AIBU by people's reactions.

[ZebraGiraffe12]

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

Sorry but I think YABU, not just to be angry at MIL for not being happy, but for suggesting it in the first place.

Stopping kids getting Xmas presents from family is weird and controlling, IMO.

Also, any money given to the kids for Xmas is NOT YOURS to put towards a holiday! It's theirs to spend on whatever they like!

I absolutely wouldn't go along with this. Every family needs to fund their own vacations. It doesn't sound like you're struggling financially so there is literally no need.

I'd get what the kids wanted for Xmas and bung you 20 quid in a card, max. You can't reason with little kids like this. They will want Christmas AND a holiday!

You can't expect relatives to ignore your DC at Christmas Especially if they're very young!
Pay for your own holiday.

Absolutely this. How fucking grabby and entitled can you get?

Seriously this has to be a wind up, surely one one thinks this is ok

My parents have always given me no-strings cash for the kids at Xmas, and we usually spend it on something similar - e.g. tickets, an activity, etc. But I wouldn't spend it on the basic holiday it would be an extra just for the kids, e.g. pick whatever you want to do at centerparcs. And my mum always got them "something to open" on top.

The other problem with this is overinvesting in a holiday. It is 7 to 14 days, and it is not guaranteed to be perfect. If your DC has a vomiting bug that ruins the entire trip for them, or the flights get cancelled because of an airport issue, then how much worse would that be if the whole year has been focused on that? It's just not fair.

I don’t understand people who insist on buying others random gifts. Whilst I’m always polite, it’s better they gift something the recipient would love/appreciate. If a relative said this I’d respect their wishes. Or perhaps she could buy something for a holiday. Eg a specific experience or something to use like a paddle board?

YABVU

The kids deserve Christmas presents.

You are being selfish and greedy.

You can make choices on what you spend your money on.

You cannot make choices on what other people spend their money on.

I don't know. Apparently according to Prince Harry his son was desperate for a waffle maker for Christmas when he was 18 months old, and loved it.

Tbf ds might have been obsessed with it at that age. Probably licking it. Ds had an obsession with licking at that age. Dd1 and dd2 would have loved the box it came in I guess.

Grandmas are old school and she may feel like you're children are missing out on the excitement of waking up and opening everyone's gifts, and instead saying 'well we have a holiday booked next year' some people don't think that would be very Christmassy for your kids, and you can't impose your idea of a gift on others.

I think this is incredibly sad and
Sounds like you have been swept up in the holiday bliss without considering the magic of the Christmas season and the impact this will have on your children and wider family.
You are taking a special moment away from your child and relatives and it sounds very selfish and grabby to be honest.. the children are making sacrifices for your choices.

This

YABU. You really can't dictate what people give you - gifts are about the giver as well as the recipient.

This.

Very unreasonable. Very spoiled. This is so mad I suspect op is a bot.

You sound like a grinch your stealing Christmas from your kids especially their little not younger adults.
Kids money not yours and your husband to spend especially on the envelopes got their name on it, you should open savings account and put all money they receive on it, that how I do with my kids.
Christmas for kids it all about opening presents and collecting all beautiful memories which will cherish forever.

Seriously @ZebraGiraffe12 this is bizarre behaviour.

You are entitled to make whatever decisions you want about how much you spend on your partner and children at Christmas, or any other time. You are also entitled to decide how much you will spend on extended family members.

However, it’s controlling and rather rude to dictate what other people spend on your family at Christmas.

Tell us, exactly how did this consultation with your one year old pan out?

Is this the holiday you were taking to celebrate the fact that you have a new job bringing in 94k on top of your husband's 48k?

Love to know how the 1 year old and 4 year old verbalised their opinions on this one

Making this request in the first place was tacky in the extreme. I’m amazed your MIL was the only one to push back.

Having said that, if one of my relatives came up with this idea, I’d smile, nod and send them a card and nothing else so I wouldn’t be sure everyone else does agree the way you suggest.

A 1 and 4yo agreed not to have Christmas presents? You’re pulling a leg here.

I think this would be perfectly reasonable if it was the OP and her DH saying they didn't want random gifts. But it's quite hard to blieve that a grandparent buying a small child a Christmas gift is something that wouldn't be appreciated. Certainly it's hard to imagine a small child (with all the type about Christmas) saying they don't want Christmas presents so they can go on a summer holiday. That sounds more like parents putting a view upon them.
Different if it's teens or adult children.

So how is this going to work for your step son? You getting to dictate whether Mils buys him a present or not?

or does he get presents and your kids dont?

I’d be uncomfortable with you expecting your kids to forego presents to help you finance the summer holiday.

Sorry, the kids are obviously enjoying themselves right now and only thinking about having more holidays. When Christmas comes round, they’ll be equally enthusiastic about getting present.

It’s also quite unpleasant for everyone giving you gifts. The whole thing reduced to a BACS payment to pay for your holiday is very transactional and takes away any joy they might have in choosing gifts. Not really in the spirit of Christmas.

Oh my goodness, what an awful idea! I agree with pp. Don't do this.

I'm assuming you'd still be giving gifts to others who give you money? Either way it's grabby to ask for money & takes all the joy out of giving gifts

I wonder how long before OP has to get this batshit thread deleted “for privacy reasons?”