I would swap with her in an instant

[Cookiecrumblane]

I am a sort of clever woman, financially secure, good at what I do. I have lots of friends and family around me, despite being single.
Today I met a woman through a friend, ten years younger than me. She was upset at losing her job last month, she had tried but made a serious of errors and was eventually sacked.
Even as she cried, she looked beautiful. She told me about her various problems, not being able to pay rent, her debt, her self esteem.
And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty. She was distraught, but even with all that was going on, she was served first and efficiently in the bar. Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.
I have never had that. And so what good is education, my job, my success. Because ultimately she'll end up ok. She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.
Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

Or maybe she has more going for her than her looks? Maybe she’s interesting, compassionate, funny? You sound so incredibly judgemental, about your sister, your niece, the radiologist.

It’s really unpleasant to read.

This is disturbing.

Also I used to work with someone who was stunningly beautiful and I admit I used to be a bit envious. Then cracks started to show. It turned out the boyfriend she talked about was actually abusive, had hit her and then left her but she pretended they were still together for a good few months. She then moved to her own flat and started having serious money issues and was evicted. She found it easy to attract boyfriends but very hard to keep them as her behaviour was quite erratic. People often overlooked it because she was pretty and it was written off as just being “crazy” but it became increasingly obvious. She was eventually diagnosed with a serious mental health disorder that required hospitalisation. She now lives with her parents at age 40. Occasionally she will get a boyfriend and gush on social media but it will never last due to her condition because it’s so incompatible with being in a relationship with someone. I wouldn’t swap with her for the world. And she really is gorgeous.

I wouldn’t want men crossing roads to walk closer to me. That sounds fucking terrifying.

I would suggest some new clothes and maybe a spa day.

I get what you mean and those who don’t I don’t think have experienced what you mean about having the invisibility that not having the features that makes us look attractive brings

Or the fact that attractive people have in the literal and figurative sense have doors
opened for them.

You can love yourself all that you can. You can be proud of your achievements and working hard to achieve those things but once you see someone who without putting any effort in getting the same or better jobs and experiences and being put ahead just because they are beautiful you then you can’t unsee it.

Its a case of, if 2 candidates for a job were equal on all their qualifications, experience and scored equal marks in their interview, Do you honestly think who gets chosen, how attractive the candidate is will not be a factor.

She might keep getting hired because of her looks but might not be successful if she’s lacking competence. Maybe she’s used to relying on her looks but that won’t take her all the way

Sounds like the 'plot' of a really terrible book. Why would you want the life of someone who is going through a truly terrible time?

Yep, if you want to swap with someone out of envy you dont get to cherry pick the parts of their life you'd swap, you have to take the entire life and thats where you're engaging in wrong thinking.

If she's really so beautiful and amazing then she wouldnt be losing her flat or her job would she?- her stunning beauty would mean she'd be the boss or at least the manager right now and her landlord would let her stay there for free due to her incredible beauty. Can you see how you have completely contradicted yourself here?- her beauty clearly hasn't given her free ride because if it did she wouldnt be crying about these things now.

You need to stop with this ridiculous and false assumption in your mind because it will only bring you further misery.

Looks don't last.

Beauty didn’t stop her being sacked.

Great advice to the OP.
Intelligence does indeed last a lifetime and all that goes with it too.
The art of conversation, interest in current affairs, being empathetic, being interested in the person you're talking to. I'd say I'm fairly attractive, but I'd much rather say I'm a person who loves interacting with others in the art of conversation & my looks are just incidental to my day to day life.

Yes, there is that.

Yes, that is mad and sad. And quite self absorbed actually.

As someone of a certain age I can tell you that those of my peers who are my age and were very good looking are still good looking years later
.

Those of us who weren’t, the youth we had which made us look ok when we looked in the mirror is long distant memory

Not sure men or women would want to swap a good life for being jobless etc. think more of yourself.

Maybe she got the job based on her looks and not her ability

Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?

Bonkers. Plus the visibility stops abruptly anyway, at a certain point.

That poor woman, in her darkest hour she turned to you for comfort and you sat there envying her.

You can be proud of your achievements and working hard to achieve those things but once you see someone who without putting any effort in getting the same or better jobs and experiences and being put ahead just because they are beautiful you then you can’t unsee it.

But the girl the OP is speaking about lost her job despite being beautiful. Nobody "put her ahead", they sacked her a month ago, and she hasn't been given an amazing new job - she is crying because she is worried about everything. Men are paying attention to her and opening doors for her but she still needs a job.

By all means, being beautiful must make life easier, but it isn't the solution to all problems, and I think it is bizarre to envy someone who is having real struggles.

Ew who wants men crossing the road to be closer to them? Creeps.

There's one small flaw in your plan though isnt there- her looks haven't stopped her losing her job or her flat so how do you square that as it doesnt fit your theory?

Or, are you suggesting that being served first in a bar is the pinnacle of life's success? 🙄

It's not about looks. I'm fat and nearly 60 and people do all those things for me - because I'm friendly and am always being complimented on my smile (cos my looks are nothing to write home about any more).

I mean, men don't cross the road to be near me, but I have more male attention now than I did when I was thin and younger.

If it makes you feel any better, she'd probably swap places with you in a heartbeat, as she has no idea what weird contradictory machinations are going on in your head. Anyone who would swap their flat for looks (that have patently not done anything to help the poor lassie) has strange priorities.

I think you might have jumped the shark with 'men cross the road to walk near to her.'

I agree. It’s usually good bone structure.
The best buildings have the right foundations and it’s the same with looks.

You are being ridiculous, you've just seen evidence of how superficial her 'advantages' are. She still got sacked.