AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

You can't be angry with her for wanting to give her grandchildren a present at Christmas!

What kind of difference would her gift make anyway?

You can't dictate what people buy you/your kids! Of course you can suggest that you want a certain item, or or cash, or nothing at all, or suggest something as a family (like secret Santa) but you can't just demand something and get angry if someone doesn't agree!

I think both of us our mothers would be upset to be asked not to give our DC a physical present for Christmas. They'd probably go along with it, but they wouldn't like it.

What age are DC?

Part of what is nice about being a grandparent (I imagine) is treating your grandkids, especially at Christmas. It’s a bit entitled to dictate to others what they can gift your DC just so that you can enjoy a summer holiday off their generosity. It’s bordering on CF territory. YABU.

You are unreasonable to be angry with her for disagreeing with you.

While I'm not a fan of buying tat for the sake of buying tat asking for money at Christmas won't go down well with everyone.

How old are your kids?

I think you can ask people to give cash instead of gifts you can’t insist on it.

Gawd that's so cheeky.

I'd not be impressed if my family members expected me to fund their summer holidays.

I am actually confused by this.

Say your kids have £300 spent on them for Christmas, from everyone? You want that £300 to go, not to the kids. But to you so you can afford a family holiday? So the kids are essentially paying towards it?

I think yabu. Purely because you cannot dictate to people what they give you as a gift. It’s incredibly rude.

Also, I think you might be underestimating how disappointed your DC might be when they come downstairs Christmas morning and find only one token gift to open. It’s very easy for them to agree to it while they’re sat in the sun, having a lovely time, but come Christmas, their decision might be different.

Out of curiosity, what would you have done if one child had declined and said they’d prefer receiving presents?

Yeah I understand where you are coming from but as PPs have said you can’t prevent a grandparent from buying presents for their grandchildren. Put like this it comes across as cheeky and controlling.

I think its weird. My husband and I will book experience type gifts for one another but I'd feel like a cheeky twat expecting our parents or anyone else to pay for our holidays. You can say your preference is cash but you can't insist on it!

It's also crap for your children, who essentially are missing out on presents to your benefit.

You are being rude and grabby expecting cash in lieu of gifts for your DC. You cannot dictate what others do and your “angry” reaction is concerning.

Yes. This exactly. Not sure this all really stacks up, you can't expect your kids to forgo Xmas presents to foot their seat on the pane.

No way would I be paying for your holiday.

Rude and grabby.

Jesus wept. A quick AS shows your kids are 1 and 4. And you and your husband earn a huge amount.

Why would you say ‘we decided along with the kids’. Your 4 year old might think it’s a great idea now but come Christmas they won’t. How did your one (maybe just 2) year old have an opinion on this that you thought was well thought out and wouldn’t be regretted?

Or is this something where you reveal it’s actually your husbands ex that has asked this or something?

Yes, I agree, I cant imagine many children of all ages really being happy on Christmas morning with one token present.

Also, does this mean you buy them toys/ makeup/games throughout the year , depending on ages ? Or would they just not have toys

With gifts, you can request, but not demand. Unless your MIL usually spends a great deal on the children for Christmas, it doesn't seem like it would make a big difference, anyway, though I can see that it might cause problems if other family members see that not everyone is going along with your plan and some of them resent it.

My family never spent/spends enough to change where we would choose to go on holiday, if we had received the amount in cash, and I have such pleasant memories of opening gifts on Christmas... I wouldn't want to deprive the next generation of that excitement while they're still young. After they're older, it less important, probably, but the amount still wouldn't add up to 'holiday money', in my family.

What age are the kids?
It’s a bit weird to expect children to forgot presents in order for them to pay towards a family holiday.

Either way, if someone wants to buy a gift they will. I don’t think it’s really that appropriate to demand that your MIL doesn’t buy the grand children Christmas presents and instead gives you cash so you have to pay less for a summer holiday. Thats a bit joyless for the grandmother.

You can't control how other people feel about this decision, I don't think my mum or MIL would like it tbh. Also, I know the kids seem really up for it now (as they've just come back from a lovely holiday) but be ready for them to change their tune when everyone else is getting excited for Christmas with prezzies. Small children live for today, and come December 25th their holiday will feel very far away.

Conversely, if no one gave you money and everyone gave presents does that mean you wont go on holiday ?
You've obviously been able to afford a two week holiday this year, will the present money make that much of a difference ?

Oh good grief. Are they really only 1 and 4 ?!
You can’t do this , they’ll have no concept of money, imagine Christmas without presents for a 4 year old !

You can tell people you don’t want to exchange gifts at all anymore, then any money you’d be spending as a family on other people can go to your holiday fund.

You can suggest other people give cash not gifts if they’d like to buy the kids something. Maybe spending money in euros for their holidays.

But you can’t insist anyone gives anything. A gift is … a gift. It’s voluntary and chosen by the giver. If they don’t want to contribute to holidays and give a physical present instead, that’s their prerogative.

So you want others to not give to you....fine...to not give to your children to save you money on a big holiday not fine.