I would swap with her in an instant

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I am a sort of clever woman, financially secure, good at what I do. I have lots of friends and family around me, despite being single.
Today I met a woman through a friend, ten years younger than me. She was upset at losing her job last month, she had tried but made a serious of errors and was eventually sacked.
Even as she cried, she looked beautiful. She told me about her various problems, not being able to pay rent, her debt, her self esteem.
And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty. She was distraught, but even with all that was going on, she was served first and efficiently in the bar. Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.
I have never had that. And so what good is education, my job, my success. Because ultimately she'll end up ok. She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.
Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

Having read your post again. It sounds like you aren’t happy being single and crave that male validation.

If you’re happy with everything else in your life but would like a partner, perhaps make that a priority?

I know it’s easier said than done as I’m also single, but it sounds you need to at least give it a go and kiss a few frogs and maybe even find someone you really like. If nothing else, it might make you happier and more confident in your single status and realise male attention isn’t the be-all, end-all.

I recently went to an event with a work friend. I look in a certain way that generally considered attractive in society. She’s more of a tomboy and comfortable in her skin, in a loving marriage. As the evening progressed, all kinds of not-so-interesting men proceeded to chat me up, try to get my number, mark upon how they were recently divorced etc. On the journey back she asked: ‘Jesus, is it like that everywhere you go? How do you have the patience for this? I would have just told them all to bugger off’

It really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

But she got that job in the first place.

it would be interesting to see who the other candidates were that she beat to land the role.

I work extremely hard at my gig type job. I am more than capable of rising through the ranks and probably understand better than most what is needed to be done beyond what is written down on the paperwork

However at 60+ and definitely not someone with good bone structure I know I am never even going to get a supervisor role because as the people they promote are all good looking and young and judging by what I am asked lack a basic understanding of the role

Management want a certain look rather than the job done to a higher level. Then they get angry because the company is losing money and the reviews are something someone with an iota of understanding of the business could tell them what to change

You're being ridiculous. I was reasonably attractive when I was younger, but by no means model material. I could always find a hottie to date, but I always thought it was because I was pretty smart and good fun, not because I was a cute blond with big tits! Anyway, I'm old and fat and plain now, and my brains and personality took me a lot further than my looks ever did, I am quite sure you are the same. Yes, it would be fun to look like a supermodel for a week or two, but there is a price to be paid for that kind of beauty too, in short, most people lose it. And anyone who is just with you because of your looks, usually isn't worth your time. You should be grateful for what you have, because it sounds pretty good to me.

She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.

Her looks didn't save her from being sacked did they? Her looks are not going to save her from losing her flat if she cannot pay the rent, plus she told you she struggles with her self esteem despite her looks.

Other posters have pointed out the many ways in which being a pretty young woman is not all sunshine and many times it can actually be a curse.

You gave yourself and your sexism away with your very first line, insulting us all even before going on to demonstrate exactly why you do indeed deserve exactly what's coming.

It's just incredible that you could have written this and still think it's women who are shallow. I'd explain why, but what's the point?

Date whomever you like, that's your business. But God save us from "I judged women on looks and grooming habits, it didn't work out, wow aren't women shallow" men who think that will be a revelation to us.

Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

Most women don’t feel that way either.

If this is in any way real, I think you've got some serious self-esteem issues that you need to work on, and you could probably do with a healthy dose of empathy too. Imagine looking at someone weeping over their job loss and feeling envy at how pretty they are.

Of course YABU as you have been told unanimously.

You want random male strangers to beam at you in the street and cross the road to walk closer to you?! Why on earth would you want that? I mean men (and women) hold doors open for anyone but I wouldn't want all the other stuff.
I have two friends who are particularly beautiful and I don't envy their lives at all. They get attention and comments wherever they go. They can be dressed in a hoody and jogging bottoms and be at the supermarket and they still get men hassling them. You seriously think this is a good thing?
And that type of beauty is temporary anyway. Both my friends are approaching 50 now. Still very beautiful in my opinion but men are losing interest. I think my friends are relieved and very much enjoying the invisibility.

Are you sure people were not just crossing the street anyway? I have never seen anyone cross the street to walk near a beautiful woman. I think you may have over egged this in your head.

People always say the grass isn't greener etc. But when I lost weight and looked my best, life WAS better. People were friendlier, chattier, I felt better, healthier, happier and more confident. I would rather be that person again instead of my frumpy mum self 😂. BUT it is what it is and none of that lasts forever.

You’re objectifying her like everybody else does

I've had men cross the street to stare at or walk alongside me or tell me I'm beautiful. I'm definitely not, but it has happened, so I can well believe it happens to women who actually are.

You have proved that you don’t need looks to succeed. You’ve done it on your own.

She may have good looks but they fade and ultimately life is not about pleasing men.
You don’t seriously want to be pretty but skint and jobless so men can open doors for you ?

Read An Inspector Calls, this is exactly what the foolish rich daughter thinks when she gets the pretty poor girl fired -
she’ll be fine because she’s pretty. Spoiler alert, she’s not!

You are not magically ok in life because you’re pretty. Sure, there’s such a thing as pretty privilege but it also means men harass her constantly and many see her as a trophy. It’s normal to want to be prettier, but to want to be a woman who is about to become homeless just because she’s pretty is absurd. If she’s pretty but homeless how exactly do you think that will help her? Because some creep will let her stay at their house instead of on the streets?

This 100 %. I love the invisability of being in my mid 50s. It has so many advantages. However, we feel how we feel,due to our own individual experiences.

My friend's daughter is clever, witty, kind and beautiful. Everything we might like to be

Unfortunately, she gets a lot of hassle from a certain type of men, and hates that

OP its really obvious that this isn't about thinking pretty people have ir easier... Its about you being single, and not wanting to be. You've decided that the reason you are single 'must' be that men don't find you attractive enough so in your head, she'll find it easy to secure the one thing you haven't got.
You're right that yes she'll probably find it easier to secure interest initially.... But relationships founded mostly on a physical attraction dont tend to be the ones that last. There has to be so much more than that and the happiest marriages i know are between people who are just very normal looking.
Please don't assume that if you haven't met the right person yet, that there's something wrong with you, there isn't. I know it's really disheartening having been single for forever and not wanting to be - is there anything different you can do to meet more people? Best way to increase your chances of meeting the right person is to meet more people.

I had that when younger, I was followed onto public transport as well. It's frightening and you can do without any over sexual behaviour towards you when you have a baby/young children.
The thing is that you stop taking people at face value. Because you never know if they are only talking to you because they want gossip to shoot you down with (women) or want to shag you (men). Your intelligence and ability is always questioned or you are treated as if you have none. You never know if your date likes you, or just how you look, then you start to question everything. If pretty privileged now exists then I'm glad for today's women. We were seen as a bit of fluff and TV told everyone that. Lower level sexual assaults aren't fun and no-one cared. Most women in the 70/early80's carried internalised misogyny, so there was no support. A lot of men have the opinion that the wanker on this thread has.

When I've sat on interview panels being pretty or handsome (as I'm female) is the last thing I look for, in fact it doesn't even come into it. I want someone who can do the job, not someone who looks good.

Also when I worked behind the bar (in several pubs) attractiveness didn't come into it either, politeness did, people who waved at me, held their money in their hands, called to me got ignored. If I've served you once and you were rude, I'd take my time the next time. But you do it in turn anyway and believe it or not most bar staff know who's been waiting the longest.

I'm more likely to do something for someone who is polite and friendly regardless of looks.

To be fair to you, I have often thought this.
I went to a birthday party with my son once and it was at the most beautiful house right on the beach front, easily in the millions.

The birthday girl's mum was beautiful, slim and perfect.
She didn't work, the dad had a very high paying job though.
I remember being sat there thinking "Wow, being attractive really can give you a whole different life, can't it? Definitely makes it easier to pull the rich bloke with the big house".

So yes, I do think very beautiful people just don't realise how many advantages they have, and I totally understand why you feel you would want to be in their shoes.

Well done for becoming your best self.
The reason people responded differently to you was because, 'you' are happier with yourself, and sending happy vibes.
You can do that at any weight by the way.
As many of you will know, people who you gravitate towards, despite their ordinary looks.

Surely you have? Men run after women in the street all the time, and try to speak to them. At least when I was younger (80s and 90s) they did. I didn't see it as a positive thing though.

People are allowed have private thoughts and there is nothing wrong with that. The op has not stated that she told this woman she envied her or that she didn’t offer her any comfort ? I’m not suggesting the OP should envy this woman though, I agree that is bonkers .

Agree I’ve never seen men cross the street to be near a woman. I’ve seen men stare at women from across a street but that is about as far as it goes. Thankfully.