Violated by MIL

[Workaholic99]

My MIL kissed the back of my neck.

Today i was hosting a birthday party for DD2 and had invited MIL because it's the right thing to do (not because I wanted her there).

When MIL arrived she completely ignored me - for the whole party barely more the 5 words were exchanged between us! (great, no complaints from me) however, as she was leaving I had my DD on my lap and so couldn't easily get up to say good bye, so she comes from my behind and plants a slobbery kiss on the back of my neck. There was nothing to stop her coming around to my front to say bye.

I was never felt more cringed or violated in my life. It doesn't help that I really detest the woman. My DH said he saw the whole exchange and thought it was very weird.

How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again

You must feel so proud knowing me inside out and better than I know myself 👏

Gross and weird

She sounds unhinged!

Why didn’t DH say something to her?

My DH will willingly cut his family off to protect me and our DD but confront his mother face to face... he doesn't have that confidence to take her on.

I am just as entitled to my opinion as you are. I would say the same to my own daughters too. I would have felt repulsed/disgusted/sick if my MIL had ever done that but violated is too strong a word for what happened. I don't care what you say. And I never told her to "pipe down". That's a figment of your own imagination. She absolutely should speak up and tell her MIL in no uncertain terms how gross she felt it to be, but please do not minimise violation!!

Literally nobody said "poor MIL". Stop projecting!

That’s a problem. He doesn’t necessarily have to cut her off but he should be saying something or backing you when you speak up. What is he saying about it to you privately?

You what...? You are using the word "violated" and it doesn't mean what you think not means.

Which is kind of offensive to those of us who have actually been violated.

Please do grow the hell up.

Other than the initial incident where he said it was weird, I haven't raised with him as I don't want it to look like I'm always complaining about his mother.

He did say later today though that he needs to travel home back to visit his ill grandfather and as its the same town as his mother lives in he said I and DD should stay home.

You say I don't know what Violated means. I do and there is more than one definition. Please don't diminish my experiences when you don't know me. You only know what I've chosen to say.

That's utter rubbish. It was the hyperbole in the OP that attracted the responses it got. I think we can all agree that the MIL's action was repulsive, gross, unacceptable, unnerving, whatever, and the post would have garnered a very different response had it been couched differently.

Literally no-one is trying to silence her and the majority of posters are sympathetic to her discomfiture, but let's call a spade a spade!

That's an overreaction. The OP was perfectly entitled to feel grossed out and repulsed!

I don't think the OP is "whinging" actually! Would you accept this from your MIL?!

How rude. I would feel violated if someone I didn’t even like came up behind me and kissed me on the neck too!

Then you and DD shouldn’t see MIL until your DH is able to confront her. I don’t mean only about this. He needs to be able to protect you both in the moment. The future relationship is on him. He can read books, listen to podcasts, get therapy, etc… to learn how to stand up for you to MIL if he wants you and any children to have a relationship with her. If he chooses not to do that, he visits alone. If the situation arises again that you are in MIL’s company, he needs to accept that you will stand up for yourself and you won’t try to preserve the relationship while doing it.

OP never said she felt sexually violated. She said she felt violated.

Language matters. Stop gatekeeping.

@Workaholic99 I think your DH has to confront his mother and ask her what she was playing at. She needs to understand that her relationship with all of you and especially her granddaughter is at stake. There's no question it was a bizarre thing to do, especially as you don't have a good relationship.

If she persistently crosses boundaries, then there is no way to deal with it other than go LC. It sounds as if you would prefer that anyway, and that is fine.

Lol. Yes they did. Try reading the thread again before you quote me.

“combinationpadlock · Yesterday 22:37
O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.”

I didn’t say anyone was trying to silence the OP.

I was responding to a comment who was saying I was trying to silence another poster - by telling them they shouldn’t minimise the OP’s experience by calling her OTT. If she felt violated by her MIL she has every right to say she felt that way. Her feelings are 100% valid.

A lot of posters on here are not sympathetic or helpful. At all. You only need to read the first couple of replies.

You did.

Please directly quote the post where I said that.

@HolyPeaches I appreciate your support - I never meant to create such a hostile page, when I originally posted I was still feeling quite repulsed. Thank you for defending me x

@Workaholic99 You’re welcome😊& I hope
you’re okay. A lot of threads on AIBU turn hostile sadly, I think a lot of users just enjoy telling any thread starter that they’re OTT, dramatic, hormonal, etc etc. They get a kick out of being deliberately unhelpful and unkind to people who just want advice.

If you aren’t friendly enough to approach someone from the front, you certainly don’t kiss them from behind.

Look it up for yourself.