I love my children but I hate weekends with them

[boatonapond]

They are so so dull.

I just don’t know what to do with them at weekends and they stretch on. I feel like we should be enjoying time as a family. But it feels as if we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

They are 3 and a half and just turned 1.

Oh god OP. The early years were so very very dull.

If you’ve had a career and/or traveled widely (even if you haven’t!) and then suddenly you find yourself singing the wheels on the bus for the millionth time it’s completely normal to feel like you’re going insane at points.

These years are long slow and tedious, repetitive and exhausting to boot. It’s exhausting to love so much and yet feel so unenthralled by yet another day of tedium. You know you are the best person to do it, you know you can’t outsource any of this and yet sometimes, a break would have been very nice.

I hated the early years and it messed with my mental health.

I adored my children and loved with all my heart. But it was very dull.

It’s so much better as they get older. You can go to museums, get on planes and ferries, actually DO stuff without taking the kitchen sink with you.

And they get even older then and they become fascinating conversation partners and truly wonderful interesting fun brilliant companions for all sorts of things and life’s adventures.

Hang in there, it’s early days. It WILL get better.

I think the key to enjoying weekends with small children is getting out of the house. Being stuck at home with bored little ones making a mess is not fun.

I absolutely love weekends where we get out to a beach / forest / hill etc for a walk, visit a museum, have a picnic, play at the river, go for a swim etc. The weekends when we stay at home are nice sometimes but can feel unfulfilling.

Sorry if you’ve already answered this question but do you have a DH that can take over for an hour or so on the weekend so that you have “me time”?

We both have a morning to ourselves each weekend which helps. He has Saturday morning to do whatever he fancies and I have Sunday morning off parenting.

Podcasts and Audio books! My LO is 20 months and I've gone through every episode of most of the popular true crime podcasts, anything by Tortoise Media is also quite interesting. I may get blasted on here but listening to some adult voices is what gets me through the day. I tend to have it on speaker phone when it's just me and her at home, or I use one ear buds if my 7yo SD is around. I'm still engaging and playing with the kids, to the point where sometimes I have no idea what's happening in the book / podcast and have to rewind quite a long way, but the background adult conversation seems to really keep me sane!

This is perfection ♥️

National trust membership was great for us at those ages, adult places to walk around with a playground usually somewhere in it, and nice cafes. Then on the weekend we naturally travelled further to make the most of our membership.

At this age my children were happy enough pottering in the garden with a watering can or sandpit. We also did lots of cheap days out like walking in the woods finding sticks and rocks and bugs to look at followed by a picnic. Even a trip to the pet shop to look at the rabbits and hamsters and fish can fill a few hours! To small children, anything can be an adventure. Have you got friends with similar aged children who could come over for a coffee and let the children play in the garden? In nice weather we could waste whole days with the paddling pool out or a sprinkler to jump through.

I can't really relate as I only have a 1 year old and I love playing with her at wekeends. I imagine it's tougher with two kids. But really I think you set the tone and it's about attitude... If you optimistically plan a picnic or a walk to see the ducks or a trip out, surely that will help?

We go out, only way to cope.

Though I do agree that if you prefer pottering, do that! Personally I find it easier to get out the house.

Why do people make arsehole comments like this? Does it make them feel better?

Ah yes, can definitely relate to the "lost" feeling of weekly routine being disrupted by school holidays with your usual groups no running etc. On the other hand, some places will put on special (often free or cheap) events because it is the holidays, which helps. Have you checked your local library, and any museums in the vicinity for holiday specials? The bad thing about these ages is that you have to go out at least once every day. The good thing is that it can be pretty much anywhere and they won't complain about it being soooo boring like older ones do! It sounds like you have a good mix of bigger days out with farm and castle etc and just maybe need a few bits of inspiration in your playbook for lower key outings too? Social media (local parent blogs etc) can also be brilliant for new ideas for low key days out in your area.

I always had a rough plan of two activities a day. Morning and evening. So in summer I might have grabbed the chalks and do hopscotch then in evening some planting or picking strawberries.

I used to have a jar of ideas and let them pick. Mine loved to build a den, play on the tuff trays, race cars up and down the garden. Storytime outside.

I also had a routine of a walk or run around morning and evening so play catch, footie, etc.

I had in my head tire their bodies out and get them to use their minds. I felt it kept all of us in better form.

I don't understand the concept of being bored or finding toddlers dull! It's a brilliant age, I love the weekends.
Mine are 6 and 3 (so very recent experience of kids the same age) and we do all sorts every weekend.
Yesterday we did ballet class for the 3yr old while DH took DS6 for a hair cut. Then we had a family Lego/Duplo afternoon followed by a movie with popcorn.
Today we are driving to a fruit farm for strawberry picking and lovely wood fired pizza.
I'm off tomorrow too so going to a different farm which has inflatables and rides for the summer.

Other stuff planned: swimming, beach, castle visit, train museum, day trip to York, day trip to Alnwick for the second hand Book shop and ice Creams, rockpooling, many different parks, gym for kids, garden with paddling pool, bikes/scooting, there's so many different activities and events on for all ages.
I don't find any of the above dull.

3 is miles apart from 1 developmentally. A 1 year old cannot ride a bike, go rockpooling, or enjoy a book shop.

I think at that age there’s quite a lot of drudgery. Constantly need changed/fed/ cleaned up after/ nap to consider. It’s possible to love your children and still be bored. If you can try and eat outdoors as much as possible. I used to get so bored of the constant meal preparing, high chair cleaning, floor cleaning cycle. A picnic at the park felt like a day off,

It's a hard stage 3 and 1. It can get easier as the younger one gets older and there are more of the same things they can do. I also remember finding the weekends and holidays harder as a SAHP because the groups stopped and friends were less available.

I don't know what to advise apart from making sure the older one is walked regularly and trying to make the most of the younger ones nap. I think people often give advice for 1 year olds that's very unrealistic and forgets how developmentally different they can be at 1 and 2 and 3.

Maybe you are the dull one not them? If you enjoy going out and doing activities you have to organise them: at 3 and 1 they can hardly do it themselves.

The key to me is planning the weekend into manageable chunks and having at least one thing to look forward to...

Definitely give each other some time to yourselves by taking it in turns to have both children. Be it one person being downstairs for an hour while the other lies in, or one of you visiting family if you have any with both kids etc.

Plan your favourite takeaway (or fakeaway) for the evening once they're in bed/saving your favourite show to watch.

If the little one still naps then that is the time to get the 3 year old entertaining themselves and youll have a minor break.

Agree with a pp about podcasts.

I really don't think people are being realistic about a 1 year old entertaining themselves! But I do agree with a pp that ideally it's good to carry on with adult things and drag them with you. Full disclosure that I only have 1, but I used to run errands in town and take him with me...with a trip to the coffee shop for me and a little treat for them incorporated. I actually have fond memories of this.

I have definitely had times when I found parenting mindnumbing and I'm glad I've not been a SAHP. You have my sympathies and it really will get better. I love weekends with my 10 year old now...and have for many years...but still follow the principles above.

I think @Rainbowsponge has it right - there's no need to suddenly spend your weekends bored to tears in front of cartoons just because you have children.

Yes, there are some restrictions and changes because of naps and nappies, but children don't need a full day of activities and plans that specifically cater to them.

I remember growing up in the nineties and just doing what my parents did - that could have been popping into their work, going for a walk, running errands, doing the food shop - yes, we might stop to play in the park or go for a bike ride but honestly it was mostly just tagging along with what they wanted or needed to do.

The big days out (farm and castle) you describe would have been once a summer kind of activities, not something you did in three days.

I feel the same as you OP and I only have one child aged 20months. It’s worse now the holidays are on because not only do we have to find weekend activities but the normal things we do through the week when I’m not working are all cancelled throughout summer.
I try and do a lot with my child but at this age he has such a short attention span and restricted ability to do lots of things that people suggest.
For example we/I regularly take him to the park. He’s too small to climb on most of the equipment which all has big gaps/drop offs everywhere so it’s basically the swing and the slide (we’ve got about 6 parks near us and they’re all shit). Then he wants to spend his time escaping through the gate which turns into a tantrum. So there’s no way we can spend all morning at the park because I’ll be bored and stressed and so will he. Playdough - he eats. Paint - so much mess for 20 minutes before he’s lost interest.

We do all this stuff but it’s exhausting and boring. I’m just saying I feel you, that’s all.

I think that’s probably the issue - we’ve long left behind the stage where the baby could go in a sling and just focus on the older one. Now we have to find things both can enjoy and that’s proving quite a challenge. It isn’t forever.

I am feeling generally a bit low at the moment as indicated previously.

Look at holidays OP that always cheers me up 😂

You know it won’t last forever. Why are you feeling low?

Thanks @Emilywiththegreeneyes

It’s not so different here. My baby can only
really go on the swings and she can’t spend forever in there.

Two and a half was a big turning point here. But then I had another baby <laughs hollowly>

next summer I will have a four and a half year old and two year old and things will be very different.

its also physically very very difficult for me at the moment as I have an injury and dd likes to be carried a lot and bending down and picking her up is very painful.

Cooking, cleaning and gardening that they 'help' with can be good. Also agree on National trust.