I actually can’t stand chronically late people

[Cadela]

Time blindness is not a thing. I have adhd and uncontrolled epilepsy, I know how hard it is, but constantly being late is the most disrespectful thing I think people can do.

Having to tell someone something starts half an hour later so they may show up on time is ridiculous.

It actually isn’t hard. If you have an appointment or an event, PLAN. If you can’t make it on time, get up earlier.

Yes I’m snotty because I have a friend who has no disabilities and every single time we plan something has never made it at the right time. Drives me fucking potty.

I was sometimes a few minutes late when the DC were small. And I'm sometimes delayed by traffic (forgetting that I'll be going past the primary school at drop-off time; roadworks). And long-distance journeys can be a bit unpredictable.

But.... Oh my goodness my SIL. I don't think she's ever got here on time. She has no issues with timekeeping when it comes to her job, which is terribly important (as she can't wait to tell us). But being on time for someone who has made a roast lunch to feed the whole bloody car-load of you? Phut, little Johnny's football practice is MUCH more important, it's just fine to leave an hour and a half late.

Drives me fucking nuts. We have stopped inviting them.

West End tickets cost upwards of £60 these days. I feel a bit "intense" about missing any part of a play plus I hate disturbing people, so these days I just go in if anyone is late. People get pissed off but that's their problem.

Just to add the thing that my sister didn't seem to get was that she might know that she's only ten minutes late, but unless she is honest, we don't know if we'll be waiting for an hour. The stress when she was doing the driving, or had the tickets made it not worth it.

No one is saying that you have to be OK with being late to a movie.

The problem is that these threads sure always full of people saying people should "just be on time" in a really dismissive way, as if the fix were easy.

Clearly a movie would be a really bad choice of activity for a friend that really struggled with this

@Arlanymor you're surprised I have friends because I don't recognise "time blindness".

Mind you, I think you use the "I'm surprised you have friends" line a lot, I think you said it earlier in this thread.

Is it your biggest put down of people?

Shall I start hurling insults at you?

It is interesting you say you don’t know anyone with it, which might be feeding your intolerance.

I do know people who really struggle and it honestly isn’t as simple as setting an alarm. It’s more that they struggle with mentally unpacking ( in advance) the steps they need to go through to arrive somewhere and do they then miscalculate. For some people that comes almost in a single thought; others struggle to deconstruct that sort of practical process.

Because they turn up at my house while I'm trying to get ready /.in the shower. Or they're sat at the table waiting for me and looking at their watch when I arrive ON TIME, or they arrive for an interview at work and we have no where to put them because the meeting room is booked up till 15 minutes before the time I've booked it for their interview.
If they're early and go around the block for a walk while they wait, fine. But that doesn't usually happen.

@Arlanymor oh you're picking on my SPAG, is this the "nicer" you?

🤔

Not sure your self professed niceness is a real thing.

I think you're way too invested and intense in this thread.

Maybe it's time for you to go, or you may be late?

I feel like I have enough friends who can be on time, so I can distance myself from the few not on time, or only meet for coffee. Some friends are for coffee only, others are for doing important stuff with.

I'd suggest that to the OP.

@Calliopespa I don't need to tolerate it, I don't tolerate it.

I have good friends that are respectful of my time.

But are you respectful of theirs, or one.of those people that would happily turn up for dinner at their house half an hour early?

Put it this way. Being told that time blindness isn't a thing is like a bloke telling you that menstrual symptoms aren't real.

Yeah, the symptoms are not an excuse for anything, but the dismissal is rage-inducing.

I can't stand it either OP, and I'm married to one! DH thinks because he doesn't care about being late, no-one else does. Which is bullshit because he knows how much it upsets me.

HIs daughter is the same - will happily turn up hours late, no phone call, no apology. So now if we have plans and she's more than 20 mins or so late (and no phone call), I take the dog out for a walk/go to the gym/continue with my day and leave her and her father to it.

I’m too invested? You've addressed two posts to me in the space of two minutes…

My comment was tongue in cheek, hence the ‘seriously’ part after. You use humour in your messages, I’m no different in that respect.

Where I am different is that I have tolerance and understanding. I didn’t hurl insults, I am genuinely surprised that you have mates because the way you come across on this thread is as unlikeable. Just because you don’t know someone with time blindness you insinuate that it is not a real thing, is that ignorant or arrogant or both? And you continue to double down when others have explained very patiently and honestly that it is a real thing and can be crippling.

For the record, I hate being late and am usually a couple of minutes early to everything, but it doesn’t mean I don’t try and understand other people’s situations and how we don’t all have the same executive functions.

@Itsrainingten I'm on time, why would you think I'd be early?

If I'm meeting at 8, I turn up at 8, maybe early so as not to be late. But I'll grab a coffee, walk, sit in the car around the corner.

I'm respectful of my friend's time either by not taking up their time being early, or being late.

Some eventualities of course I'll turn up half an hour early, because I want time to look round the shops, have a coffee alone, do my shopping list etc.

@Arlanymor

Where I am different is that I have tolerance and understanding. I didn’t hurl insults, I am genuinely surprised that you have mates because the way you come across on this thread is unlikeable.

The irony!!

You're definitely a nice person, you've told me you are!

Arlanymor "Where I am different is that I have tolerance and understanding. I didn’t hurl insults,"

You've repeatedly written messages that show intolerance and lack of understanding. Furthermore, you are hurling insults at anyone who doesn't agree with you. Perhaps a bit of respect for people who don't agree with you? Works both ways. Might go a long way in getting people to respond nicely to you.

You would hate me then

You can think I’m not nice, I don’t give a monkeys. Your posts on this thread have been rude and dismissive of other people’s experiences, if you’re happy with that then crack on I guess.

And the irony continues

And I don’t in any case think respect has much to do with it.

I have watched my friend packing, locking up the house and making her way to the airport to catch a plane. It’s like watching someone sit and exam they have not been prepared properly for: same level of anxiety and bafflement. She wants to get there. Not once did she say “ the plane can wait; I don’t respect it.” She knew it would leave but she just struggled.

I think turning it into a respect issue is way too self-focused and self-important. It’s nothing to do with you if someone is time-blind, and everything to do with them.

And I don’t in any case think respect has much to do with it.

I have watched my friend packing, locking up the house and making her way to the airport to catch a plane. It’s like watching someone sit and exam they have not been prepared properly for: same level of anxiety and bafflement. She wants to get there. Not once did she say “ the plane can wait; I don’t respect it.” She knew it would leave but she just struggled.

I think turning it into a respect issue is way too self-focused and self-important. It’s nothing to do with you if someone is time-blind, and everything to do with them.

So we are agreed you are intolerant.

Which was pretty much my first point that you took issue with.

Not hurling anything and don’t need a lesson in manners from someone who was sarcastic about other people’s very genuine issues.

If you think I am intolerant and lack understanding because I acknowledge that time blindness is a real thing then that’s a you problem frankly.

I respect other people’s right to an opinion, but it doesn’t mean I have to respect their opinion, particularly when they are being ableist.

@Arlanymor

You can think I’m not nice, I don’t give a monkeys. Your posts on this thread have been rude and dismissive of other people’s experiences, if you’re happy with that then crack on I guess.

I know you're nice, you've told me!

It's you that's being rude to me, it's there for everyone to see!

Have a nice day now.