AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

But the 1-year old won’t ever get to have that experience. And the 4-year old is pretty young and might not remember that feeling when older. They are not old enough to decide a thing like this. It’s a very unfair decision.

You said "a pile". If it's a pile, it's mass consumption. Some presents is fine, but lots of kids these end up with an absolute mountain of plastic tat that they play with for 20 minutes. And as this thread demonstrates, parents can't say no thanks.

This isn’t real 😂😂

Some Grandmas might b old school not all of us.

Why do you assume it’s mass consumption?

You think your MiL is unreasonable because she's not listening to you but you're not listening to her either. Watching grandchildren open Christmas presents is a great joy for many of us, gifts we have chosen, purchased and wrapped. "Thanks for paying towards my flight next July" isn't the same as "Help me build my rocket, ride my bicycle".

I suppose it depends what you value, we do lots of Christmas stuff, it isn't always about having piles of stuff.

I'm pretty sure three things can make a pile...

I don't think that you can ask this of others. We made a similar decision ourselves a couple of years ago to forego Christmas presents and take a holiday with the money we would have spent instead, but that's only amongst us as an immediate family. It didn't even cross my mind to say to other family members to contribute to these holidays instead of physical gifts.

We don’t have piles of stuff either. Never have. But we can afford both presents and to go on a holiday.

It's not remotely "old school" to want to buy your GC a Christmas present.

@fiorentina I don’t understand people who insist on buying others random gifts. Whilst I’m always polite, it’s better they gift something the recipient would love/appreciate.

What makes you think a 1 and 4 year old would appreciate a flight to Spain in 7 months time rather than a Lego on Christmas Day?

I agree. It is quite natural and normal to give presents to grandchildren and thy generally like opening them. When they are more grown up, they are more likely to want money but it won't be towards a holiday with parents! Parents pay for holidays.

Let her give her grandchildren what she wants to give.

Exactly

Wtf? If your DC are 1 and 4, you're going steal Christmas and the magic of FC away from them, just so you can top up your tan in the summer??

No. Just no.

Do what the rest of us did, a cheap caravan holiday which makes so many memories. My adult DC talk about those far more than the two times I took them abroad.

Crass to be begging for money for your holidays, either under the guise of not wanting Christmas presents or any other way. Same as a self-pay bar at a wedding. Crass as a wedding list at a shop.

So cheeky. Why should they fund your holiday, that they're not even a part of? This makes sense as a decision between the adults who are paying and going on the holiday anyway. Then you're basically saying, let's save the money and all spend it on this holiday which we all enjoy more than the presents. It absolutely makes no sense to try and include other people in this.

Your MIL can give her grandkids Christmas presents, what next!

No, I give my GCs their own Christmas presents. I’m not funding a family holiday.🙄

I didn’t see the ages at all in the OP, and assumed older kids who don’t want toys!

You can’t dictate what others do.

You can suggest no presents for adults and reduce what you buy but you can’t dictate what other people do.

At 1 and 4 you can buy Christmas presents for your children very cheapily. You can try suggesting events and family passes from family members so you save more money on entertainment through the year but this doesn’t go down well with my MIL who likes to give stuff (which takes of space but gwts forgotten about).

Hold on you want your family to fund your summer holiday?!
Fair enough if as an immediate family with the DC you decide to only do token gifts and go on holiday instead but you can't expect other people to fund it in lieu of buying your children presents! If you want to take your children away it's your job as parents to fund it

1. Neither you nor your children are entitled to Xmas gifts off anyone so it's presumptous of you to think you can tell anyone what to give them as a present. I'd never tell someone what I wanted for Xmas unless they specifically asked me.
2. Your preschool children are not responsible for paying for your family holiday and asking your parents to pay towards it is not a gift to them. You're just asking for a handout which is entitled af.

I’m a grandmother and I’d find it really difficult, to not give my grandchildren anything for Christmas. A gift is voluntary and whilst you can make suggestions, you can’t dictate what they should do unfortunately, as nice of an idea as it was

How old are these kids? I've seen people suggesting they're 1 and 4, which appears nowhere in the OP. If they're teenagers and have freely agreed to this, that's a bit different.

BUT - you've no right to dictate to others, especially grandparents, what they can and can't give withr egard to Xmas gifts.

You are being incredibly unreasonable, @ZebraGiraffe12 - you don’t get to dictate what people give you, or get angry because they won’t give you cash. And if, as a pp said, you have a combined income of £142,000, you can afford your own holidays!