Violated by MIL

[Workaholic99]

My MIL kissed the back of my neck.

Today i was hosting a birthday party for DD2 and had invited MIL because it's the right thing to do (not because I wanted her there).

When MIL arrived she completely ignored me - for the whole party barely more the 5 words were exchanged between us! (great, no complaints from me) however, as she was leaving I had my DD on my lap and so couldn't easily get up to say good bye, so she comes from my behind and plants a slobbery kiss on the back of my neck. There was nothing to stop her coming around to my front to say bye.

I was never felt more cringed or violated in my life. It doesn't help that I really detest the woman. My DH said he saw the whole exchange and thought it was very weird.

How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again

If my MIL kissed me on the neck I'd think it was sweet. Am I weird?

Well you don’t sound very delightful yourself the way you talk about her so if it was a power play then who knows if it was deserved

Oh give over. How many women have you kissed on the back of the neck as a way of saying goodbye? My number is zero and I bet yours is too.

Yes, yea you are 😂

Depends on the situation if my mil couldn’t get past and did this it wouldn’t bother me but then I hug and cheek kiss my MIL.

I'd hate anyone kissing me on the neck other than my partner.

For your MIL to do this after the two of you had hardly spoken and obviously don't have a good relationship, it's even more weird. 🤮

Tell her never to do it again.

Yes Weird Don't slime on me again!
Disrespectful and unwanted to make you feel horrid

I don't think violated is too strong a word at all. I am a survivor of serious sexual assault (as are a depressingly large percentage of women) and I would definitely feel violated to have an act as intimate as this imposed on me by someone I didn't have that sort of relationship with. I'm imagining my MIL doing it (she'd rather eat her own feet than touch me, thankfully) and it would really upset me.

as you dislike her then wherever she’d done it; cheek; top of the head; hand; would have been wrong. Make it clear to her that you don’t want that kind of physical contact from her.

That’s really disgusting and bizarre. It’s completely reasonable to be revolted by it and not want to be near her. I sure as hell would feel the same.

I would refuse to be around her without your husband around and would make sure she couldn’t easily invade my personal space again. I’d also just back way off from seeing her though.

I once kissed my plumber as I was seeing him out after he'd been working at my home for the day - and he was due to come back the following day too.
To this day, I have no idea why I did it.
I can only assume I was elsewhere in my head.

Could this have been similar to your MIL?

Women don't kiss each other on the back of the neck. It's an intimate place to kiss someone.

I think this is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet!

Pass the popcorn!

Fuck. I cannot BELIEVE some of the comments here. Sprigatito thank you for your post. I hope that some of the absolute arseholes on this thread, tripping over themselves to tell the OP that she shouldn't feel how she feels read it and learn something.

Jesus.

While it may have been repulsive and unwelcome, I think "violated" is way OTT!

The neck is a fucking weird place to kiss someone you're not shagging.

Simply this, surely?

I think I would violated if my MIL or anyone other than my husband kissed me on the back of my neck. It's intimate. Frankly it's gross. What is wrong with her?

I’d be completely grossed out by this and I think it’s bloody weird of your MIL.

Have you ever known anyone who has been violated??

It is weird op. Ask MIL why she did that and you would want her not to do that again.

But I am more interested to know the details when a poster kissed a plumber good bye 😅 @Wingedharpytell us more

Yes I think it must have been something like this. She meant to kiss the baby, who op was holding, and just absent mindedly got the wrong neck. Surely?

Yanbu for being utterly grossed out, op

Is there a particular reason you feel in a better position than the OP to decide how they should have felt in that situation? What the fuck do you know about the OP, other than what is written here?

Violating someone is about trangressing their boundaries and issues of consent. It includes unwanted touching, kissing, etc.

Women telling other women to pipe down when they feel vulnerable, violated or whatever is just awful, notably the first several posters on this thread, all trying to minimise the OP's experience. Imagine saying those thing to your own daughter.

Ugh.