New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

When she started I think she had support, but things then went wrong, as often happens in life.

OP - will you keep us updated about what happens. There has to be a solution- somewhere

But she can still hold of a few years if need be she will still be qualified in a few years when her situation is better

True, but she needs to get experience now, having just qualified

Why. What is she supposed to do for money in the meantime? She needs to earn a living for herself. Your working years go by in the blink on an eye. You shouldn’t have to give up a career for children

Lots of parents adjust having children. This nurse won't be the only one struggling to balance family and work. NHS is tbh full of struggling nurses.

My husband is a teacher. So much easier as a parent. If I had a second go I would opt for that or another similar 9-17 job.

@MumChp I don't think this is true. You have no idea how difficult it can be working a 13 hour shift as a single parent. I don't want to be negative as OP has done so well to complete a nursing degree with 5 DC!

However I actually am a single mum also work in the NHS with 0 family help. 7am starts, 8pm finishes and night shifts would not be fair on OPs children at all.

I hope OP can perhaps use her degree some how maybe a non clinical job role? But still nursing.

I think OP needs to apply for outpatients ASAP.

Absolutely you shouldn't but unfortunately sometimes life happens and you have to work a job that fits in with children while their so young.

In a perfect world absolutely but unfortunately in the real world you do sometimes have to make sacrifices. Being a single parent without a support system doesn't work, doing 13hr shifts that covers day, nights, weekends and holidays. Why the children are still so young

You will generally have the option to chose which of the ‘key days’ you prefer from Christmas Eve, day or Boxing day and then NYE/NYD. No guarantees but some people prefer CE off.

Some wards will split the 12 hour shifts so there may be an option to use some AL on the key days.

I was always more than happy to work Christmas before I had kids and assumed the same courtesy would apply when I had my kids. It didn’t 😉

If all else fails, you may have to consider exceptional/unpaid leave.

Maybe speak to a local church. I know a lot of them work hard to offer gatherings etc. to make sure people aren't alone on Christmas Day. You might find that they have people on their team who would be suitable and willing to offer childcare too.
It might not be ideal, but it's a possibility?

And well done OP on completing your course!

Too late now @ItsSpookySeason as you’ve signed a contract but I’ll say it again. Look into primary care. You’re not employed by the trust and nothing to do with them - you are employed directly by the partners in a surgery. It’s their business and they can hire at will, unencumbered by the HR tangle that you’ll find in a trust. They may advertise on NHS jobs, local primary care network or ICB websites etc.

As a single parent with a frequently absent ex and a child with complex needs working in primary care was the only way I could maintain a nursing career. There was no flexibility in hospital roles at all.

Missing the point of the post but I just can’t get past the on tap paid for childcare for 5 children under 12 on bank holidays, early mornings, evenings and weekends and it’s never ever an issue except Christmas Day.

Do you not understand it? What is your point?

And affordable on a NQ nurse's salary...

@Starlingexpress I was always more than happy to work Christmas before I had kids and assumed the same courtesy would apply when I had my kids. It didn’t 😉

What about those of us who don't plan on having children? Should we work every Christmas so parents can be off?

No I don’t understand how it’s logistically, practically or financially possible. At all.

Whats your point?

On a nurses' salary? Are you mad?!

It irritates me that people never seem to think about the children in this situation. You were a child, and (hopefully and probably) had magical memories of Christmas. That is what matters, especially when children still believe in Santa and the other parent is MIA. This isn't about OP, but it's about childrens' right, not that of the parents. A child's right to a family Christmas whilst young matters more than that of someone without kids (for whatever reason), who can celebrate the next day and it's all the same. Think of the children, especially if they are under the age of 10.

Yeah it’s absolutely crucial that 30 something you has every Christmas off. Damn 6 year olds missing their mummy on Christmas morning-they need to grow a pair 😉

Thankfully I’m well past the stage of Christmas off duty tantrums 🤓

Why does a child’s “right to Christmas” trump other people though?
Children can celebrate the next day and it’s all the same, if anything they are significantly less aware of dates and days than adults.

No you shouldn’t. You are entitled to time off at Christmas just as much as someone with children is. It’s a parents responsibility to seek employment that does not include Christmas working, if they expect to be at home with their children every single year on Christmas Day. Why should a colleague without kids have to just pick up the crap.

I agree. When I was childless not through choice I really needed my time with my family

Why do child free colleugues owe them more than the childs own father?

You can get stuffed if you think I'm giving up every xmas with my family so that someone else's kid can spend xmas with their parents. I'm still a person you know. Not some sad, childless cat lady. I don't owe anybody else's kids anything.

Here's hoping you are not in a "caring" profession, like nursing. Would never describe someone as a "childless cat lady" or otherwise criticize their personal choices (which may not be choices anyway). But, I still think children matter the most, and children under the age of 10 especially should take priority for Christmas with their family. It would mean others worked more Christmases, but not all.
I don't see why that is unfair - we all take a turn at being children!