MIL ignored gift idea

[Memo88]

It’s My DS’s birthday at the weekend, he asked for two new toys on his birthday list.

My side of the family are very generous with gifts, and I love the whole process of spoiling people for their birthday. My mum asked what DS wanted so I suggested one of the birthday list gifts which she got along with a couple of other bits. MIL asked what DS would like and the other toy was within the budget she gave so I suggested that - then DS would get both asked for toys and there’s no favouritism between sides.

In the meantime I’ve thought of and bought gifts from us and his younger brother, all sorted.

Or so I thought, MIL has decided DS doesn’t need / she doesn’t want to buy another plastic toy so she’s going to get a book which is 3 years above his reading level for him 🙄.

I’m so annoyed that DS now won’t get the only two toys he’s actually asked for, because my judgemental MIL thinks he has enough toys. AIBU to tell her no the next time she inevitably asks for a suggestion?

@KreedKafer 🤣🤣 and Xmas also. People use Xmas as a teaching tool to get few gifts.

I'm a granny and I refuse to buy plastic tat. Keep the book and he can read it when he's ready, and next time offer some non-plastic tat suggestions. My dd respects my preferences and offers useful suggestions. I also buy clothes, coats, trainers, PJs, freeing her up to buy the current plastic tat he wants.

I really hate the fact people associate plastic with tat. What if your grandchild wanted Lego or toy animals for imaginary role play? Not all plastic toys are cheap throw away crap that last two minutes.

Oh @LifeExperience - why wouldn’t you want to get a gift your grand child would like? They will still get the same amount of plastic (and if it’s tat is in the eye of the beholder - if it will be played with and cherished, why does the material it’s made of matter?) , but they will not enjoy and be happy with grandma’s gifts. Only other peoples.

giving a gift you know the person receiving won’t enjoy or want, but you feel it would be better for them to have, seems pretty arrogant.

Why ask what they would like if you are going to get something else that you feel is 'superior'

Plastic does not equal tat. There are many plastic toys that are loved and played with for years and years and often end up staying in such good condition they can be passed on to- think LEGO/Duplo.

Often it's the wooden toys, which are not deemed tat, that wear out and can't be passed on as many times

@LifeExperience
Do your DGC actually appreciate clothes?
My boys don't really unless it's a footy strip for the youngest.

I've lost count of the number of jumpers etc that have lay in drawers until outgrown then charity shopped.
I'm more with it now - I return them with or without a receipt.

At Christmas buy them something that will make them smile 😃
The plastic years are actually very short (other than Lego). Remember the song 🎵 In a Barbie world, life in plastic is fantastic.....

Fine but then don't ask what the kid wants

When I was a child I was taught to have good manners and say thank you for presents, not whinge about them.

This is exactly how I was brought up too. Keep my selfish ungrateful mouth shut when my brothers got everything they wanted and what I wanted while I was forced to be great full for receiving dolls (which creep me the fuck out) and other “girly” toys and dresses.

I will never and have never done that to my children. Birthdays and Christmas’s are about them getting things they want, it dose not make them spoiled or ungrateful, it means that twice a year they get to pick things they really want that we have said no to throughout the year and know they will get them.

To the PP whose mother gives money that’s preferable at least - mil gave our teens v expensive tokens to a shop they have no interest in (book shop we have a house full of books and library membership and they are teens so reading less). They would have loved the cash value of the tokens. Just such a waste of their money.

Buy it yourself.

What's the point really?
I never buy vouchers its estimated a huge percentage of them are never used.

Although tween / young teen boys are so hard to buy for. I really miss the plastic but even more I miss things like DVDs and CDs. Everyone streams stuff.

if they wanted to make their own choices they shouldn’t have asked what to get the child??

What, exactly oh wise one, have I 'made up? Children do make crazy demands, I heard enough of them when I was teaching to know that that isn't 'made up'. As for something better to do, yes deary, the grass needs cutting and will get cut this evening when it's cooler, I did part of it this morning, about 8.30 before it got too hot, so don't fret about me love.

Because you are utterly self centred and it’s all about you I’d suggest.

I hope that this grandma also lives by the no plastic tat rule in her own house.

@JudgeJ Excellent, some fresh air and exercise will be lovely.

Agree!

I usually end up buying gift vouchers off my DDs so they have the money to buy something they want.

i think in @TheaBrandt case I’d buy the vouchers and get books with them to gift back to mil.

Well, I’m a granny, and I get whatever is asked for (including plastic tat) and often something else as well. I just want my DGC to be happy, and would much rather have suggestions than get something unwanted or age inappropriate. It’s much easier if you see the children near their birthday, then you can ask them, but if my DIL made a suggestion, I would buy EXACTLY what was requested.

This is what I have done in the past too. Birthday money is great, for getting those presents they really wanted.

Hi op,

I am, for once, team MIL. She can buy whatever she wants so except if in an previous years and without fail she did what you asked…I would really rethink your approach. To be told kinda last minute isn’t great but she could have not at all…

Did she say she was indeed going to buy that toy or did she just thank you for sharing an idea?

now for remedies : is there any of your gifts that you can return and have reimbursement to provide the cherished other one?

I hope it all works out. Birthdays are a thing at ours too so I understand the upset of not having it « perfect » for your kiddo.

🌺🌺

You are lucky she asked. She did not have to and she did not have to buy what you suggested. A book 3 years older than his reading age is for you to read to him. An excellent idea.

My mother in law always did this. I just stopped suggesting things the DC's had specifically asked for , it was easier. Her expectation was that I suggest things that she wanted to buy, I'm not a mind reader

Why should someone be grateful for something they don't want? This isn’t grandma just getting it wrong, it's about making a decision her GS has too much plastic and choosing something worthy. What could be more worthy than a book? Well, a book that the child can enjoy because it's age appropriate. Buying books that aren't, is a great way to put kids off reading.

It just seems odd to me to ask for ideas, others go to efforts to give you ideas then you totally ignore entirely and get something far more expensive than the items on the list which are frankly not wanted. Surely this is lose / lose on all fronts! Except the shops!

And yes Dh and I are working our way through £200 of book tokens as we gave the teens the money - so we are the losers here!

Mental load!!

please!

Its what you have given yourself to stress over, perhaps wonder if your child really needs all this stuff and giving ideas and suggestions. Next time, anyone can just get him what they feel is appropriate and if he doesnt like them then they can go to charity. A child still benefits.

Honestly some of these replies

Does no one read to their children anymore?

I had lots of 'advanced' books when I was a child. I grew into a fantastic and voracious reader because of it. My parents read to me all the time.