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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Controlling for being angry at DH using oven

832 replies

SharpOliveHam · 30/07/2024 13:32

Dh likes to eat healthily which means he never fries any food. Even the 1 cal spray is not acceptable. Fine.

But DH knows I’m very funny about the heat. Hate it and do very well to keep a cool house. I’m the person who goes around closing curtains, opening windows at the optimal time to keep things cool.

Just got off a work call to a sauna downstairs. DH has made himself a fry up (chicken sausages, egg, mushrooms, tomatoes). The kitchen is reading 26c - it was 22.5c when I looked at around 12 pm.

I told dh that this was really selfish behaviour. And now I’ve been called controlling.

AIBU?

OP posts:
lalalapland · 31/07/2024 08:50

lalalapland · 31/07/2024 08:50

Sorry everyone... we had a barbecue at home last night, so I do apologise to everyone in the south east for making the air so hot!

(My dog, thankfully, was fine and enjoyed his steak and sausage)

Heavyboom · 31/07/2024 08:53

26 degrees isn't going to harm anyone or any dogs.

Of course he can cook in his own home. It's also unlikely turning the oven in has actually had the impact you think it has. It's far more likely the temperature would have risen later in the day anyway.

CantDealwithChristmas · 31/07/2024 09:12

JudgeJ · 30/07/2024 17:54

Hot food originated in very hot countries, if you increase your inner temperature with hot, spicy food then your body loses heat and cools down. If your inner temperature is cool then it takes in heat from the surroundings. It's all about balancing the two temperatures.
Tea is very cooling in Summer.

Yes my gran used to say that too but it's actually bollox.You don't lose heat by increasing your core temperature. You might sweat morwe which would carry off some of the heat but that's a rather uncomfortable way of going about it when you could just,,,,have a salad and a cold drink.

Also as someone who hails from the Indian subcontinent originally I can confidently say that we don't spice and season our food because we're trying to get cooler, we do it because it's delicious and bland food is sad and boring :-)

Sharptonguedwoman · 31/07/2024 09:15

SharpOliveHam · 30/07/2024 13:35

Im doing everything in my power to keep the house cool. Not only for me but for dogs and he has just undone everything

26 deg is a nice summer day. Honestly I think you are over-reacting. (and controlling)

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 31/07/2024 09:16

It's expected to reach 27° here today outside...

Maybe OP can go and shout at the sun for being selfish

betterangels · 31/07/2024 09:31

People defending the OP on this. It's unreal. To think that it's okay to tell another adult to not use the oven in their own home..

OP needs to get a grip. She's so unreasonable.

AngelaShrute · 31/07/2024 09:57

If the roles were reversed everyone would be advising op to call women's aid and LTB.

Grammarnut · 31/07/2024 10:26

willWillSmithsmith · 31/07/2024 08:47

Oh heck I’m doing baked potatoes today for lunch, it’s very warm outside already and I’ve got a dog. I am a very bad and selfish person 🙁

I know. I was thinking baked potato with tuna mayo - needs the oven, they are never quite right done in a microwave! My dog has a longish coat (grooming not due for 2 weeks!). I am the worst!

MassiveOvaryaction · 31/07/2024 10:31

Buy him an air fryer.

RampantIvy · 31/07/2024 10:34

Honestly the hysteria in this country over perfectly resonable summer temperatures is hilarious.

@Ginmonkeyagain You should read how dramatic so many posters get when the thermometer goes over 20 degrees.

Health issues excepted I can't believe how many mumsnetters can't deal with warm (not hot) weather. The same posters then say they "hate wearing summer clothes" so they sit there sweltering in jeans and jumpers 🙄

LadyWhistled0wn · 31/07/2024 10:35

Maybe just move to the artic, you're being super controlling. Just buy the man a air fryer!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2024 10:48

Well I am doing a roast tonight, picked by family member who is going to be working abroad for a while so having a farewell meal of their choice. Not sure what my dog is going to make of that.

OP it is very controlling to dictate what meals your DH can have and your absolute refusal to accept any other view from PP on here suggests that you expect everyone to follow your rules.

willWillSmithsmith · 31/07/2024 11:06

Grammarnut · 31/07/2024 10:26

I know. I was thinking baked potato with tuna mayo - needs the oven, they are never quite right done in a microwave! My dog has a longish coat (grooming not due for 2 weeks!). I am the worst!

I don’t mind microwaved but my son really likes the oven baked ones, and tbf they are nicer.

I don’t know how OP’s house is laid out but if you have a door closing the kitchen off then get your dh to close it while cooking.

HowardTJMoon · 31/07/2024 11:16

If you microwave the potato first to cook it through and then put it in the oven it doesn't take as long. Or microwave then air-fryer.

Bluebirdover · 31/07/2024 11:24

HowardTJMoon · 31/07/2024 11:16

If you microwave the potato first to cook it through and then put it in the oven it doesn't take as long. Or microwave then air-fryer.

Yeah but it doesn't taste as nice either!

HowardTJMoon · 31/07/2024 11:35

Bluebirdover · 31/07/2024 11:24

Yeah but it doesn't taste as nice either!

I've never really noticed the difference except that it takes half the time. I may have to do some more testing, although I'll probably wait until the next heatwave.

Hadjab · 31/07/2024 11:38

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 30/07/2024 21:12

@SharpOliveHam I absolutely adore dogs so thank you for doing your best to help keep yours comfortable in their fur coats in this horrendous heat. I am sure that you already know this, but I understand that the best thing you can (not) do for your dogs is make sure that they don't run around or play any games that involve much movement between the hours of about 8.00am and 8 - 9.00pm. When I used to have dogs - sadly I'm too old now - on the really hot days I would take them for their longest walk of the day anywhere between 11.00pm and 2.00am in the morning, and another medium walk starting anywhere between 5 and 7.30 am.

[If anyone has a Husky dog, or similar, they really need to be able to walk/run their adult dogs all night, ie actually be out with them for the same amount of hours as you would normally during the day, so on average 4 to 5 hours a day/night free running, and walking (puppies are quite different, but any owners of such dogs should be very clued up on that). Most British people - as am I (well I am not most people, I just meant that I am also British, in fact English if we need to narrow it down even more!) - will probably think I am crazy to expect the average person in the UK to give Husky type dogs anywhere near that amount of time on their exercise and well being, after all people have jobs to go to - unless they are retired - and if an average age retiree gets a Scandinavian type working dog whilst living anywhere in the UK they should/must know how fit they need to be to be able to care for their stunningly beautiful dog. My biggest bugbear, is that I believe that unless you live in the far north of Scotland, it just isn't fair to have a Husky type of dog in the UK - I'd better pack my bags now, as I know that anyone who has managed to read this far will almost certainly be booing at me now, and probably throwing over-ripe tomatoes at me as well! So I actually think that it is very unfair for someone to have a dog - but probably mainly "working" type dogs - that needs a lot of exercising and stimulating every day, if they also have a full-time job out side of their home.]

l am not for one second suggesting that you have Husky type dogs OP, but dogs with long and double hair, will, as you have already tried to point out, get uncomfortably hot and restless - or completely floppy and give the impression of saying

"hey, why have you put the heat on, I'm sweltering here, don't you care about me anymore? I used to think I had dropped really lucky with you, but now you are trying to roast me instead of that very tasty chicken you usually share with me!"

The worst bit is that your beautiful dogs were thinking that before the other - useless at least on this occassion - adult in their lives put the cooker on in the hottest part of the day! So I do understand your frustration OP, and I think that other people who seem to not be able to get enough heat (and like to holiday somewhere like the Maldives when I would prefer one of those small educational cruise type ships that explore the Antartic - sorry if I am sounding snobby about holiday choices, I don't mean to at all, places like the Maldives look incredible, and I would have loved to be able to explore places like Borneo, Myanmar, Vietnam etc when I was younger and fitter, but even then the heat would have made me feel too ill to function, and I can't even tan, I just burn and even more freckles come out! So cooler climates have always been my favourites) for their sun loving bodies, could maybe give you a rest!

To everyone who is having a go at the OP - and yes she does sound quite controlling on this occassion - I think that the combination of the effect of the heat itself on her, combined with her admiral concern for her/their (?) dogs, should also consider the above as mitigating reasons for her complaint against her husband. I hope that he understands that, and realises that he was actually being thoughtless at his best, and/or very selfish at his worst - I really hope it isn't the latter, because if it is then I think the OP has much worse to deal with than a few extremely hot days...

@SharpOliveHam I'm very sorry that I went off on a rather long tangent about Huskies and their ilk - I guess their treatment by so many is like an annoying, and painful, bee in my bonnet...

Hopefully you are all feeling cooler and calmer now, at chez SharpOliveHam 💐

Well, that was something.

missshilling · 31/07/2024 11:41

HowardTJMoon · 31/07/2024 11:16

If you microwave the potato first to cook it through and then put it in the oven it doesn't take as long. Or microwave then air-fryer.

We have a combination microwave that does both at the same time. They taste exactly the same as purely oven cooked baked potatoes.

PrimitivePerson · 31/07/2024 11:55

Another2Cats · 31/07/2024 08:39

"Using the oven during the middle of the day when it’s forecast to be 30C outside is unacceptable."

I'm sorry, but what? OK, so it only got to 28 where we live, but I was certainly baking and cooking on Sunday.

Why is that a problem? (serious question by the way)

This is what I absolutely cannot fathom. I've never met anyone in my life who thinks it's unacceptable to cook in hot weather. It's less comfortable, sure, and I'd be less inclined to cook time consuming dishes, but to not use the oven at all for days on end? That's just batshit.

PrimitivePerson · 31/07/2024 12:12

I should add that I tend to eat lighter meals that need less preparation and cooking in the summer, but that's nothing to do with fearing my oven spewing lava into my kitchen. I just have less of an appetite. A big stodgy, hearty meal is much more appealing on a dark winter night.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 31/07/2024 12:13

Rewis · 30/07/2024 13:42

I think people should be allowed to use their own kitchen appliances. I also doubt a fry up affects the temperature of the house 4c. Get him an airfryer.

I can see it could be. I cooked dinner last night, when I finished the kitchen was slightly over 30 while the living room was 27.

Sparrowball · 31/07/2024 12:14

Bluebirdover · 31/07/2024 11:24

Yeah but it doesn't taste as nice either!

Rub some olive oil and salt on them after the microwave, then oven or air fryer.

Sparrowball · 31/07/2024 12:18

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 31/07/2024 12:13

I can see it could be. I cooked dinner last night, when I finished the kitchen was slightly over 30 while the living room was 27.

That was one room, not the whole house. Did you have to run around covering everyone with towels from the freezer?

CantDealwithChristmas · 31/07/2024 12:55

Sparrowball · 31/07/2024 12:18

That was one room, not the whole house. Did you have to run around covering everyone with towels from the freezer?

Big freezer. I bet it gets very hot at the back

JudgeJ · 31/07/2024 13:16

CantDealwithChristmas · 31/07/2024 09:12

Yes my gran used to say that too but it's actually bollox.You don't lose heat by increasing your core temperature. You might sweat morwe which would carry off some of the heat but that's a rather uncomfortable way of going about it when you could just,,,,have a salad and a cold drink.

Also as someone who hails from the Indian subcontinent originally I can confidently say that we don't spice and season our food because we're trying to get cooler, we do it because it's delicious and bland food is sad and boring :-)

But if the heat in your food made you uncomfortable then you presumably would use milder spices. When friends went to live on Mexico they found out after a year that their local cafe increased the spice intensity as people came in more, living there longer.
The rest, about heat transference is basic physics, the spiciest food comes from the hotter countries.