I love my children but I hate weekends with them

[boatonapond]

They are so so dull.

I just don’t know what to do with them at weekends and they stretch on. I feel like we should be enjoying time as a family. But it feels as if we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

They are 3 and a half and just turned 1.

You don't need to do anything in particular. Stay in and just let them play or go to a park or something.

That's why weekends are nice compared to week days because you don't have to do anything or go anywhere if you don't have to.

Can you love someone if you hate spending time with them?

I think YABU unless ifs the depths of winter - plenty of things to do in the summer with that age range, even with low income. Trips to the park can be stung out with a picnic for example. Walks out and about and of course Trips to attractions/ farms etc if you can afford it.
Winter can be more challenging if I'm honest and more expensive to do indoor things. I think it just takes a little bit of planning. If like me you work full time, it's about doing a little research/planning in an evening or lunch break to look at things to do at the weekends.
I always find occupied children are happier and better behaved, when stuck in/bored it's such a drag so I spend as much time as possible outside (even in winter!) For the sake of everyone's sanity...

It’s probably their ages.

It is incredibly dull. I can’t wait until mine get older.

It'll get better as they get older.

It will get easier as they get older. Mine are 3 and 4 now and I really love the weekends. I always try to hsbe outdoor time, an activity like messy play/fine motor activity, drawing/painting, TV hour and get them involved in cooking meals.
I definitely think going out helps me enjoy the weekends way more rather than being stuck inside.

Write yourself a daily schedule for example....

Breakfast

Outing to the park

Home for nap

Lunch

Play dough

TV & cuddles

Dinner

Bath

Bed

Those ages are really hard work. Short attention spans, constant vigilance :-/ mine were that age during lockdown (shudders)

I do think getting out for as long as possible helps. The car time is also easy time so you might as well explore a larger area (I realised with surprise when my youngest was about 2.5 that I was no longer dreading getting home from a car trip)

It's ok not to enjoy it. For me the 1-2 year phase was a necessary thing to endure to have older kids (they are lovely now).

I think that’s the issue, it’s identical to the week. There’s just this sense of time being filled. And one doesn’t nap at all anyway.

@zzar45 you think I don’t love my children because I don’t necessarily enjoy what a three year old enjoys? Anyway it isn’t that. I like it when we have an actual outing or purpose, even if it’s a kids theatre visit or something because it’s enjoyable and structured somehow. But I’m struggling to find things on at the moment.

I have, of late, adopted the mindset of my parents back in the 90s. Parents back then didn’t feel this kind of responsibility to keep their kids entertained. If there were toys and books lying around, they’d done their job as far as that was concerned. Trips to zoos and theme parks etc happened a few times a year as a treat. Otherwise we just joined whatever they were doing, pub gardens, visiting friends, dog walks, errands.

Maybe my kids will judge me when they grow up and had less visits to Longleat than their friends, but I feel much happier having freed myself from the toxic guilt and that should in turn improve the mood of the house.

I had a similar age gap. We used to try and get out at least one of the weekend days. Either park, beach, long walk etc.

We would often have pj days - stay in our comfies, I would make a big platter of snacks to pick at throughout the day. Then we would play, draw, read stories, watch TV.

As they got older we did more exciting days out but when they were little even a 'fun' bath would bring excitement!

Another thing we did was go to car boots or charity shops, I would take £5-10 and let them choose new toys/books/dvds. Once they got bored I would sell on facebook usually for same price or more. Free or cheap facebook groups were also good for picking up bargains! We always had lots of toys to keep them busy and to suit their changing needs and interests.

This is a really tough combination of ages. I suggest lots o play dates! meeting with other mums always makes the day more fun. Also, bus and train rides maybe? if these are accessible to you? Sometimes the ride is more important than the destination. How close are you to a beach? Cheap and fun, if not too long a journey, but again, the journey is more fun with another mum. I used to take my 3 year old to visit road works.....

Think of me stuck with a 1 and 3 year old alone during lockdown! It’s hard work. The best times are if you can find a friend with similar aged kids and let them play outside whilst you have some adult chats.

@boatonapond are you with them all week as well or do you work? Is your partner around at weekends?

I do hear you to a degree although I generally don’t struggle in late spring/summer/early autumn. We are outside from dawn until dusk with my same aged DC and we all generally have a good time. Of course there is the odd tantrum or poo explosion but I’m at my happiest outside with my DH even if that’s just a kid’s play area or the local woods.

But I am really dreading solo winter weekends this year as their needs are so diametrically opposed. When we are inside it seems someone is always crying! I think it’ll be a case of divide and conquer over winter this year which is a bit sad.

Horrid age OP. It will get better. In 3 years time you will be enjoying your family, almost guaranteed.

I used to hang out with other mum friends with compatible children who liked similar things/ were at a similar stage/ didn't fight with my DC at that age. In some cases we were mutually using each other for some adult company and conversation and the friendships didn't endure once the kids were older but that's ok too!

Why did you have children if you don't want to spend time with them?

I completely agree, I was a 90s kid and the best memories I have are the walks and going to the park. We went to the zoo and other days out but I don’t have a sense of nostalgia or as good vivid memories with them. There’s so much pressure on parents nowadays to entertain their kids otherwise they are going to end up not as intelligent, introverted etc. Load of nonsense IMO.

Have a schedule like wefly has suggested. Children like routines, they may not always show it, but they like to know what is coming next.

Non napper - good time to do something 1:1 with them. Making a cake, decorating biscuits, reading books, playing a board game or some other game which younger sibling would not like.

Children don't need constant entertainment. Have some time where they just potter around. They entertain themselves, you have a cup of tea, observe them but don't interfere unless a safety issue.

Would your just turned 1 year old genuinely be happy to play, draw, read stories, watch TV etc? I don’t know if I just produce feral children but my just turned 1 year old is only happy if he is on the move, occasionally crawling, but usually running towards something he shouldn’t be! Toys engage him for approx 0.2 seconds!

I am not a fan of the early years myself, even with the children I love more than anything else in this world. You have to be ON DUTY constantly. At least when they are school age they can amuse themselves for more than ten minutes. I coped by having a raft of Things To Do. I did my best to include household things like emptying the wastepaper baskets but it was hard going.

I absolutely love my children beyond words but I find weekends really hard.

SEN DS means that everything is very challenging, exhausting and it’s hard to get anything done around the house.

I want to relax, enjoy time together and get little jobs done. But that is all quite rare 😞

It’s tough at that age. I found it helped to get out for an hour or two each day.

I totally agree, spending long chunks of time with children that age is boring, even if you love them more than life.

My daughter wanted to do imaginative play for hours and hours when she was little - I found it mind numbing. She didn't even try to do it with her dad, as I don't think he entertained it - but I sort of felt I had to. I actually used to take her over to my mom's a lot, as my mom used to like doing it!

It does get SO much better, I promise you. Once my daughter was about 6 or something I started to really enjoy conversations with her - now she is absolutely my favourite person to be with and my best friend.

I would say, don't put too much pressure on yourself re screen time. Allow some - it breaks the day up and helps everyone relax and chill - it also actually helps fuel their imagination if you watch decent stuff! (Films, nature documentaries, musicals - you can find stuff that inspires them, and its fine as long as it is in moderation) . I accept that is an unpopular idea on here......

Those of you having a go at OP for not liking weekends, have you had a 1 and 3 year old?
You love their bones but they can be Incredibly hard work, and some days time seems to move as slowly as treacle.
I'm with you OP, I much prefer structured days where we're out and being social, but the days at home just drag sometimes.
I find sunny days much easier as we can all be in the garden with the paddling pool and some toys, but I still clock watch for DH to go home.

And I adore my kids, just like I'm sure OP does.