MIL ignored gift idea

[Memo88]

It’s My DS’s birthday at the weekend, he asked for two new toys on his birthday list.

My side of the family are very generous with gifts, and I love the whole process of spoiling people for their birthday. My mum asked what DS wanted so I suggested one of the birthday list gifts which she got along with a couple of other bits. MIL asked what DS would like and the other toy was within the budget she gave so I suggested that - then DS would get both asked for toys and there’s no favouritism between sides.

In the meantime I’ve thought of and bought gifts from us and his younger brother, all sorted.

Or so I thought, MIL has decided DS doesn’t need / she doesn’t want to buy another plastic toy so she’s going to get a book which is 3 years above his reading level for him 🙄.

I’m so annoyed that DS now won’t get the only two toys he’s actually asked for, because my judgemental MIL thinks he has enough toys. AIBU to tell her no the next time she inevitably asks for a suggestion?

Yabu and ungrateful, I can't imagine having such a materialistic outlook on things. It's my son's 6th birthday next week and when people have asked I've given suggestions but have always added that they don't have to give anything/ any gift will be much appreciated.

My toddler enjoys some of my son's phonics books and I'm pretty sure they are way above her level! It sounds like you're just finding a way to be pissed off about the present because it's not from the list. A book can be enjoyed at any age if you read it to them or look at the pictures.

My MIL buys stuff that I would not personally choose for my kids but I always try to be positive and appreciative. This whole outlook of having a list and no one should dare to deviate from it is just a bit sad imo and alien to me. I hope my kids don't grow up thinking like this.

Who said no one reads to their child anymore, op certainly didn’t, she’s upset her mil asked what DS wanted and got him something different.

I hate my DDs being given books, they don’t need any, we have 100s of books in the attic for them to grow into and 100s more on various bookshelves throughout the house. When they get new books it’s what they want to read and they will pick them themselves.

The three times I gifted children books was 1) when the birthday girls mum gave me a list of wanted books her dd had been trying to find and 2) 2 personalised autographed books by the author on a new book that just went on sale so knew the children had not read them yet. I also checked with the parents that the children would read the books and appreciate the personalisation.

Presents are a privilege, not a right. Just say thank you and move on.

It’s not ungrateful. They asked what the child would like- the parents told them.

If the parents had known this would be ignored, they would’ve bought the thing the child really wanted… and been grateful for whatever the grandparents had brought.

I book thats 3 years over his reading age (excluding dyslexia) is also likely to have a story line thats not age appropriate, be too long, not hold their attention either

Be declared "boring" stuffed back on the shelf never to be read ever.

@soupfiend @bakewellbride
Yes people read to their kids. But people read age and stage appropate books.
I'm assuming the child is 6 or 7 to be young enough to really want plastic toys.

Books for 9 / 10 year olds just aren't appropriate to read to such young kids. And they tend to lack pictures.

If plastic toys aren't Granny worthy I'm guessing Captain Underpants and Wimpy Kid aren't either. I'd bet she's bought some sort of classic, Oliver Twist, Railway Children

@Memo88 Please come back and tell me if I'm somewhere near right!

To find out if it's a power play or not, next time MIL asks for suggestions say "Ah yes you bought him a book for his birthday, if you're wanting to get him a book he is really into x at the minute and hasn't seen his new book yet, or would love anything to do with dinosaurs." If she buys something along those lines, well then you're sorted and give her book suggestions- that's what we did with my DM until DS grew out of the annual Guinness book of records, if she still gives you a book or something else age inappropriate, then I'd tell her to buy what she wants going forward.

Agree.

Grandma could have bought the book without asking for suggestions if she was so keen on grandson having it or asked if there is anything that she shouldn’t get or stay away from that her grandchild wouldn’t like. Tbh, if she is close to her grandchild, she should already have an idea of his likes and dislikes.

Depends what it is. One should read to children books which they cannot yet read themselves, I think, so I read The Dark is Rising sequence to my children when they were 5 and 8 - both enjoyed it. I don't know what the book is, of course, and if I thought that as a gift it was unsuitable currently, I'd put it on the DC's bookshelf for next year.
We don't get to choose the presents other people give our DCs.

My late DM bought all sorts of books and toys for my DCs. Appropriate or not - and usually appropriate - they were gratefully accepted as the gifts of love. Perhaps OP's DS does have too many plastic toys?

It’s still ungrateful

I've had people do this and its so annoying, I now just ask them to get something that I'm not too bothered whether they get or not, or now that DD is a bit older I just say get a gift card so that she can choose something herself or pool gift cards together to get a more expensive item. I get that some people think its cheeky stipulating what to get but its really frustrating when someone specifically asks what to get, I tell them and then a few days before birthday/Christmas they say its out of stock etc. when they could have bought it 4 weeks ago when they asked.

It’s not any one but the parents place to decide if their child has too many plastic toys or not.

Don't grandparents have a look in occasionally? Not that my DM ever said anything about toys - but we were very selective in what we bought. No idea how old OP's DS is either.

I thought we all knew plastic was bad for the environment, anyway. Perhaps MiL thinks that?

@AliceMcK it's the GOs choice not to buy one, based on what they feel about the amount of plastic that the good has.

Which they did.

GPs not GOs

Child not good!

Damn autocorrect

Buy the other toy on his list for Xmas, or keep what you've already bought until Xmas and give him the other toy for his birthday

Hello mother in law

It’s not necessary for your son to have everything he wants. You’re setting him up to be disappointed in life if this is what you do with him.

It sounds like you're just finding a way to be pissed off about the present because it's not from the list. Or maybe because it’s from MIL. “My side of the family are very generous with gifts” and “my judgemental MIL”. It sounds as if there’s a clash of family cultures.

My MIL used to ask me what to get my two for birthday/christmas every year. I would provide her with options, informing her i would get them myself otherwise if she chose not to, shed tell me shell get them, then get something COMPLETELY different and then moan and complain when the kids open it and say ' ive already got that' and it would some how be my fault. I gave up.

I no longer give ideas from the list of "things I definitely want DS to get". I'll give ideas from the "this would be nice but is not totally necessary" list instead. It is annoying, but we can't control what other people want to buy 😞

What a miserable controlling bunch here! And as for the poster who “hates” people buying her dc books… what on earth?! I have a million books but am always open to discovering something new.

Aren’t presents supposed to be surprises too? Just to receive what’s been “ordered” - boring!

He wants two things. It's not beyond reasonable.

If something is beyond limits, cost, size, just not suitable, you manage expectations. You don't wait for birthday or Christmas for kid to find out they are getting other stuff but not the thing they want.

Sorry kiddo you can't get a massive barbie house no where to put it, how about a barbie caravan?

I don't know how you say "Sorry kid your not getting the caravan because Granny thinks you have too many toys" 🤔

Edited to say I'm thinking of conversion when I was a kid and it was Sindy!

Did you never ask for things for your birthday or Christmas?