Violated by MIL

[Workaholic99]

My MIL kissed the back of my neck.

Today i was hosting a birthday party for DD2 and had invited MIL because it's the right thing to do (not because I wanted her there).

When MIL arrived she completely ignored me - for the whole party barely more the 5 words were exchanged between us! (great, no complaints from me) however, as she was leaving I had my DD on my lap and so couldn't easily get up to say good bye, so she comes from my behind and plants a slobbery kiss on the back of my neck. There was nothing to stop her coming around to my front to say bye.

I was never felt more cringed or violated in my life. It doesn't help that I really detest the woman. My DH said he saw the whole exchange and thought it was very weird.

How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again

Power play? Yuck, that makes her sound like a rapist.

OP, it is gross.

To do that to somebody you are not on good terms with is

I'm guessing it was a spur of the moment thing and she totally regrets it as well.

I can't imagine she would do it it again.

If she does, you will definitely have to tell her not to.

Fuck me, your comment is one of the nastiest I've read in a while.

It's blindingly obvious that's not what that poster is doing. They are defending the OP's right to use the language she wants to describe her own experience.

It's like a fucking Trump convention on this thread.

As stated, the OP was OTT. Most agree. She will continue to be told that by me.

I hope by continuing to belittle and undermine someone with unhelpful comments, makes you feel just that tiny bit more better about yourself. I really do.

End 🙏🏼 ❤

Yes, your comment is indeed one of the nastiest I've read in a while.

So, as stated the OP is OTT and she will continue to be told that by me.

Post on an opinion site, you get opinions. End.

that is so weird. Just wildly inappropriate and unsettling. I would feel a bit violated too by that, especially if she's problematic.

You sound fairly dense and incapable of intelligent debate.

No friend of women, either.

Sadly, the flying monkey harridans from hell appear to have landed.

On any mumsnet post, no matter the conversation, and regardless of how they actually feel about anything, the harridans from hell Mumsnet Monkeys may land, screeching.

These are the sort of women who would have been comfortable as a bully second class in school. They see the head bully being undermined and they fly around to screech their approval.

They do not care, at all, about the subject matter, but they feel a desperate need to win.

They are incredibly tedious and will deflect, derail and jab from different angles in an attempt to wound and win the argument.

You cannot debate a flying monkey as they are making it up as they go.

Projection too is the name of the game as they ascribe the sort of vile feelings they themselves are capable of to anybody who disagrees with them.

So I will have to bow out now because it's boring and pointless to stay around as a target for Flying Monkeys.

So, just once more OP. Sorry this happened, it was a bit ick and gross. If she tries it again speak up clearly and confidently.

And stop saying violated as it's OTT and hyperbolic and you won't win anybody to your cause by doing that.

Ciao xox

ODFOD.

It’s a massive violation of personal space. Fucking gross.

I’d be keeping my eyes on her from now on.

Thought you might. Don't let the door etc.

OP, I would demand my DH address this and make sure it doesn’t happen again. He needs to call his mom, tell her he saw it and thinks it’s out of line and to not do it again. Because it does sound like a weird power play, your DH doesn’t need to tell her you were disturbed by it. He needs to stress that he finds it disturbing that he won’t tolerate it.

My MIL tries to use forced affection as a power play. She has a history of either ignoring me or making underhanded statements to/about me during visits, then hanging all over me when it’s time for us to leave. My DH is quick to intercept her because he knows I don’t like it. Thankfully, she hasn’t tried to kiss on me.

Sorry @honestyISkind, I have to agree with @Tartanic that you're not coming across well here.

Particularly parroting back that "yes your post is one of the nastiest I've seen...." when it really wasn't.

I think you lost any ground you had when you took that route in the argument.

I don't think there's really any need to equate the OP's situation to rape or domestic violence / abuse.

She is in a situation with an individual who she does not get on with. Spent an afternoon in her company and they barely spoke. This individual then did something very strange, inappropriate and sexual when the OP wasn't in a position to stop her.

As I said in a previous post, I would hope it was just a clumsy way of saying goodbye, a spur of the moment thing that the MIL instantly regretted. But it doesn't change that the OP felt very uncomfortable. I would too.

The fact that OP says it's the most violated she's ever felt in her life doesn't really mean she should count herself grateful she's never been raped, does it?

The dynamics and position of power that MIL may have, or tries to have, cannot be overlooked. If this was done by a MIL she was on good terms with, or a friend, I doubt the OP would be feeling like this.

You think it’s totally acceptable for people to undermine the OP and call her OTT. That her own feelings and experiences are invalid?

Yes.

Everyone should be able to be told they are wrong

@Workaholic99 That would give me the boak and yeah, I'd still be able to feel where she'd kissed me hours later. Horrible.

As for the fucking competition over who qualifies as violated and who doesn't - fuck right off.

You all know damn well if this had been the FIL, BIL, any bloke, up to and including the OP's DH if the attention was unwanted, the term 'violated' would not be being debated here.

Tbh you sound as bad as each other

Gross…. I can only imagine myself in that situation and I would have frozen to the spot and then been unable to shower off the revulsion.

I am the same but that doesn’t mean your DIL won’t take a dislike to you, for whatever reason. I don’t think these MIL who are hated here are all people who don’t maintain boundaries etc. It doesn’t take much for some women to take a dislike

So apparently OP, you’re only allowed to feel violated when everyone agrees. It seems like you can’t have your own feelings and opinions.

To violate means to break a rule or formal agreement.

In this case, the accepted rule in social events is that you don't slobber kiss other people's necks without consent, especially if you're otherwise not that friendly with them.

So actually the use of this word is correct.

I get that it's an emotive word and is often understood as meaning sexual violation but in this case it's both accurate and valid.

Sorry to spoil the weird pleasure some people get from pouncing on the OP for hours.... maybe go get some fresh air?

As a person who experienced SA as a child, your use of violated is rather extreme imho.

OP, I’m sorry so many people have tried to make you out as being OTT. You are perfectly entitled to feel the way you do and use the language you see fit to describe it. People may not agree but who cares? This happened to you not to them so they can’t begin to understand how this made you feel. If this had happened to me with my MIL I would feel the same way as I dislike mine intensely. She has crossed a boundary with you. I don’t agree this is just a DH problem. Yes, he can stand up for you on your behalf but she needs to hear from you how this made you feel and why it was wrong. So do it together as a united front.

Your lack of insight in to your own behaviour is telling. Sharing your opinion once is grand. But to then state you will continually do that with the OP, sounds a lot like the bullying behaviour you so clearly detest from some of us.

Ah, i see. You don't want to justify your overly dramatic use of a word, as pointed out by many PPs, you just want people to agree with you.
Ok.

More fake stories for views. Sad really

This, ffs!

I would find this absolutely repellent and I cannot believe people are minimising it!

Being kissed unexpectedly on the back of the neck:
By husband, best friend - fine
By someone else you have a positive or neutral relationship with - a bit weird
By someone you have a negative relationship with - actively aggressive

Her being your MIL has nothing to do with it.

I would have a short sharp word next time you see her. "Please don't ever do that again" you should do it.