I love my children but I hate weekends with them

[boatonapond]

They are so so dull.

I just don’t know what to do with them at weekends and they stretch on. I feel like we should be enjoying time as a family. But it feels as if we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

They are 3 and a half and just turned 1.

I have a 6 and 3 year old and feel the same but when they were 1 and 3 (and it was the tail end of COVID) I felt very differently. With respect, all your plans for this weekend add up money wise. If you can spend every morning or afternoon at a nice farm park the time whizzes by but an afternoon at home can really drag.

This thread comes round every few months and it's the very notion that inspired all the MN puddlesuit jokes in lockdown - the idea that all you need to entertain a toddler is a puddlesuit. Someone once put timings next to a suggested schedule which was brilliant and showed all these wonderful ideas would actually fill 2 hours not 24 hours with a 1 year old. Baking or painting are not hour long activities at that age.

I’m not sure really @Dancingmonkeyfeet . It isn’t like me. But I have been feeling a bit of dread about the weekend in general. Probably because there’s just not as much we can do as during the week and because it’s two days together - I work three days a week but Monday, Wednesday and Friday so it breaks the time up.

Dont worry. You are having the repetitive days.bwent through the same thing and the only thing I can say is that you don't have to embrace what they want to do all the time. Obviously I don't know everything about your life. But when money is tight for me because kids activities are highly expensive I would take them to different parks, and make the journey part the exciting thing for me pointing out things to myself and looking around. At the park it was then their time for fun. Shops were a no no because it would end up with me bored looking for something to buy. At the age your kids are they just want to repeat the same things constantly because it gave them fun last time. They .have more patience than I. There were. Few great milestones which I look back at. The first time not having the buggy with me was one of the best, the first time I didn't have to worry about the kids needing the toilet every 30 minutes (kids were all girls so it was always the problem of having to take the girls into male toilets, because I couldn't leave 1 girl outside by herself and I couldn't go into the women's toilet. Luckily a couple of times women with their own kids would pee share with me so I'd take their boys in and she'd take the girls. Thank you to any mum who does that as constantly thinking that others thinking I was a pedophile isn't nice. The girls would make new friends and we'd meet up with them occasionally. It gets better as they get older until they hit 14, at which point you sit there alone wondering what there'll you should do, cos tiktok has taken over their lives. Embrace the parts you love, try to think of things like going to the park. But at that age there is a lot of killing time. Also I did find barbie dvds soul destroying after seeing them daily. I slowly got hold of old copies of programs from when I was growing up like bagpuss, rentaghost etc... and at the appropriate ages I'd but them on and we could start to enjoy them together.

Oh I didn't mean that, I was wondering if we could make suggestions that would fit ion with your interests/hobbies while also being appropriate for the little ones!

I have to admit I ignored most of that post.

A six year old and a three year old is a different country to a three year old and a one year old, it really is.

But in any event endless lists of things to do isn’t really what I’m about here. It’s probably sheer exhaustion as much as anything else, I think DD slept better as a newborn and she’s refusing to sleep anywhere but with me which really isn’t helping my physical problems! So I’m in pain and exhausted and I’m so used to it I didn’t even recognise what the problem was which is where venting on MN can be very helpful, although of course you do get the army of perfect shrill parents amazed with bug eyed horror that anyone could find small children exhausting and relentless and really why don’t you just go out followed by many exclamation marks.

I hear you. Life was actually pretty easy when DC2 was a newborn. He was of the sleepy, easygoing variety and he just came along for the ride. Weekends with my then 2-3 year old were enjoyable because we got out loads to places I actually found very interesting, like kids museums or city centre libraries or decent parks and DC2 came along in the sling. I could play with DC1 as DC2 couldn’t move and was happy to be held by anyone!

A 4 year old and a 1 year old is proving significantly more difficult as their needs are so different! Playing with DC1 is now really tricky as DC2 needs so much supervision. DC2 does get put in the playpen but he’s screaming after 10 minutes. Basically, age 1-2 is tricky as they can move but have so little interest in things. It’s even harder when you add a bigger child into the mix.

It will get easier. They will converge more as DC2 leaves the baby stage. My SIL doesn’t struggle anywhere near as much now with her 4 and 7 year old!

Are you a single parent?
You’re making comments that seem to suggest you are, like not being able to bend or carry the 1 year old at the park, but you haven’t actually said whether you are or not.
Obviously ideas and suggestions for how easy or fun a weekend activity is will depend on if there’s another adult there or not.

I used to dread weekends with my DDs; DH had to do 7hrs of travel every other Sunday so I'd just look at all these hours I had to fill with horror.

I'm not sure I cracked it during that period - I certainly felt better if we'd done something but the idea of organising anything and actually getting them out of the house with all the shit that they needed, and dealing with naps and snacks and everything out and about, made me tired before we even left the house.

They are 8 and 11 now and a joy to take out (albeit very expensive as they eat adult meals and need a drink from every shop we pass lest they dehydrate 😂). I have no advice, except to say you're not the only person who feels like this, and it gets so much better.

Do you get time just for you? Constantly working or looking after young children is tough, but it's even harder if there's no me time.
If you can find something you really enjoy maybe it won't be so hard with the kids because you have your me time to look forward to.
My eldest two have the same age gap as yours and it wasn't easy although by the time they were 4 and 6 it was great.
They loved being outdoors, going to anywhere with animals or National Trust places. The best thing was though they could hold a proper conversation and no more of me saying oh look a cow.
Of course they did (still do) bicker but were so much better if they weren't coped up inside.

Thanks @VivaVivaa . I know it will get easier - that’s exactly what I’d say to anyone in this position. DD was very similar to your youngest as well and as long as she was snuggled near me she was fine. It’s harder now. Lovely in many ways, she’s such a happy, clever baby and so funny but she’s curious and wanting to explore.

I do enjoy doing nice things with / for them - we go to groups in the week like baby sensory for the baby (obviously) and messy play and lingo tots for the older one, we go to a forest playgroup, swimming lessons, theatre productions for toddlers / preschoolers, soft play when the weathers crap, role play centres, libraries, farms and so on. But I am feeling uninspired of late. I think it is partly that at the weekend prices shoot up because of DH. Two adult tickets for a farm or castle is far more expensive than one. And DS has a class in the middle of the day on a Sunday which is a pain in some ways.

DD will be walking in the next few months I am sure which will be another challenge but also will change the structure of the days too!

Have you tried planning a weekend around what you want to do and slotting them in around that?

It’s really hard. Especially those ages

I do think it's partly a question of mindset. When I was a teacher, the more positive and upbeat teachers got the best results out of their classes, as they set the tone of expecting things to go well and then they did. I think if you try to plan activities, however small, free or local, and try to see weekends as opportunities, it will help. I am not saying it's not tough, I just think it helps.

3 years is fun, but 1 is I agree super boring, i did struggle with the baby stage. 3 up to 8 is really fun, and now I have a 9 year old who thinks she is a teenager and too cool for, well pretty much everything that we suggest 😂

Maybe post on your local Facebook group to ask for suggestions of cheap local day out

Don’t be a dick. Parenting young kids is relentlessly hard. You know this.

Get a membership e.g. English heritage, zoo, merlin, museum. It can be your weekend thing as a family. One year of making the most of it then as you say next summer will be very different.

She didn’t say her kids were dull. Stop being rude.

@BurbageBrook is your aim on this thread to give me a real kicking? I’m asking because I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve. You’re a better parent than me, great, thanks

Sorry you’re getting used for target practice by the Perfect Mummies, OP. Can only echo previous comments: it gets easier, trip along to as many little local events as you can, and get adult company wherever possible. 💐

I actually think the vast majority of comments have come from a good place - I only see one or two that are particularly rude or unpleasant?

Keep it simple. A mixture of playing at home( paddling pool/ sandpit if nice weather) co
ing along with you wherever you need to go, walks in parks, picnics( just take sandwiches and a rug and ball) and the odd day out . Repeat. Just be with your children and talk to them, read to them. Does the 3 year old like helping you bake?

At those ages, I had annual zoo passes - would that or a farm membership be an option? It is an expensive initial outlay but great value over the year and open all year round (it used to annoy me too that so much for preschoolers stopped in the hols). We are/were very lucky that it was only a 5 mins drive away, and I got every penny of value out of ours... We were there multiple times a week, but only for an hour or two each time to break up the day and exhaust DCs. It is big enough that a couple of hours could easily be filled picking 3 animals to visit, a picnic (unless freezing or absolutely chucking it down), and a stop off in the playground or softplay. The 1yo had plenty to enjoy from the buggy but was also able to stretch her legs in the softplay/park and, once walking, wobble along with us between the animal enclosures. Picking different animals and routes each time kept it a bit more interesting, but the main goal was a quieter rest of the day as DCs were always easier to entertain at home with a decent run around in them. It became a bit of a routine, which helped us all.

When was the last time you got out with friends away from the kids and house? Rather than focusing on the kids maybe have a look at planning some stuff for you? ( so you can escape?)

Sundays was always our carboot and chill days. I still don’t plan stuff on Sunday.

They have @sunsetsandboardwalks and I should have acknowledged that. I’ve been trying to only respond to helpful posters but I did get irritated then.

Where we live is a farm/children s attraction.Complete with ride on junior tractors ,Hay bales with tunnels ,a lovely tea room possibly similar near you . Not too expensive ,and a season ticket as well.Good value all round and fun in winter too.Can the 3 year old maybe go to Gymnastics/Dancing /Swimming maybe ?