I would swap with her in an instant

[Cookiecrumblane]

I am a sort of clever woman, financially secure, good at what I do. I have lots of friends and family around me, despite being single.
Today I met a woman through a friend, ten years younger than me. She was upset at losing her job last month, she had tried but made a serious of errors and was eventually sacked.
Even as she cried, she looked beautiful. She told me about her various problems, not being able to pay rent, her debt, her self esteem.
And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty. She was distraught, but even with all that was going on, she was served first and efficiently in the bar. Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.
I have never had that. And so what good is education, my job, my success. Because ultimately she'll end up ok. She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.
Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

Good grief. What a sad state of affairs.

How reductive and dismissive, I wouldn't want to swap with her if this is how other woman would feel about me. You sound very bitter and like you don't like other woman. Internalised misogyny.

Why do you feel the need to be validated by men? You are killing it at life. You're a winner. This girl is, by her own admission, a fuck up. She will probably be given lots of chances at jobs because of her looks, but it sounds like she will fail at them.
As for attention from men, fuck a bunch of that. You do know that's not always positive, right? Guaranteed she also gets a lot of attention from creepy perverts.

She’s crying about losing her job and instead of feeling empathy you are telling yourself that your life is harder?

Ultimately she'll lose her looks. The sort of men who appreciate women only for their looks think 40 plus women are pretty much invisible, so even if she stays in good shape she won't maintain that privilege.

If she's a bit thick, or even too compassionate and giving, she will end up with nothing. The sort of men who would give her privilege for being pretty are only interested in helping her for as long as they want to fuck her.

If all she has is her looks (and I am not saying this is the case just IF) she'll be absolutely crushed when she gets older and ages out of pretty privilege.

I would want to myself aged 25 again, just as I was, with all my current memories intact. I wasn't gorgeous, but pretty and healthy and full of energy - and I went through phases where I was bullied, assaulted, plain and experienced depression and quite a bit of trauma before I got there.

Yet I have never, ever wanted to be someone else, just the best version of myself.

To each their own I suppose.

If this is genuine you need serious help, no I would not be so ridiculous

And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty.

OP, as I’m sure you know, comparison is the thief of joy. Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own. We are all unique. Love yourself for you. There is no one else like you.

Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?

Yes, it’s mad. Complete crazy actually! As you said at the beginning, you have so much to love and be thankful for. Your family, your friends, your home, your job. Some people will look at you and would swap with you in an instant.

Being “seen” by men, having doors opened for us, being served first in a bar - has absolutely no comparison to life’s real joys. True friendship. The unconditional love from family. Music. Artwork. Nature.

Enjoy your life, OP. It’s short. Too short to wish we looked different when there is so much magic out there.

If this is real then honestly OP you need to get therapy to help you deal with your issues.

But looks fade…. She’s pouring her heart out to you and you’re thinking “oooh pretty”. Poor sod. As for men crossing the road to be near her, do you not think that’s a bit scary.

Her life sounds a right old mess, she very likely will be ok, get another job etc (she would if she wasn’t so blessed in the looks department).

You sound like you have a lot to be envious of too. Make the most of what you’ve got.

Ridiculous. Imagine saying you'd be OK with being homeless and jobless because 'at least you'd be pretty'. Only someone who doesn't have to actually consider that reality would say that. Time to get a grip.

Pretty women do not always get happy endings. It's ridiculous to assume they do.

That much (any?) objectifying make attention is a PITA. You think you'd like it. You wouldn't.

Your thinking is really very skewed. Alarmingly so. I think you probably need some help. Are you being treated for depression?

You don't sound much better than OP TBH.

That women is "a fuck up" because she's lost her job and can't pay her rent? Delightful take.

Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.

Sounds like a bot

I have a beautiful friend (former model, looked like the blonde one from ABBA) and she had an awful time with men. Yes, they all wanted her - she’d get served first in bars and men would hold doors open for her, but she got hideous backlash from them when she turned them down and some women were incredibly jealous and bitchy towards her. It was somehow acceptable to treat her badly because she was beautiful. She married a scruffy academic and now lives happily in the countryside with her chickens and dogs, and I think she is very glad that she’s no longer subject to such blatant and public scrutiny.

Is this some fishing post from a journalist or just a work of a psychopaths.
Because it reads: "Today I met a woman whose life is falling apart and she is shattered. And all I could think was, rubbish babe, you're pretty, you'll get over it."

This is sad reading.

So good looks is much more enviable than financial competence.

Would you really swap? And by swapping it means taking on EVERY aspect of her life - not just the looks but everything….even the bits you don’t know?

“She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.”

Obviously not since you are set in a career and she was sacked for capability.

Cop on, OP.

Oh we all struck by the green eyed monster sometimes. I’d have loved to be pretty but if someone who is very pretty was sitting in front of me telling me how shit everything was for them I would firstly feel horrible for them and secondly reflect on how bloody lucky I am.

Men often judge women on attractiveness and think thats all that matters, it would be a shame of women did it too to other women.

No, it is not mad. I understand how you feel. We had a girl at school like that. She did not even bother to dress properly, use make up. All the boys were in thrall to her, all of them. It was useless even to try to get the attention of a boy you fancied. I see it happen all the time, even in a very professional environment - partners and senior partners notice stunning-looking associates and plain ones get overlooked. I never thought it could happen in legal environment, but it does. Actually, 2 or so years ago they published research, proving that even teachers in primary schools spend more time on good-looking pupils. Worse than that, same in medical profession, they pay more attention to the complaints of a good-looking person. My sister is plain, short and chubby, round-faced, her husband has a gaunt look of a consumptive patient of the XIX century or a neighbourhood underfed ned - and their daughter turned out a copy of Grace Kelly - I looked after her when she was 15, on presentation to a children's hospital the radiologist kept saying 'you were a patient here, I remember your face from before' seriously, he was genuinely trying to remember (she had never been). I did not say 'you saw her in old films'. There is nothing one can do about it, apart from accepting it. I do.

That proves the point - she married a scruffy academic. I can just imagine a host of PhD female students, 10 times clever than her, asking 'why not me?' Even 'scruffy' academics are attracted to beauty, not brains, sadly. On a separate note, I never thought the blond one from ABBA looked remotely pretty, never mind beautiful. She looked like a Hals milkmaid to me, but I am the wrong sex to judge.

You have issues. You’d rather lose your job, home and credit rating to be “pretty”? No, you wouldn’t, that stuff is shit. And clearly she’s not okay at all and she’s upset about it as anyone would be.

I don’t want to sound like a twat but I have always got lots of male attention. I worked as a model in my teens and 20s and I often get told I look younger than I am (mid 40s now). I have and still am experiencing everything that your friend is and it’s not all that nice. I was married for 20 years but since we divorced a couple of years ago and I started dating again I have completely gone off men. All they see is my looks, I’m a status symbol and all that matters to them is what me being with them makes them look. None of them were interested in me as a person.

i’m lucky that I have a job and a home but if I didn’t I wouldn’t want to put my faith into the hands of these sleazy men who just view me the same way the view an expensive car. My self worth is definitely not linked to how I look, I am much more proud of be able to stand on my own two feet after a long and abusive marriage.

This is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read on here.