make me feel better by telling me about cringing at yourself

[CrinolinMcCringe]

I had an appointment with a man I fancied a bit in a professional context.
He asked me how I was and I didn't just overshare, it was like projectile vomiting sharing. The worst bit is that after I left I realised I was subconcious trying to impress him but really it was like I'd vomited on him with my life. I keep thinking about it and I want to die. I don't know him at all and the 'how are you' question was that very English thing of not a real question which makes it worse.

Please tell me something you've done that made you cringe to make me feel better.

Several years ago I worked in a supermarket and a man came to the till with alcohol. I asked him for ID. He pulled out his warrant card.
Yeah, not only was he five years older than me he was a police officer too!
Still cringe thinking about it.

I have very lucid dreams and sometimes I get them mixed up with reality. After a particularly lucid dream last week, I woke up in a panic about my house insurance renewal. I checked my policy online, saw the date it was due to be renewed, checked with Alexa (!) and yes, it was the same date.

Obviously, I couldn't phone my insurance company at 3am, but at 9am I was straight on the phone. I gave them a right earful, calling them crooks because I'd had no renewal notice, I was going to be stuck for another year at no doubt twice the price. I said I'd checked my junk emails, actual emails, my online insurance portal, and no renewal notice.

Anyway, the poor lady on the other end of the phone said, quite calmly under the circumstances, that my insurance wasn't due for renewal for another two months. Yes, same day of the month, but in September.

I was so embarrassed! I just apologised profusely, said I'd had a dream and I thought it was September and hung up quick!

I bet that call was recorded and certainly will be used for training purposes!

Was running late for work one morning and had to be at a meeting. Grabbed a jumper off the clean washing pile, put my coat on and went to work. Took my coat off when I got there and turned round to put it on the back of my chair. When I turned round to sit down there was a white bra on the floor which everyone was just staring at. Took me a few seconds to realise that it was mine- it had got hooked to the back of jumper and flew off when I took my coat off! Had to do the walk of shame to pick it up....

Way back in the early 90s I worked in a supermarket when you still needed to prove your ID if you paid by cheque and the total was over £50. I called a supervisor to check the ID of a customer and they laughed at me and said oh we know this lady. It was Pauline Quirke. In my defence I had never heard of her…

I’ve had a couple of “I have no idea why I said that” moments at work. Years ago I worked in a care home and a rather snooty visitor arrived. She asked me if I worked there and for some completely unknown reason I heard myself say “no I live here”. Cue having to explain that no I actually am a staff member and don’t really live here while she stared, astounded.
More recently I was dealing with a shy young man at work who’d been waiting in vain for someone to call him back. I checked his file and his contact details were wrong. I cheerfully said, “oh that explains why X couldn’t get rid of you!” - obviously should have said couldn’t get hold of you… poor man looked mortified.

Teaching job interview.

I had to do a micro teaching session - 4 students, member of staff observing me.

I’d prepared a handout using the course specs they’d provided me with. I started to read the header for one section, which should have said “you need to know how it is used”.

As I started to read it - “you need to know how TIT is used”!!! - I’d actually put fricking tit on a job interview handout!!!

I started to giggle, proper hysterical laughter bubbling up - whilst declaring “you obviously don’t need to know how tit is used, what you do need to know is that just using spellcheck and not properly proof reading a handout is very foolish”… the students were all sat there, mouths agape, I could see the observer shaking in her seat as she was finding this rather hilarious too.

It was trying to reign in my hysterical laughter that was the hardest bit about that. I was mortified but just thought it was so funny, I was in danger of weeing myself.

I did get the job ☺️

@SecretWitch I think you have won this thread 😂

😂😂 That's exactly the sort of thing I'd inadvertently do so I feel your pain.

@DizzyTiana Ha ha! This is exactly the sort of thing I would do! When we were kids, my Dad always told my brothers and me that if we ever saw a hearse go by in the street, we should "doff our cap" at it; i.e. kind of raise an imaginary hat on our heads and bow slightly. It is so ingrained that I still sometimes do it automatically. I was driving about a year ago and a hearse was heading towards me on the other side of the road. I got all flustered and went to "doff my cap" and kind of waved at the same time and ended up doing what looked exactly like a Nazi salute at the driver. It still makes me want to disappear into a big hole. 🙃

@hazandduck You poor thing! Did they help you retrieve your keys?! I feel your pain. I too am scatty....I once went on a date and at the end of the evening, I started to panic as I couldn't find my bunch of keys (including my front door key) in my handbag. The chap I was on the date with was so nice and helpful....he went around the whole pub asking everyone there if they had seen a bunch of keys anywhere. They were nowhere to be seen and I was thinking how the hell am I going to get into my house. This went on for some time. Eventually I said look I'll buy you another drink for your trouble and try to think what to do. Went into my purse to get some money out and there was my lone front door key that I had taken off the bunch so that I could take a small handbag that the huge bunch of keys wouldn't fit in. I was so mortified that I told the bloke that I remembered that I had a spare key under the mat at home...we said goodbye and I scuttled off home. He didn't ask to see me again and to this day I think he thought I was trying it on so that I could go back to his house.

I misread this as your bra strap got caught. That would have been much worse!

Oh, give over.

@Gotthefanonagain Oh that is the stuff of legend....are you secretly me?! Ha ha 😂 I did something similar when my son was a baby. I was trying to take him to a baby group I hadn't been to before. The baby group was in a primary school that started with the letter "N'. There were two primary schools in this particular town that started with the letter 'N' and I went to the wrong one. Went into reception with the baby and cheerily said hello, I'm here for the baby group! The reception staff looked confused and said oh we don't run a baby group here inside the school but it might be held in the portacabin in the playground. So I went round the side of the school to try to get into the portacabin. It was a school day and kids were playing in the playground. The gates were all locked and I didn't know how I was supposed to get in to get to said portacabin. I could see a dinner lady standing about in the distance so I waved at her and started gesticulating towards the portacabin. She waved back politely and again I pointed at the portacabin. She stared at me with a confused expression while I continued to wave like a weirdo. This went on for a while until I gave up and went home. It was only when I got home and looked at the leaflet about the baby group that I realised I had gone to the wrong sodding school. That dinner lady must have thought I was nuts.😂

We were staying in mil bungalow. The bathroom was opposite the front door and the front door had plain glass panels each side. The flooring was engineered wood and very slippy.
The postman rang the door bell as he had a parcel. I got out of the bath, popped a towel round me and dashed to the door.
I slipped on the very slippy floor, fell on my back and slid along with my legs up and my bum and bits on show until I came to a stop by the door
I could see the postman wetting himself but trying to hide his face.
I bet he still tells people about it 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣

I unfortunately have many cringe moments in a lifetime of cringe but hopefully these will help you feel better, OP!

I had dropped my son off at primary school a few years ago and was walking through the school grounds to leave. As I approached the school gate, I saw a man lying face down on the pavement, not moving. I thought oh God, he's collapsed, why is no one helping him? I went charging over and knelt down beside him, ready to try to administer CPR, etc. It suddenly dawned on me that I recognised him....he was the school care taker and at closer quarters, I could see that his head was looking into a man hole cover and his hands were inside it, trying to fix something. He looked round at me and stared at me, just kneeling there next to him. I said HELLO! and then in my mortified state, just got up and ran off. 🏃‍♂️ To make matters worse, I incorporated a kind of light hearted skip and hop into my run, in a half hearted attempt to make it look like I was carefree and had just stopped to say hello. He looked so confused. It still makes my palms clammy to think of it. 😂

@notnorman Oh God, I'm sorry but this has made me laugh so much that I'm actually crying. 🤣 I really need to know if you got up and answered the door?!

Of course! 🤣 the postie seemed relived that I was laughing too. It was just too ridiculous to go and hide, I had to own it 🤣🤣

@notnorman Ha ha brilliant 👏 I salute you! Ha ha 😂

Complete over reaction 😂😂😂

I had another mortifying one. I was wearing a floor length maxi dress which had a boob tube type top and had gone to the local massive Tesco. I got my trolley and walked through the main entrance past security into the store. As I walked in my dress got caught in the wheels of the trolley and pulled it down just enough to fully expose my bra. It didn’t end there 😭 the dress was flowy at the bottom and was firmly wedged in the wheels. It took me a good 30/40 seconds to get it out, all the time bra exposed (thank god I had one on)! I eventually got the dress out the wheel, pulled it up and scuttled into the store. Not one person gave me any eye contact but it must have looked quite a spectacle. I’m sure the security camera people had a good laugh.

I'm not British. My 1st trip to the UK to meet my now in-laws, we went to a pub for lunch. FIL has a strong accent and said he was having
'The steak and Ale Pie'.
I said, 'Oh, I didn't realise you could eat them. Are they farmed or wild?'
I'd completely misunderstood and thought he'd said 'Steak and Owl Pie'!

Years ago, DH and I were invited to a work colleagues house for a BBQ. We'd bought corona beers, but forgotten the lime. They had a massive fruit bowl. I asked whether they'd mind if I had a lime. The hosts shuffled about and looked at each other nervously. I said 'I only want 1, but its not a bother if you'd prefer not!'
They shuffled about a bit more, then produced a bag of cocaine and said
'We weren't going to bring this out till later, but if want a line now, here you go!' 😮

Ooohh! I also served Pauline Quirk in the 90s when I worked in a shop. I did know she was but as a consequence got very nervous & flustered. I was exceptionally nice and apologetic. She did not speak, or smile at all. It was very awkward.

When I first started work in the 90s I had never actually used a computer other than at uni, and that was in the library briefly.

So I got taught a few work things but did not know the power on/off button was at the base console as the PC were always switched on in the morning already.

I had done a whole mornings work on spreadsheets and I mean tons, and the PC froze. A group came over to look at it and some said it needs a reset or some other tech thing. I tried to look clever and pressed the off button and lost all my work. I got these pitiful looks from them, saying err no that is off not reset.

I wonder if that poster has created their very own embarrassing moment by not reading what the thread is about properly. Maybe they'll post again and say I wrote a post on a thread about embarrassing moments...