make me feel better by telling me about cringing at yourself

[CrinolinMcCringe]

I had an appointment with a man I fancied a bit in a professional context.
He asked me how I was and I didn't just overshare, it was like projectile vomiting sharing. The worst bit is that after I left I realised I was subconcious trying to impress him but really it was like I'd vomited on him with my life. I keep thinking about it and I want to die. I don't know him at all and the 'how are you' question was that very English thing of not a real question which makes it worse.

Please tell me something you've done that made you cringe to make me feel better.

@BeardofHagrid don’t feel embarrassed about that. He didn’t reply very nicely and you didn’t say anything wrong. 🩷

A few years ago I was driving down a country road when some road works were being set up. A man had one of those stop/go signs. When it was my turn to go I would usually pop my hand up to say thanks, but for some unbeknown reason I blew him a kiss. I never even do that! Poor man looked so confused.
Makes me cringe so much

@NotSoBigCrocodile I was having my ear examined by a really handsome ENT consultant. He had a look inside my ear and said “you have very small ear canals”. I blushed and said “thank you”.

I did the exact same with a gorgeous doctor trying to take bloods. He said I had tiny veins and I blushed and thanked him rather coquettishly! 😂

A year or two ago I found my cat in the garden with a mouse he’d caught. It was in a bad way. I was so pissed off with the cat, shouted at him about what a fucking horrible animal he was etc. Shut him indoors, went upstairs and saw that my neighbours were in the garden with their grandchildren.

You missed the point. The first two were things she said without realising the situation.

I was having my damaged car taken away to be repaired and someone else from the hire place picking me up and driving me to fill in the paperwork and collect the courtesy car. So these two men turned up at my house, I’m scatty in general and said “Just a minute,” skipped round to the bin to throw a bag of rubbish in. As they watched I then proceeded to throw my set of keys in too. They went all the way to the bottom of the wheelie bin. I just blinked for a second then said “I just threw my keys in there.” 🙈 Then proceeded to have to try and dive to the bottom of the bin and retrieve them as they watched! I’m such a nob. I do shit like that all the time!

Tube falls are the worst. My husband always gets up way too early on trains and on a busy tube once did so, I followed then it juddered and he cacked over and took me with him..we ended up on the floor and he made my toenail fall off. Everyone had a bloody good laugh though including our 17 year old son

As a student nurse I worked a night shift on a private surgical ward. Before bedtime I had to check everyone’s vital signs as well as their surgical dressings.
One older gentleman had been into surgery for his prostate. I asked to see his wound dressing for which he obviously had to pull his pyjama bottoms down. I freeze as he’s doing so, realising in my ignorance that I’m not at all sure where exactly the surgical dressing is going to be. He waits patiently. I don’t want to look like I’m not a professional so I start looking around down there, only to realise I’ve spent quite a long time staring at his dick, and close up to boot.
In the end, he goes “it’s here” pointing to further up in his groin area. I was mortified.

I've posted this before...
Almost 30 years ago, we moved to this house. As the moving van was being unloaded, the next-door neighbour came to the fence to introduce himself. He told me he had just retired.
"Good for you," I said. "How much is your pension?"
He muttered something and walked away. We've barely spoken since.
Almost 30 years...

@CrinolinMcCringe , I continued to attend the same synagogue. He was such a nice man and smoothed over any embarrassant by treating exactly as he had always done.

To be embarrassed is to be human or some similar shite 😂😂😂

I recently went to a work end of year get together. I got so drunk I couldn't stand up, over shared massively as a result and had to ring a friend to pick me up as DH was working away! I'm so glad it's the holidays and I don't have to see the majority of my colleagues until September!

Nasty comment

Mine is on behalf of someone else but I instigated it.

In my 20s, moving house with my lovely flatmates, did it in a couple of tube trips with some suitcases (as you do when you're skint and don't have much stuff). On one of said trips, I'd stuffed my sparkly pink vibrator in the front zip of her suitcase at the last minute - mine was probably even more full.

Anyway, as we walked from the tube station to our new house she dropped the suitcase, the front zip burst open, and the vibrator flopped out, just as a kind gentleman had very quickly knelt down to help pick the suitcase back up for my friend. It just... lay there, for ages. No one knew what to do. Other people were walking past by now and noticing the iridescent pink plastic phallus, lying on a dingy grey London pavement, slowing down to look with craned necks. I sort of did a slow moonwalk backwards to get out of the situation and - I'm sorry to say - leave my friend to put two and two together and realise it belonged to one of her flatmates, pick up the vibrator and try to stuff it in the already jam packed suitcase, utterly flustered and bright red. The man stood up, made no eye contact, shuffled off. Luckily my friend is amazing and got over it relatively quickly, but she spent a good few weeks nervously scanning the horizon for said man, so she could avoid him. (We never saw him again).

Reminds me of my appointment with a handsome ENT specialist, a real silver fox with a great manner. He had to put a tube down my nose, which was a bit runny that day, and I spent quite a lot of time telling him how my nose is usually quite dainty and dry, like a) he cared and b) I was trying to woo him with images of a nice dry nasal passage. Cringed as soon as I left the appointment and thankfully everything was fine so I never had to go back.

Haha I hope it wasn't me. Don't worry I recovered and hopefully you've learned from it.

@AnnieMcFanny that made me properly laugh.

I once tried to place an order at a Dunkin' Donuts drive through in the US, not realizing that it was still under construction. They had the digital menu board thing installed and on so in my defense it did look like they were open, but I spent far too long saying "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Just wanting to order some donuts" before I noticed the crowd of people waiting for the school bus laughing at me. I felt very silly 

Also managed to answer the door to the mailman with a boob out. I'd just finished nursing DC1 and was so sleep deprived that I didn't even notice until I saw his face. I don't know who was more horrified 

🤣🤣🤣

As a newly graduated nurse, 6 months into my first job I was asked to cover one of the wards. On the ward there was a hot drinks station where patients and relatives could help themselves.
I was drowning in pointless paperwork when a relative approached the desk and asked for tea for her and her Mom. Barely giving a glance, I vaguely pointed towards the drinks station telling her she could help herself. Very graciously, she told me she only has one arm. I looked up, said, oh I'm so sorry, let me give you a hand. If that wasn't bad enough, she commented on how busy the unit was. What did I say? Oh you'd want 3 pairs of hands for this place 🫣 I still die a thousand deaths when I recount this.

I’ve posted this before. I was in a charity shop looking for a good read. It was very busy but very quiet - people browsing peacefully. I squatted down to look at books on a bottom shelf, slightly proud of my agile and poised smooth movement and balance when an involuntary fart trumpeted out at what felt like a huge number of decibels. Everyone looked so shocked and one woman let out an audible gasp of horror.

Mortified doesn’t cover it.

I wonder why he didn't get someone to snip it off when it got too long

Years ago I had a quite intense panel interview. As I shook hands with one of them I said hello instead of goodbye!

Years later I still cringe although my DH still thinks it's hilarious.

The worst one though wss when I was a trainee journalist and was sent off to cover a big launch of a new phone.

In those days I used a dictaphone. I didn't have a spare tape so borrowed one from a colleague.

Unfortunately I pressed play instead of record and Metallica blasted out stunning the speaker into silence and me frantically trying to stop the bloody dictaphone. It still send shudders of embarassment through me when I think about it!

When my DS was in his early teens he'd been in some sort of rough and tumble incident at school break and did something to his leg - couldn't walk on it properly and was in a fair bit of pain so we were summoned to pick him up and get him to A&E.

Predictably it was a long wait, he was in grumpy teenage phase anyway plus in pain, so I was over compensating on the jollying along front while of course being worried myself.

When we were eventually called in I jumped up enthusiastically and said rather too loudly "Come along Hop-A-Long" then turned to see the two staff members calling us in included a chap with one arm and one leg using a crutch.

I was mortified. They pretended not to have heard very graciously.

Some years ago I had an appointment with a tarot reader called Jason, in the next town, about 10 minutes drive away. I was running late and forgot to pick up my phone, containing the address of said tarot reader. I remembered the street, and thought it was number 24. Knocked on the door. A lady answered, I said hello, I've come to see Jason. Oh yes, she says, come in. I went in, sit down she says. He's just upstairs. Would you like a drink, etc etc. I sat down, Jason came down the stairs. Big bloke, muscly, lots of tattoos. Not looking like a tarot reader at all.I said hello, he said hello, and waited.....I said I've come for my cards reading.........? Cue silence. He said, I thought you'd come from HR. At his work .OMG.
2 Jasons on the same road.
Mega cringe all round. I left sharpish. Drove home. Got my phone. Went to the correct address. Had my cards read. He was really good as well. But the house was filthy and stunk. So didn't go back. Shame.

@Sharontheodopolodous ’fancy a shag lover boy’ 🤣🤣

A friend and I were drinking in a massive nightclub. The chill out room had bean bags, lounges and one of those large, black massage chairs, which a guy was using. We went and got another drink and when we returned 30min later- the guy was still using it.
I sidled up and said 'Would you mind giving us a go at the chair, you have been using it for sometime now?
Through my wine goggles, I suddenly realised the guy was in fact sitting in a highbacked electric wheelchair 😬