MIL ignored gift idea

[Memo88]

It’s My DS’s birthday at the weekend, he asked for two new toys on his birthday list.

My side of the family are very generous with gifts, and I love the whole process of spoiling people for their birthday. My mum asked what DS wanted so I suggested one of the birthday list gifts which she got along with a couple of other bits. MIL asked what DS would like and the other toy was within the budget she gave so I suggested that - then DS would get both asked for toys and there’s no favouritism between sides.

In the meantime I’ve thought of and bought gifts from us and his younger brother, all sorted.

Or so I thought, MIL has decided DS doesn’t need / she doesn’t want to buy another plastic toy so she’s going to get a book which is 3 years above his reading level for him 🙄.

I’m so annoyed that DS now won’t get the only two toys he’s actually asked for, because my judgemental MIL thinks he has enough toys. AIBU to tell her no the next time she inevitably asks for a suggestion?

Just let her do her own thing, make sure you get the things they really want and leave it at that

No they don’t, just like they don’t get a say in what a parent feeds their child or dresses them. Fantastic if you want their opinion but if not NO.

And not all plastic is bad, as many others have said it’s not all throw away crap.

You’re missing the point. If the GPs didn’t want to buy their grandchild the toy they had asked for they should have told op they were morally opposed to giving their GC that toy so would be buying something else.

You had very rude DCs. Thank you, is the only appropriate comment on a gift from grandmother.

Why don't people just buy presents and keep the receipt in case of duplicaton? Also, OP likes to spoil her DC on his birthday. Setting him up for future disappointment and also literally spoiling him in that he will expect everything he wants to be given to him. MiL has a point.

But it is all made from oil products. You know, oil, which is killing the planet?

He asked for 2 things!!!

Do people actually do that to kids?
Let them ask for 2 things, and then wait to Birthday or Christmas for them to realise they are getting a bundle of stuff they never asked for, don't particularly want, and only one of the two things?

Be grateful you got one of them, you spoilt little brat??

Do people do that to little kids?

Plastic used in toys is effectively waste oil from the fuel industry.
It's not like the drill for crude oil just to make toys. And lots of manufacturers are changing away from fossil based oil. Lego have been experimenting with alternatives for years.

Oh people, bore off with the ‘it’s a suggestion not an order’ carry on.
Most reasonable, kind, loving people want a child to get what they want for their birthday. That’s why we ask what they want. And it’s not like the poor kid had a list of 20 things. It was 2 things. And they must be thick not to realise that if a person gives them an idea, they aren’t going to get the thing themselves to avoid duplicate gifts. So if they don’t get it the child won’t get the thing they asked for.
The grandparent shouldn’t have asked for an idea if they didn’t want to use it, or they should have told OP from the get go they weren’t going to get it.
If I give gift ideas I always tell people it’s totally fine to get something different but please to let me know so I can either give the idea or someone else or get it myself.
It’s also not ungrateful of the OP. To get annoyed at what is also a passive aggressive swipe at their parenting? ‘Ooh not another plastic thing’. F that.

All you have to say is, he's really in Bluey, or Star Wars at the minute. It's not a massive inconvenience

Yes, thank you is the only response. But how fucking stupid to continually ask for ideas, only to continually reject them without telling the parent and ending up getting them stuff they already have? They are also probably the type to complain ‘why didn’t you tell me she already had that?’ 🤷‍♀️

Apparently on here they do, or they think it’s stellar grandparenting to do so 🙄

Well, I’m a granny, and I get whatever is asked for (including plastic tat) and often something else as well. I just want my DGC to be happy, and would much rather have suggestions than get something unwanted or age inappropriate. It’s much easier if you see the children near their birthday, then you can ask them, but if my DIL made a suggestion, I would buy EXACTLY what was requested.

Exactly this !!!! What the hell is wrong with making the kids happy. It's what they'll remember in later life, having great birthdays. There's plenty of time later for them to learn disappointment in life !!! And I absolutely do not agree that getting the birthday gift they really want makes them spoiled or entitled... IT MAKES THEM HAPPY !!!!! And to all banging on about "plastic tat"..... take a look around your house and see just how much plastic you've actually got. Don't ask if you're not going to get what's suggested !!!! I feel sorry for the kids of those of you who think it's OK to see them miserable on their birthday!!!

Then don't do it.

That wasn't what I suggested but I was too general. Grandparents etc tend to buy when they see something suitable/think DC will like. Sensible to keep receipts.
OP said she loved to 'spoil' her DC on his birthday. He asked for two things but she got lots of extras as well, as did her own DPs, who are (she said) very generous. She compared their generosity to her MiL's attitude which was to ask advice but not take it and buy something she thought her DGC would enjoy, even though it was not asked for (a book in the OP's opinion 3 years ahead of child's reading age - doesn't she read to her DC?).
So the DC asked for 2 things, but OP intends spoiling him with lots of other gifts, setting him up to expect what he asks for and more as he grows up - not a life lesson useful to learn.
In less than a nutshell that was my point.

No unreasonable at all. Anyone who says it's petty obviously hasn't been in the same scenario. I feel this! My MIL is the same, if not worse.
Don't bother with suggestions in future and if asked explain why you won't give ideas! If you had known she wasn't going to get it then you would have. At the end of the day you can buy your child whatever you want!
My MIL told me she was getting a particular present for my Son (the one thing he really wanted) I was hesitant as I wanted to be the one to give it to him. But, I felt as long as he was getting it then someone else could enjoy the credit. Birthday comes. DS is disappointed to not open said gift from me DH and DD. But was still happy with hia other bits. Get to MIL and he opens his gifts. No where to be seen is the present we spoke about. All she said was oh I didn't think it looked all that and he would prefer this. Livid! Looked online and it was out of stock everywhere. So annoying!

Don't feel bad or unjustified! It's your DS special day and she's made it less special!

Voting has closed but YABU. You should be glad on your DS's behalf that he has a loving gran who has thoughtfully chosen something she thought he'd like. It's fine to give gift suggestions if you are asked for them, but you shouldn't expect these to be set in stone. If you want him to have the toy, buy him one yourself instead.

Not at all. Children are children and say what they think. It isn't rude to point out you already have something. It's a fact and it wouldn't of happened if MIL had stuck to her end of the deal. Rude would have been calling it rubbish. Why should a child fake something or lie because of someone else?

She bought him a book that is three years too old for him when he asked for a toy. Seems more passive aggressive than loving and thoughtful to me.

Just an observation, but why do so many mums-netters hate on their in-laws so much? Every other post is about how much someone dislikes their MIL, or sometimes SIL, then when I read it, it is usually over the smallest thing. In this particular example, poor kid didn't get one of the plastic toys he wanted, ffs. He got a book instead, big deal, first world problems. When did people start being so sodding ungrateful? People should stop sweating the very small insignificant stuff, life is too short

We agree on that.

Perhaps she thinks he is intelligent enough to enjoy the book anyway? Surely children do not stick rigidly to books within their 'reading age'; even if their reading skills aren't developed enough to read an 'older' book, what has happened to parents reading books to their children?

This.

This is just my pov & not a criticism of your ways OP. I think many children are far too indulged on birthdays leading to a sense of entitlement & often a strop if they don't receive exactly what they want. When my house became filled with gifted toys I decided enough was enough. I systematically went through every toy & asked DC to say keep or donate. The donated toys then went to charity. I have no objection to new toys as long as we are not inundated with them. Clothes & educational toys are always appreciated too & my DC have learned never to complain. If something they have asked for is not provided on the day of the birthday they can buy it with birthday money later.
FWIW, I hate being given suggestions as to what gifts to buy children or adults. If I'm stuck for ideas I'll ask. My reason is often you can't find the exact item or it's way over the budget you've offered.