New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Then maybe parents should stop treating non parents as second class citezens

Except it WILL be all because e.g once Graces children are over the age of 10 new employee Sarahs kids are under 10 It wouldnt end

Why should I spend my entire working life doing more Christmas shifts than those who choose to have children? Where's the fairness in that? When is it my turn?

I'm not asking for every Christmas off though, am I? I'm just asking not to work every Christmas, that's the difference. It's not childfree people refusing to take their turn. Don't minimise the issues people face by referring to tantrums.

Then their parents should ‘prioritise’ them and get a job that doesn’t involve working Christmas Day? Why is it someone else’s responsibility to do this? Children with parents working in a 24/7 nhs service adapt. Most don’t even need to, they have never known any different and it just is. They accept that mum or dad is going to work on Christmas Day because people don’t stop being poorly because it’s Christmas.

Jesus, won't somebody think of the children... 🙄 Nobody has a 'right' to a family Christmas, that's a privilege. Children get two weeks off over Christmas, so yes, it could be celebrated a different day. Unlike my situation where last year DH worked 24th-26th (when I was off) and I went back to work on the 27th. I'm not whining about it though, it was his year to work. If their child having a family Christmas on the 25th December every year is essential, the parent should have thought of that before they 1. Went into a profession requiring shift work and 2. Had kids. And I say that as a nurse's wife.

During the many years I managed a large team I heard so many perfectly valid reasons to not want to work Christmas
They wanted to be with their children
They wanted to be with their parents/siblings they'd not seen for months
They wanted to be with their bereaved parent
They wanted to curl up and hide because they were heartbroken
They wanted to be with a terminally ill relative/friend.

Being the parent of young children who will forget you weren't there for some of it isn't the only reason to not work Christmas

My point is... don't expect management to do anything other than dish out the shifts evenly.

For those saying parents shouldn't work in a profession requiring round the clock care, can you think for a second: a) that would really bugger up the NHS for everyone - most of all those left; b) that would mean those without kids would be working every Christmas; c) no-one has spoken about their own childhoods. Just random anti parent (mostly mother) crap. Yes, think about the kids. It is not fair on them - if they are old enough to remember and young enough to believe in the magic - to be without their parents.

And it's not fair for me to have to work more than my fair share of Christmases to facilitate someone else's life choices.

It's not fair that a childless young staff nurse misses the last Christmas with her terminally ill parent to cover for a young mother with a toddler either.

Is it.

That specific scenario is not going to happen very often. I'm sure most hospitals can cope with both parents of youngish children and those whose own parents are expecting their last Christmas. In fact, that would also potentially require a change to regular rotas etc - but rightly so.

"Fair share" is subjective. You are using it to mean divided equally, and I don't think that is fair. It is not about your or anyone's else's "choices" (being a parent or not a parent may not be an actual choice), but about the child - and they certainly did not have a choice. Yes, you should work your fair share, and that's means more than equal if others have youngish children.

As a single parent with no help from the father also, I really feel for you OP. Sometimes things seem impossible logistically!

Do you have any friends or do they have school friends that they can go to? I'd happily add your 5 to my 2 at Christmas, maybe you know someone who feels the same?

Nobody said parents shouldn't work in the NHS, merely that they shouldn't expect special treatment. Something like 80% of people are parents, it's not feasible for them all to be off.

My parents were civil servants so yes I have nice memories of us all being off. DH's dad was in the police. He remembers getting up to open presents and his dad going to bed as he was just in off nightshift, or having Christmas dinner late cos his dad was dayshift. He's not traumatised by it, it was just normal for them.

This is absolutely ridiculous 🙄 you accuse people of being anti-parent/mother when they've been nothing of the sort, and then genuinely say that childfree people should work worse shifts. Unbelievable. 'Fair share' is absolutely not subjective in this context.

@LewishamMumNow at the point of doing a Christmas off duty a manager will consider all sorts of requests. Being a parent was never the trump card on my ward.

You choose to do a 24/7 job, but don't expect not to do your share of the crap

TBF 80% are not parents of kids aged, say 2-10. That would be a much smaller proportion.

It would be interesting to know. It would still be a significant chunk of the working population though, and then you have the nurses with grandchildren who want it off too.

Hi OP, a big congratulations on getting your nursing degree and PIN, a major achievement. As it is only the xmas period that you can't work, I would let your future employer know this. You are being very fair and reasonable.
Congratulations again!

If they're "young enough to believe in the magic" they can be told the magic is happening on 24 or 26 Dec and they'll never know the difference.

If they're older they can manage with a sitter or relative till mum returns home from work at 4pm.

I missed my last Christmas with my nan because a parent stropped. Never again. People who prioritize "the magic" need to take that into account when choosing their occupation.

Well said!

That is not the same. Plenty of kids don't spend Christmas with GPs due to logistics and all sorts of reasons. GPs should never take priority over parents in terms of spending time with grand/kids. (Obvs people who are GPs may have special situations - as many anyone.)

OP, I used to give a lift to a single parent who worked annualised hours as a nurse at our local NHS hospital. So she was effectively 9 - 5, term time only. Obviously it reduced her pay but it enabled her to work in her chosen career. Worth a word with HR?

Sorry about your nan, but GPs are not the same as parents. As far as choosing your occupation goes....people tend to do this years, if not decades, before having kids, so it's not practical.
Totally at a loss as to why people think of themselves and not youngish kids.....

This is awful, that parent was so selfish.