Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'

[anonymouslt123]

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

A joke taken too far! Have words…

No, not right at all. Do you have a name for him?

It’s abusive

do you both work full time? What percentage of the domestic labour do you do?

Yup, throw this one back or riot act. It stops with the consequence if it doesn't, he gets binned - seriously. He's setting you up to not expect anything of him at all, for you to do all the work at home. Imagine this in 10 years and with kids in the mix - it'll be very, very old and frustrating.

Jokes are meant to be funny.

I'd have a name for him...😑

Also please stay on effective contraception until this is fully resolved.

Urgh, what a dick. I can’t believe a grown man would need to be told it’s not funny and not ok.

That is absolutely horrible. You should have nipped it in the bud the first time he said it.

Is he a misogynist in other ways?

Bloody hell! He’s shown his true colours since you married him.

Not a joke when no one’s laughing. ‘Just a joke’ is very invalidating. You’ve told him you don’t like it and he persists, from which I’d have to deduce he intends to upset you.

Funny (slight possibility of this, I’m being generous) 1 time only.

He’s gone so far OTT with his own joke it’s disgusting. Also it doesn’t even make sense. Nagging Wife would grammatically.

It’s so rude and demeaning.

When did it start? No way would I put up with this.

Wow! That’s really unkind.

For years and years my DH used to say I was “telling him off” when I asked him to do jobs. I spent years saying that we were a team, it’s his house too, doesn’t have any pride in something he’s spent so much hard earned money on etc? He’d say “Well I just don’t want to.” Or “You enjoy shopping, cleaning etc.” I guess that was his way of telling himself that it’s ok not to do his share.

We’ve now been married 24yrs and our adult children got in his case while they are doing jobs and finally does jobs without being asked. I even tell him certain things are his jobs like vacuuming, bins, window washing and that he’s better at those that me. He still does them in his own time rather than when they need to be done.

You shouldn’t have to ask him to do his share but I don’t have the answer to him calling you nag wife. It’s disrespectful and unkind. You could start calling him lazy husband 😉

That is really nasty - I would be so upset if DH did this.

No that’s stupid and sexist and not funny. He needs to stop it. Very disrespectful to you and he is probably referring to you as that outside your home too.

God help you and your lack of self esteem that you would live with and tolerate such disrespect from this pig.

If you haven't had children, then don't.
He neither loves nor cherishes you.

You have chosen badly and your future looks absolutely miserable with a man who is so openly acorns and decides you.

Oh and have no doubt he refers to you like this to others.

You deserve better.

Absolutely not on! Jokes are supposed to be funny. This isn't. I'd tell him to stop it, start doing things without having to be asked, otherwise sod off!

This will end in a divorce anyway so you may as well bite the bullet as soon as you can

Save him on your phone as 'Arsehole Husband'.

Well, if the cap fits ...

Save him in your phone as Ex Husband to Be

(what? it's just a joke)

Have you tried answering " OK limp dick' every time? After all it's just a joke.

You are massively underreacting OP. He has no respect for you. The relationship is doomed unless you go nuclear and he changes by some miracle. Also you need counselling for yourself, this shouldn't even be a question.

What do you call him? Call him “First Husband”. Just a joke!

Or say that it started off funny (did it?) but you find it hurtful and want him to stop.

To stop you nagging, get him to come up with a list of household jobs that need doing and choose which ones he’ll do automatically without any “nagging” required. Don’t get into a setup where all the house stuff is automatically yours

Save him in your phone as shrimp duck or shit shag. Every time he ash's for sex sigh drastically and say that you will do it but you just wish he could last longer/had more girth and the skills of the man you were with just before him/your first boy friend/your vibrator even when that batteries are flagging. Then when he gets all offended explode in raucous laughter and point out that it's a JOKE!

Your new name for him whenever he calls you that can be ‘Twat husband’. It’s okay, it’s a joke!