I would swap with her in an instant

[Cookiecrumblane]

I am a sort of clever woman, financially secure, good at what I do. I have lots of friends and family around me, despite being single.
Today I met a woman through a friend, ten years younger than me. She was upset at losing her job last month, she had tried but made a serious of errors and was eventually sacked.
Even as she cried, she looked beautiful. She told me about her various problems, not being able to pay rent, her debt, her self esteem.
And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty. She was distraught, but even with all that was going on, she was served first and efficiently in the bar. Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.
I have never had that. And so what good is education, my job, my success. Because ultimately she'll end up ok. She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.
Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

Such an odd OP isn’t it?
I also think OP is a man.

I’m going to come at this from a different angle OP and will no doubt be flamed but I really don’t care.
As far as I’m concerned we only live once and it’s easier to change what you look like than how society treats women. If you’re intelligent and successful why not change what really upsets you about your appearance? Go on the slimming injections, buy the great boobs and get that new nose! You’ll still be intelligent and employable but with more confidence in what you look like. You may well find that good looks aren’t the be all and end all but what the hell- life’s an adventure and a rollercoaster ride!

I totally agree... I get treated with a lot more respect now I am older. I am also more able to deal with it.
I do understand the envy from OP, but the grass isn't always greener...
She probably feels the same about you and everything you have achieved.

This thread, and I mean what the OP has posted, is literally unbelievable.

I have never seen a man cross the road just to be near a woman. I think you're imagining it. I've had many gorgeous friends and that has never happened

Those men served you

If they then asked a customer out I think management might frown on that interaction

Unless the turn down was done in an extremely rude way I can’t see why a 30 second interaction would result in the type of response you are describing

Why would you feel the need for a people pleasing dance. Be polite but have boundaries

I think what you are missing is that those of us who are not blessed with good looks have a hard time trying to find someone to serve us in the first place and get the anger without any of the pleasantries.

My shopping experience ranges from not being served at all to being treated like a criminal and followed closely around the store until I find it uncomfortable and have to leave

So you getting served because you are deemed pretty just proves the point

It’s quite dated now but Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth is well worth a read @Cookiecrumblane I read it in my late teens so it was one of my formative texts. I highly recommend it because it unpacks so much of what you’ve expressed. I think you’d get a lot from it.

I do believe there is pretty privilege, but the "walking across the street to be closer to her" is where the creative writing went a little too far here I think.

Jesus get a grip woman!

That isn't the life everyone wants though. I can't bear the idea of having nothing to do. I'd work anyway, because I like the independence of earning for myself.

If I were that woman, I'd be bored out of my mind staying home all day. And my brain is dangerous (to me) if I'm bored. I'd find myself wondering whether I was enough for myself, my husband, my kids. Whether I was setting the right example. Whether, if he left me, I'd be able to cope having been out of the workforce for so long. What might happen if my looks faded.

Work on yourself and find out why you need to be validated by men.

What part?

The ethos that being pretty/beautiful/attractive earns you more money, gets you better jobs and makes life a whole lot easier

Whilst this woman has a struggle at the moment. It won’t last

thank you for that, and well done x

In some industries it’s not quite like that though. I spent my early career in entertainment and advertising (think tv, film, celebrities, marketing) and the amount of comments around ‘oh they just look the part don’t they’ or people openly commenting on what kind of phone/ bag someone had post-interview or generally how they sounded/ presented themselves visually.

I purposefully hired the normal-looking/geeky writers/ producers etc who really stood out in the office but brought actual substance.

At times I certainly felt like I was surrounded by beautiful but quite dumb/ superficial people. My boss (female) once advised me to get my hair and nails done in a particular way! And there was a calorie consumption league table on the wall! Many more examples. Many people were hard-working but looks-based hiring was rife. I’m still in touch with some people now and the way they talk about people implies that the culture hasn’t changed that much.

I work in more ‘boring’ industries now where it’s the skills that matter and I’m so much happier.

I’m sorry but you are wrong. Everything you see as important is shallow and vacuous. So what if a man has opened the door for her or crossed the street to be ‘closer’ to her (creepy!). She’s not going to be okay just because she’s pretty if she can’t pay her rent or bills. Is there a special queue at the supermarket for the pretty ones where they get discounted food?

If you think getting compliments and smiles from strangers makes up for the stress and worries of real life then you need to give yourself a shake.

Who is to say she isn’t leading a fantastic fulfilling life without the need to be tied down to a job.

What a lot of rubbish! And I see the OP hasn't been back to answer any of the more-than-125 replies, which says it all.

Claims they only met this woman yesterday and she was mostly in floods of tears, spilling her guts, yet men were suddenly crossing the road to walk near her astounding beauty?! I mean it's just - -?!

Oh and for what it's worth, I'm a man and my life has been more than tainted with 'compare and despair' in relation to more attractive men (and certain other qualities like upbringing and ability), so there goes your theory OP 🤷‍♂️

When I was young, people were always telling me how pretty I was.It never did me much good, I attracted 2 very awful men , one I think maybe because other people thought I was pretty.
Men always speaking to my boobs, I used to hide them as much as possible.
Have a good man now, but am middle aged podge now.

I thought the opposite of you, I would have killed to have academic prowess, I was not silly but lacked confidence.
I am much happier now nobody looks at me.
I am a real person, this is obviously only as I see it, if there is more than one life pleade make me ordinary and very clever.(What is ordinary anyway?)
Just be happy with yourself.

This obsession with wanting men to notice you (they notice you because they want to fuck you; you are an object and nothing more to them) is gross. The sooner you realise that the better.

It’s very sad you feel like this @Cookiecrumblane . Your intelligence and achievements say much about you. You should be very proud of what you’ve achieved. Your friend might be pretty now but it doesn’t last, it doesn’t pay the bills and honestly beauty is only skin deep. The person underneath is what’s really important.

Transwoman, I thought

Good lord!!!!! Absolutely unbelievable........... There are just no words for this sense of entitlement!

OP - you can't change the way you look (without resorting to plastic surgery. Go down that route if you must).

You CAN, however, change your attractiveness. Smiling, KIND, confident, happy people will always attract 'the right sort' of friends, and the right sort of partners! Work on your own happiness level and on being a nice person. I have several friends who are objectively some of the least physically attractive, but have a great love life and social circle simply because of who they are. Be that person!

She might be. I'm just saying it's not the life for everyone

I actually don't think dating is easier for beautiful women. Yes men do approach them randomly in bars etc, but you have to think about what kind of men those are. Usually it's the over-confident ones with a rather 'generous' opinion of their own attributes. They often don't make for very good boyfriends.
Accepting my not-very-attractive face early on in life was extremely liberating. I am never worried about losing my looks (I never had any) and have always been free to talk and joke with men and just be myself without worrying if they find me "pretty" (they almost certainly don't), Despite this, I have had boyfrIends and am now married to a lovely man. There are lots of qualities that can be perceived as attractive, even sexy, which have nothing to do with looks.