MIL ignored gift idea

[Memo88]

It’s My DS’s birthday at the weekend, he asked for two new toys on his birthday list.

My side of the family are very generous with gifts, and I love the whole process of spoiling people for their birthday. My mum asked what DS wanted so I suggested one of the birthday list gifts which she got along with a couple of other bits. MIL asked what DS would like and the other toy was within the budget she gave so I suggested that - then DS would get both asked for toys and there’s no favouritism between sides.

In the meantime I’ve thought of and bought gifts from us and his younger brother, all sorted.

Or so I thought, MIL has decided DS doesn’t need / she doesn’t want to buy another plastic toy so she’s going to get a book which is 3 years above his reading level for him 🙄.

I’m so annoyed that DS now won’t get the only two toys he’s actually asked for, because my judgemental MIL thinks he has enough toys. AIBU to tell her no the next time she inevitably asks for a suggestion?

I have to laugh at all these perfectly normal things, which people have been doing since forever, now being described as "mental load" 😂😅

I suggest you give your MILs child the "mental load"

We had this for a couple of birthdays/Christmas. We now give suggestions the child would like but not the top presents. Not surprisingly she moans that my family but the beater presents. Can't win !!

Never ask other people to get the must have gifts unless you are 100% sure they would get it (fine to tell your mum if you know she would get it).

I wouldn’t even come up with any ideas next time for MIL, she’s just going to choose herself anyway.

So instead of overloading him with plastic, she's buying him a book. How awful.

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you'll find
You get what you need

Bit of a non issue imo. People don’t always adhere to present suggestions and it’s not fair to be annoyed if they don’t. Anyone giving a gift has the right to use their own judgment about it.

If my son has specific things he really wants then (within reason) I get those myself so I have control over it and know he won’t be disappointed.

The book will come into its own one day. My lovely grandpa bought my son a set of Beatrix Potter books when he was a baby. Had no use for them then, but now that he’s 3 he absolutely adores them.

Because the OP can easily put a book on a shelf and come back to it when he’s bigger.

Some real lack of common sense here.

@Changingplace The real lack of common sense is buying someone a present that they can't use for several years. Literally what is the point of gifting it now, rather than waiting until it's age appropriate?

Would you like it if someone bought you something for your birthday that you couldn't use for several years?

It’s just a kids book, children don’t need to receive everything they put on a birthday list, it’s good to learn that sometimes they’ll get just some of those things and that’s ok.

When I was a child I was taught to have good manners and say thank you for presents, not whinge about them.

She’s not going to be thrilled when all he can talk about is your DM’s present!

Im wondering what kind of main present costs the equivalent of a book?

It’s annoying. Ours teens are very choosy. They spend ages putting together wish lists of pretty modestly priced items. Forwarded to MIL. She responds she will only shop on Amazon. The girls then found the items on Amazon and put those on their lists.

I did say to mil if you would like to gift please either stay on list, give money or honestly don’t bother as otherwise it goes to waste. What does she do?! She opted for very expensive tokens in a shop they never buy from and won’t swap the vouchers for cash. So aggravating. Waste of her £200.

Some odd responses here.

Of course MIL can buy whatever she wants, but why go to the bother of asking OP what DS wants if she is then going to blatantly ignore it and buy a more "worthy" present, of which she can't even be bothered to actually buy age appropriately.

There’s some joyless fuckers on this thread.

It's a gift. You made a suggestion. She declined.

It's important for kids to accept that they don't always get what they want from young age...

Indeed.

The OP is not being greedy or entitled or ungrateful she's just understandably frustrated that she took the time to give a suggestion when asked for it and it was ignored.

We have family members who have done similar in the past and now I refuse to give them any ideas, which annoys them but my logic is they aren't going to use the suggestions anyway so there's no point giving them.

Goodness me, it was a suggestion, not an order. Really not a big enough thing to get worked up about.

This would annoy me. Mil is not thinking of your child but of what she wants to get him, what she wants to do (read to hi
). she is a selfish woman.

I'm team mil, I wouldn't want to buy more plastic tat either.

A book is something he can keep and enjoy, even if it's a bit old for him right now.

So you wouldn't ask for ideas then. Or if you did surely you'd ask for ideas for books they might like.

What you wouldn't do is ask for a present suggestion of something they wanted, give no indication that you wouldn't be buying that gift because it's more plastic and then purchase a book because you felt that was a more worthy gift.

So the grandparents who choose their own present get it wrong, and the grandparents who ask for ideas are adding to the mental load.

As usual, can't win. Especially if in-law GPs.

Yes a birthday is exactly the occasion for a young DC to realise that granny feels it's more important to make a point - and not even a good one at that by not actually buying a book for the right age range that they might enjoy - than buy the present they actually have asked for and want.

😂 OMG yes! The selfish woman wants to read to him! How dare she.
So many people post on here about DC having piles of plastic tat.
Another ‘I can’t stand my MiL’ thread.

Next birthday get her to give him money or money, she probably secretly thinks he gets too much stuff that's why she got the book.

Think a few people need to go and look up the definition of a suggestion.