Brother and kids living with me

[irishchick93]

I'm just looking some advice on this.

My brother recently separated from his partner has nowhere to live, can't find a rental.
He has 2 children twins aged 8 and custody half the week. He has 3 weeks left on his short term rental.

His mental health has deteriorated because of the split and the basis of the split and while I feel really sorry for him i feel like he's just putting everything on me and my other sibling saying "I've nowhere to live" and "I don't know what I'm going to do" has no friends in the area and the family home has gone with my elderly mum living with myself and my husband.

I'm worried he expects me to just take him in without exploring all the options, I already have my mum here and my husband and 3 young children. I honestly worry about my own mental health adding 2 more people to listen to and run after. He and the twins are hard work!

My other sibling simply says he hasn't got the room but he has the same amount of rooms as me. I feel everyone expects me to take them and look after everyone.

AIBU and nasty? Or any advice? I obviously don't want to see them homeless but I feel like they wouldn't bother to look anymore once he's comfy in here.

Don’t let them move in. Your brother’s situation is really difficult but it’s not your responsibility to make your life harder to sort out his problems.

If you want to help, would it be an option to offer to have them all stay one night a week/fortnight? Then your brother could find a bedsit or room in a shared house and have somewhere to have the kids overnight sometimes.

Take a step back. Two steps back. Just say, ‘Let me know when you find somewhere’. Depression or not he’s a grown ass man who has to come up with his own solutions to his own problems. You’re just not in a position to take in another family. To be fair, he hasn’t even asked yet, but if it comes up don’t let yourself get drawn into a debate about whether you can take him. If the family home is in both their names he has the right to stay there as awkward as it may be.

@irishchick93
There are lots of ways in which his story doesn't add up!
It sounds to me as if he's trying to con you and he isn't in as desperate a situation as he makes out. He's just hoping you will provide him with an easy solution so that he doesn't have to do any work to improve his situation.

Thanks for all the advice.
The house is sold and yes he has quite a bit of equity but still having no luck in securing a property.

The guilt is killing me and the little jibes saying "Oh il just move in with you" laughing. I'm finding it really awkward. Also to mention he's very depressed with very bad health anxiety at the minute and I find it very draining to listen to along with my 3 very young children and my elderly mother.

I feel like they assume this is the family home as mum is here. (No finances involved with mum this is my and husbands home) where I think I've done a big part and was privileged to the others shouldn't expect me to to more.

Can you not just laugh back, ‘Haha, no chance. You need to get your arse in gear and get yourself sorted or you’ll be living on the streets.’

Then you need to stay strong and remember you are keeping your home a stable place for your children.

They deserve a peaceful home with a happy mum. Don't be guilt tripped into putting them last. They are your priority.

As soon as I read it, was my thought... and I'm a bloke!

Also had a few comments such as "Awh if Nanna still lived at home we would be made welcome"🙄

Unfortunately she doesn't, and you aren't.

There is the answer for you!

Where the fuck does he think the 3 of them will sleep? On the kitchen floor?

Thanks I know this deep down but I can't help but feel if it was me would anyone help

"Oh I'll just move in with you"
Chancing his arm.
This is the part where you make it clear that won't be happening.

Your reply with tinkly laugh or Paddington hard stare

"What? You want me to end up divorced too?"
"[laugh] That's not happening bruv. Ask [sibling]. My inn's full/no room at the inn."
"Not even as a joke. I'm already looking after Mum."
"Hah! Good one. Let me see...mmm...nope."

Or just to cut to the chase love.
"Look, I am sorry you're struggling but you cannot live with me. I've enough on."
He's not feeling guilty for imposing.
Other one's not feeling guilty for making it quite clear his house is unavailable.
Spell it out.

You don't need to worry about the kids, they'll stay with their mum if DB has nowhere to house them regardless of 50/50, so DB only has himself to look after really in the short term. It's not your problem, say no. He's an adult. In your situation I said yes and ended up kicking my brother out and we haven't spoken in 10 years 💐

Your brothers a cheeky bastard.

"Ha ha dh and I have enough with Mum living with us. I can't wait for you to get your own place and have a turn of Mum living with you."

Your response to suggestions he moves in with you:
’You’re so funny! I’m looking forward to getting my house back for a few days a week - no reason why Mum can’t come to you whilst twins are with their DM. She’ll be company for you.’

No doubt he’ll respond with a comment about how he needs downtime when the twins aren’t there. Cue, silence & Paddington hard stare until it clicks that you have a houseful all the time.

You don’t actually have to mean this, but it shifts the balance.

Take him and kids to your local council housing department.. They will have to supply him with a roof over his head. It might be temporary accommodation, but he needs to do that.

Great minds!

Would I be right that you’ll be expected to make the dinner for everyone including your brother???

Far too much for you to take on. You already have your Mum. Both your siblings are being incredibly selfish here. He needs to step up and find a home to house his children eventually. In the meantime they will have to delay the 50 50 arrangement because he simply has nowhere to accommodate them. Not your responsibility - you have more than enough on your plate. Your immediate family need to come first here.

Separated, moved out, got equity, still failed to source adequate accommodation, wants 50/50...

Would you do this??

Yes he and his wife and twins stayed with me for a summer 3 years ago as they had just moved from abroad and him AND her wouldn't as much as lift the dirty dishes off the table.

Well he can't have 50/50 if he's got nowhere to live can he? He needs to find somewhere to rent ASAP. I don't blame you or the other sibling for refusing, he's an adult and has committed to 50/50 so he needs a plan of how to do that.

Yep. It's not happening.
They are divorcing.
He's moved out.
50-50 means he looks after his kids 50% of the time, including School Run, Pick up, Emergency care , cleaning, laundering and meal prepping.

You aren't their second mum. You're their aunt.
It's not your Wifework. You can say no to all this now.
How has the custody worked so far in rental?
What's his job?
Is he doing parenting well atm?
I think he sees you as an easy answer to it all. You're not.
Grow some backbone, woman!

No one needs to put him up op, he has resources from the sale of the property, he needs to figure out this by himself.

He is a grown man but seems incapable of looking after himself and is expecting the women in his family to do it for him, this isn't your problem and if you were in his shoes I'm sure you would sort this out yourself.

I wonder why the marriage ended?!

Homeless and kipping at his sister’s PLUS Also to mention he's very depressed with very bad health anxiety

This man should NOT be having his children 50/50

where the heck are these poor children sleeping?