AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

I remember what I got from my grandparents aged 4yo. I opened it in their lounge sitting next to the sofa with my Uncle behind me and it was a set of hair things in a case. There was a hairdryer (powered with a battery), curlers, clips, and hair brushes, all in pink and purple plastic.
I read what was on the bottom. It said "Made in Hong Hong" and I asked where that was, and my grandad got out his huge world atlas to show me. Then I went round and brushed all my family's hair that would let me and decorated them with the clips etc. At the end, Granny helped me fit it all back in the case to take it home.

The next year they brought me a basket with a display of dried flowers in it. I used to carry it round and pretend I was being a bridesmaid.

That was around 45 years ago. No there aren't any photos to remind me, nor have I seen that case in 40 years.
So saying a 4yo will forget by January isn't necessarily true.

How old are your grandchildren?

I think when I hit my teens my grandparents started giving me money or vouchers, so I could choose what to spend it on. It was a good idea, as I had reached an age where I was difficult to buy for and I enjoyed choosing new clothes or makeup (which they would have found difficult to do on my behalf).

That isn't the same as what's happening here. The children aren't able to choose what their Christmas money is being spent on, as the parents have already decided it's going in their holiday fund.

I think I might have got that, or something similar, it was in a cardboard case that you were meant to keep everything in, but I accidentally tore it thinking it was the packaging. 😭 My dad had to sellotape it back together, but of course it wasn't quite the same. 😅

Mine was a plastic case. Which lasted better, but it was totally rigid so you had to really fiddle around to get everything back in.

Ah, that does sound better, though. 👍I think I got mine when I was five or six, so '75 or '76, probably from the Argos catalogue. 😅

Except that in this world with no presents, the children don't have any board games to play (if they are just being bought stuff anyway, then the requesting money towards a summer holiday makes even less sense - just request gifts and put the money you don't spend on the stuff, towards the holiday.

Mine was early 80s, so quite likely an updated version. Quite likely to be Argos too 😀
In fact my dm was probably sent to get it for them to wrap up.

How old are your kids?

It's a great idea if you decide to spend lees on kids and nothing on each other and put the money into savings but it's unreasonable to expect extended family to follow suit!

Sorry OP but asking for money to bankroll your summer holiday is tacky AF

This had to be a windup

YABU.
You can’t bend everyone to your will.
Let your MIL buy gifts for her grandchildren. Do not deny her that pleasure.

YABU you can’t dictate what people buy as a present you sound entitled. What you can do is decide that you’re not giving each other presents or giving your children presents and put that money in a savings pot. I think you’re missing the point about why people give gifts.

Exactly what I was thinking.

It's entirely up to OP, and I can see her reasoning, but personally I would feel a bit miffed about being "told" not to buy a present but put it towards a holiday.

I would quite like to be a fly on the wall on Christmas morning when the holiday is long forgotten and the kids have NO presents from anyone!

Holidays come from the household’s budget, presents from grandparents are not part of the household budget, they are treats for children. You are basically telling your MIL not to treat your children but contribute to your household budget so you can treat your family to better holidays.

Exactly, it is outrageous and mean.

Just offer it as a choice, you can't dictate what others should do. So sad the days when presents were appreciated and waited for, now they aren't even wanted a lot of the time. X

Hi op,

I understand that to have everyone on boards is always nice but…She can do what she wants…
for you to be furious at this, places an intent of use of her money to your benefit and what you think benefit yours. She evidently disagrees.

Enjoy your holiday, she will enjoy her gifts.

good luck 🌺

Myself and my two children do not celebrate Christmas, everyone thinks I’m mad but my reasoning is this : we are not Christian’s 😂😂😂 my kids are 5, 3.. so still young but never had a Christmas present, I ended up taking them on holiday over the Christmas period last year to Switzerland , but think I did this because I often get comments “you are tight” “just put a tree up, get them presents” …. I’m not Christian, never celebrated Christmas apart from a few times when I was a child. In my opinion, everyone who celebrates holidays “for the sake of it”, who are not Christian obviously , is bizarre to me. When it’s my children’s birthdays I go all out, we usually go on holiday, they get lots of gifts , plus we travel abroad 3 times per year , and they have toys etc bikes, all they could want. I just don’t see the point. Plus it’s more of a commercial thing anyway, why do people who are clearly struggling spend all this money to decorate their house and for gifts for everyone else anyway. Surely your children’s birthdays are more important that Xmas day (unless of course you are Christian - then no offence - I understand Christian’s celebrating). We do not celebrate Easter, Halloween either and any other holiday …. Only birthdays and life in general 😂😂😂

I'm not Christian either so don't celebrate Christmas. For those who are, the whole idea of Christmas and what it is supposed to represent has been lost amongst all the extreme commercialisation and for those of us who aren't, why bother. I agree birthdays of real people are far more important than the supposed birthday of someone who may or may not have existed. If this was a real person who was born at the time of the census then the actual birthday would have been around the middle of what is now September as that is when it happened. Christmas has just attached itself to a pagan festival to encourage non-believers to convert. It was, clearly, a very successful marketing ploy.

I remember several years ago, in the early 2000s, a girl at work was delighted when we got a bonus of £500 because that would pay for all the little extra presents. £500 worth of extras!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is just bonkers, who knows what she spent on main presents. That is over £1000 in today's money. Our entire Christmas wouldn't have cost that much.

If you are Christian and encourage your children to be, then I agree it is a bit mean to deprive them of presents when they are so young. The only fair thing to do is to let them enjoy Christmas while they are young and let them make up their own minds when they are old enough to make an informed choice.

I have lovely memories of family Christmases with my parents and grandparents when I was very young, but I think it was more about being off school for a fortnight and spending time with grandparents who we only saw a few times a year because we lived several hundred miles apart.

You should be paying for your (very small) children's holidays. I can't believe you will sacrifice on their behalf, the magic of Christmas and the excitement of seeing their faces opening their presents.
That's without the enjoyment of family members being able to buy them presents.
If it's TRUE, and you have a healthy income, then there is no need for this at all.

I think YABU, gifts given to your children are for them, holidays are for you to pay for.

On another point I’m not a Christian but we love fairly lights and santa and all that stuff so we do it to join in. No-one in my family is a Christian and we all do it. We also lived in the M.E for a time and knew muslim families who liked a xmas tree too, I remember a kid in IKEA moaning at his mum “but we aren’t even Christian’s!” His mum was like “because it’s FUN, we are going to have FUN”. Nothing wrong with a bit of cheer, winter if often a bit gloomy and it brightens everything up for a bit.

This can’t be serious. Pay for your own holiday. Not ask for your kids Xmas present money to fund it.😱

Wow with the pretending only Christians celebrate Xmas now and using it as a way to not give to your own kids.

Most of us get a job to do the duties of the job, not to concern ourselves with the personal circumstances of our colleagues. How magical Christmas is for DC isn't something for their parents colleagues to care about.

Besides what if you had a team where all the nurses had young children?

@Lampslights lol, I’m not pretending Xmas is only for Christian’s , but that’s the whole point of it (celebrating Jesus so Yh - we are ok 😂) I don’t believe in celebrating something for the sake of it … and I hope my children grow up not following the crowd, doing things just because others do, Muslims do not celebrate Xmas and I’m sure their children are fine?! I do not see the point never have never will plus they do not care about presents we spent last year in Geneva and had the best time ever thank you ❤️