AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

Is this a reverse….?

YABVU, you can’t dictate to people what they gift for Xmas and moreso when presumably they aren’t then coming on the holiday either! People want to see the joy their gifts bring, not handover cash.

Holiday (or don’t) within your means like everyone else.

How old are kids?

Cant see them standing by this come December after all the Xmas build up, coming down to a token and being told to wait til the summer like they “agreed”! Did they agree sat round a pool, ice cream in hand….???

At age 1 and 4 they hardly don’t even KNOW what Christmas is yet.

Anyone want to arrange a Go Fund Me for little Timmy's air fryer?

No? Just me then 😬😁

I think this is a reverse and you are MIL. If not you are a true CF.

A four year old most definitely knows what Christmas is.

A gift is a gift, not an obligation.

Unless you were strapped for cash, I wouldn’t give you money.

MIL and the others should say that they also want cash for their holidays, and then you can all just swap money. And noone ends up with anything. 🤣

Yeah I know, but still..it’s not like they will remember that decision in December. It’s weird to say it’s a family decision.

It's your and your DH/P's responsibility to pay for your family holiday, nobody else. People can give whatever they choose to at Christmas and birthdays etc. be that presents or cash. You're being very cheeky to expect others to fund your holiday.

I don’t really think you’ve got the right to dictate how other people spend their money and grandparents get a lot of pleasure from watching kids open pressies.

If money is that tight, you can’t afford a big holiday every year.

So you want family to pay for your holiday
how about have a cheaper holiday and the kids get presents

We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money

Maybe swap want for would like? 🙄

YABU, you cannot decide how other people spend their money.

And you're actually angry as a result of not having that control?

At Christmas I give my kids money which is for them, their partner and their children and tell them no strings attached so do what you like with it. I've "paid" for trips to the theatre, theme parks, annual memberships to local attractions. I love hearing what they've decided to do. Some has even gone towards holidays. I wouldn't like being told to do it, I think suggesting it is fine.

My husband prefers to buy presents so they usually get something from him as well.

I was about to reply that it depends how old your children are. Unless they are teens or older, I don't think you can really expect them to understand what they are agreeing to. Most smaller children on a holiday would be quite enthusiastic about going on another one, and not understand what they were giving up.

If PPs are correct about your children being 1 and 4, it's entirely ridiculous to force this idea on them, and your MIL is being entirely reasonable.

YABU. People can give your children gifts instead of paying for your holiday if that is what they prefer.

O’ sure the children think it’s a great idea in the middle of summer in sunny Spain. Come Christmas it would be a different story. And you can’t tell people what to buy as presents, especially not if you are telling them to give cash.

Is this a family holiday your mil would be included in?

If you’re just expecting her to contribute to a holiday for you, your husband and kids instead of Christmas presents, you are being a cheeky fucker. Pay for your own holiday and leave other people’s present traditions alone.

My GC seem fine with it, they get plenty of gifts and it gives them something to look forward to.

But in OP's idea, they wouldn't get any gifts at all.
Would they really be happy to have nothing at Christmas as they have something to look forward to?

Funding the family holiday is the responsibility of you and your DH not your DC - they are far to young to understand this “choice” - it’s not fair on the DC and it’s also a bit rude!

Your MIL wants to buy gifts for her grandchildren. That’s not unreasonable. It is unreasonable to say that you want money instead for you to spend as you see fit.

if you want nice holidays then save and fund them. Part of the joy in gift giving is getting to choose things that your family will like. You’re trying to take that away. It’s not just about you.

Of all the bat shit reasons I've seen for being angry with a mother in law, this is the bat shittest.....

You don't get to dictate to people they find a holiday, it's their choice!

I’m calling reverse.