AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

Depends on the ages of the kids. If they are actually kids then YABU, if they are over 18 (maybe 16) then YANBU.

They’re 1 and 4 according to another thread the OP started

Im sure their input was invaluable

Good lord that’s awful.
please tell everyone you’d had too much sun and you don’t mean it. That’s so awful

Genuine question OP, how much cash would you guess you’d receive altogether for Christmas?

Just wondering if it would actually be enough to make a dent on your holiday, or if it would just basically be pocket money. A decent 2 wks holiday for a family of five is expensive.

I thought the OP was going to say the kids were teenagers, not a baby and a four-year-old! How can anyone possibly believe such young children have agreed to that decision in any meaningful way? The baby won't understand at all, and the four-year-old lives entirely in the moment - they'll be less than thrilled when they wake up on Christmas morning and there's only one present.

Also, who the hell charges their own young children to go on holiday with them? Why should a baby and a four-year-old be paying for the family holiday out of their Christmas money?

You have persuaded your small children, who are much too young to understand, to forgo christmas presents so that you can get your relatives to subsidise a holiday you could easily afford anyway? Your poor DC.

If this is true then your MIL was absolutely right to call you selfish, in fact I think she's been remarkably restrained as in her position I'd probably have said much worse.

You can bet that the family members who agreed only did so because they felt put on the spot. I doubt very much they think its a "great idea" and I would be utterly amazed if they weren't talking about how mean, grabby and selfish you are behind your backs.

My sister in Christ, your family income is £142k, yes it's tacky as fuck to ask your relatives to fund your summer holiday in lieu of your 4 and 1 year old children getting presents.

Will their step sibling be getting gifts? I'm sure that'll go over fucking fantastically on Christmas day.

This is grabby AF.

No presents is fine.

No presents but give us money is the ultimate of rude.

How old are your kids that they agreed to this? If not adults I bet they will be disappointed come Christmas.

1 and 4 😂😂😂

Some people are funny about Christmas presents. Why they feel the need to buy things for children I don't really understand. We've unsuccessfully attempted to pare down Christmas for the last few years, although when we spend it with DH's family, there's no presents at all and a delightful time is had by all. A family holiday is far better for small children than the dopamine hit of overconsumption. But ultimately, you can't dictate what other people buy or don't buy for them.

It’s extremely mean to use your children’s Christmas presents to go on a summer holiday.

If you want to go on a holiday it’s your job as parents to provide for it. You work, you get paid. And you live within your means.

You don’t take your children’s Christmas presents away from them. It teaches them nothing if that is what you think. It’s just so very mean of you.

It’s fine if you have agreed this between immediate family (you, partner & children) so any gifts money spent on gifts for each other be diverted to holiday fund if everyone agrees. But unreasonable to expect wider family to give cash to pay for YOUR family holiday. They may want to choose a tangible gift. or be sale shoppers/bargain hunters or enjoy choosing something thoughtful. They may enjoy watching the pleasure on grandkids faces when they open gift. If your driver is you feel the family have enough material things and any additions are unnecessary then if I was the granny I would pay for kids to have an experience not to help the parents save their money.

It’s presumptuous and rude.

I think most people understand that small children love Christmas and it's a special time with the gifts. If you want to limit a budget for them, or specify gifts, that's fine. Don't speak for them and ask for a holiday fund, though.

This really isn't about what's best for your kids. Your kids won't care if they go to Spain or Skegness as long as they're having family time.

Did you never love coming down on Christmas morning to a pile of presents?

I did and I remember some of them from 60+ years ago!

Argh. Cringing reading this.

You’re expecting friends and family to fund your summer holiday under the guise of your children’s Christmas present- that’s so wrong!!
We all know how beneficial holiday experiences are but you should fund that (like most people) and your children should still have Christmas like all of their friends. If you don’t want lots of toys, you could ask for passes to theme parks, farms, etc.
Asking for cash to pay for a holiday that will cover your costs is so entitled

Me too, @Nanny0gg ! I also remember my children enjoying it too. They're adults now, those times are so precious.

I'm not dictating to anyone just pointing out all the worries about children being unhappy with this arrangement won't necessarily be the case.

@ZebraGiraffe12 having seen what you both earn you have a bloody cheek!

You can afford a very nice holiday without your children paying towards it

Of course I did as a child. I still don't agree that it's necessary, or good for them. Mass consumption isn't a great source of joy to instil in a child.

Wow that’s awful then! Not sure how they decided as a family including the kids if they are 1 and 4. What a way to ruin Christmas for them too.

You’re a CF.
The kids absolutely should not be paying for their own holiday FGS. Which is essentially what you’re suggesting.

Its interesting now that some parents are so against their DC having toys, or “tat” as they like to call it, then can’t understand why those kids then spend all their time on screens as they get older. Playing is an important part of a child’s development. They don’t need mountains of toys but they need at least some!

It doesn't have to be mass consumption

My favourites were my dolls' pram, books and felt tip pens