.

The thing is, late people often say their friends are cool about their lateness and don’t mind. When in fact they are just being polite and are pretty irritated and probably complain about them behind their back…

I think it's great.

I have a knack for abstract concepts. Mathematics, for instance, comes easily and naturally to me. I can hold multiple ideas of complex things that don't really exist in my head and think about how they interact. It's just how my brain is built.

My brain just isn't built for other people's schedules. I can sort of work in that way, but it's really hard work.

I agree 100% with both of you. Some people on this thread are being deliberately ignorant and unkind frankly.

@Arlanymor please don't tell me what I experience, or do you have "other powers" as well, that make you know what friends I have?

Well if it is giving you a headache, it suggests you probably are getting yourself wound up about it.

If you know someone struggles with this, can’t you just take a book , or go ten minutes later yourself? You’d probably make their week if they beat you to it …

@Arlanymor my pint is unavoidable situations are acceptable, time blindness isn't.

Wait, so it's soo RUDE and being a selfish arsehole to be early? You should be ON TIME to be polite, but late is OK?
How does it impact you if someone is early unless you're knowingly going to be late?

@Calliopespa I have no friends or work colleagues that have "time blindness",

My point was that you think the person with the time blindness gets a headache if they make the effort to be on time, what about if the person waiting gets a headache from the anxiety of not knowing when they're going to turn up.

Oh talk a walk or read a book?

Maybe tell the "time blind" to set an alarm and stick to it?

🤷‍♀️

So if people are stressed by their friends arriving late to important stuff, they are too tightly wound up and intense. But if chronically late people get wound up by having to be on time, that's OK and we must make allowances.

Not sure how I can take a book to the cinema or theatre.

It depends where you’re meeting. Being early to meet a friend at a cafe/ restaurant etc is better than being late. Being early to meet a friend at their house is rude, they might not be ready for you, in that case it would be better to be a bit late than even 5 minutes early.

I didn’t do anything of the sort, just observed your punctuation and how it came across. Surprised you have friends to be honest.

Exactly!

Too intense because they're going to miss the beginning of a show, then walk in disturbing everyone's viewing and that's just to be accepted.

I think the solution is just to cut these selfish arseholes out of your life. They have terminology to legitimise (to themselves) their failings, and they have no concept of how to behave. Be free of them. Don't bother. You'll be happier without them. They can be happy with each other.

One of the symptoms of ADHD/Autism can be time blindness. It hasn't just been decided on, it's part of the research and diagnostic process.
However, I agree that once you are over around 14, you should have strategies. It took my DD into her late 20's to lessen the effect her life. ADHD tax is a real thing in as much as you incur expenses because of your condition.

With me allowing more time was counter productive because I got caught up with other things. I wasn't massively late, but would have to spend out on taxis etc when I'd already have a bus pass. Alarms and lists on phones, was what changed things for me. People telling me straight and not being polite was another game changer. With my teens (my youngest is Autistic) facing the consequences and having to pay out of their own money, then go without was what changed things.
My sister is most put out because we've often eaten without her and then won't wait at the table, she can rock up two hours late. We don't plan things that rely on her being on time. She says for her own ticket and gets left out. We did this after realising that she does adult interest/education classes and manages to be on time. She attends protests etc and gets trains ok.

Yes I do think you have had a pint.

Seriously, are you incapable of recognising that just because you can do something it doesn’t mean that everyone else can? It’s the fundament of being less abled.