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Original poster

Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'

215 replies

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

OP posts:
OldChinaJug · 27/07/2024 08:48

OP, I'm saying this to point out how fundamental it is. Not to belittle you.

I'm a primary school teacher and every autumn term we have Anti Bullying Week.

One of basic messages we instill in the childen is that it's only a joke if everyone is laughing. Otherwise it's bullying.

If that's a message we expect young children to understand, it's certainly one your husband can understand.

It's not a joke. He's bullying you.

WandsOut · 27/07/2024 08:49

It's not funny and it's boorish and demeaning. I wouldn't put up with it.

CHEESEY13 · 27/07/2024 08:49

Bella43 · 27/07/2024 08:40

It's not a joke if it's upsetting you. I'd be particularly hurt at having that name saved on his phone.

My ex used to make fun of my personal appearance. He'd point out any spots I had, comment on how pale my skin was. When I asked him not to he'd say it was a joke. It's not funny when the other person is not laughing.

Sympathies. When these 'unfunny' guys are well and truly cornered they ALWAYS play the "it's just a joke" card. How original - not.

Or: "it's a bit of banter!"
And: "you've no sense of humour, that's your trouble!"
And the last resort: "I suppose it's your hormones......."

(The last one should be a hanging offence.)

Radionowhere · 27/07/2024 08:49

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

Refer to him as Useless Husband. See how he likes it.
Seriously though, it's not funny. I'd be having words.

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 27/07/2024 08:50

In modern family when Jay said something sexist to his lovely wife Gloria she responded " That's so funny me and next husband will laugh about it. " That shut Jay right down.

haveatye · 27/07/2024 08:51

Yes, he's disrespecting you.

I'd sit him down and explain that you don't like it. You should both be doing roughly equal amounts of domestic labour. If you do more, he should be eternally grateful you're spending a disproportionate amount of your finite time on earth making a comfortable home for him to live in. The least he could do is not be a twat about it.

He sounds like a child. I wouldn't stay if he goes on like this.

Radionowhere · 27/07/2024 08:51

Didn't mean to quote your OP, OP!

Deadringer · 27/07/2024 08:53

Yes I would start calling him lazy husband, or soon to be ex husband. I would have told him to fuck off the very first time he said it though.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/07/2024 08:55

autienotnaughty · 27/07/2024 08:39

Change his name to small prick husband. Put it in your phone. Anytime he asks something of you say 'yes small prick husband.'

It's his way of silencing you so you feel like you can't ask him to do stuff, it also creates a narrative that the home stuff is your responsibility

Or better yet no small prick husband. Something is only a joke If the person it's about genuinely thinks it's funny and enjoys the joke. It's a joke is just an excuse made by bullies to justify their nastiness and put downs. It's not funny and its not a joke. It's your feelings and your life and this man is supposed to love you not make you feel undermined and hurt and less than.

dothehokeycokey · 27/07/2024 08:57

I'd call him dickhead every time he sighed or called me nag wife.

I would also save him in my phone under dickhead husband and play him at his own game.

When he gets offended (which he will)just smile and say that's why I'm called nag wife,because you behave like a childish dickhead and then he will realise he's being a tit.

If he doesn't then you need serious words about how disrespectful he is being towards you.

I would not be happy

Meadowwild · 27/07/2024 08:59

Try Neg Boi as a response. Negging is criticising women to keep them in their place, done by men who haven't reached adult levels of emotional maturity, hence Boi not Man.

DeliciousApples · 27/07/2024 08:59

That's not funny at all.

It's him telling you he doesn't want to do anything for you because he doesn't respect you, and I too would call him something as 'innocent' as what he was calling me.

Lazy husband.
Useless husband.
Soon to be ex husband.
Worthless husband.
Crap husband.

Whichever you think most appropriate.
Get your ducks in a row. Copy bank and building society statements, pension info, wage slips, p60s. Etc. As it's only a matter of time before you need these things to divorce him and get a fair settlement.

HappyWorkingMummy · 27/07/2024 09:01

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

Disrespectful.

Next time he does it just down tools, pour a glass of wine, put your feet up, and watch something only you enjoy.

Let the housework pile up.

Let him do it!

If he doesn't and it gets to a stage you can't bear, go stay with friends/family/in a hotel for a while, explaining to him that you cannot beat him calling you something as disrespectful as Nag Wife but not can you bear the mess he is willing to live in if you don't clean/ask him to chip in.

permanently · 27/07/2024 09:03

These threads make me so thankful I'm married to a respectful husband. Now. Husband Number 1 was like yours OP. He would have had me listed on his phone as either 'Essex Chav', 'Non Private School Attendee' or simply 'The Wanker.' He had zero respect for me and it was doomed from the start xx

Fromage · 27/07/2024 09:05

He would be in my phone as "Bitch Baby STBEX"

Is he 35 or 135? His sense of humour seems tragically old fashioned. Ugh.

perfectstorm · 27/07/2024 09:10

I'd be calling him the Ex Husband.

ilikemethewayiam · 27/07/2024 09:12

Parkmybentley · 27/07/2024 07:35

You are massively underreacting OP. He has no respect for you. The relationship is doomed unless you go nuclear and he changes by some miracle. Also you need counselling for yourself, this shouldn't even be a question.

Absolutely this ^

AzureAnt · 27/07/2024 09:12

Little willy. And every time he enters the room start singing Little willy won't go home.Especially when you have company

bonzaitree · 27/07/2024 09:15

I think you need to lose your shit.

GHSP · 27/07/2024 09:17

I think your new name for him should be ex-husband. You don’t have to be treated like this. He’s three years into a marriage and being this much of a dick? It’s not going to get better.

GingerPirate · 27/07/2024 09:17

Hugmorecats · 27/07/2024 07:36

Your new name for him whenever he calls you that can be ‘Twat husband’. It’s okay, it’s a joke!

This, or more likely divorce.
Maybe it's my age, 45, but who TF does he think he is?
I lived on my own and a married life (fairly decent husband).
Guess which life is better?

Growlybear83 · 27/07/2024 09:18

I think you're overthinking things and from what you've said in your post, it sounds light hearted and wouldn't bother me. My husband has referred to me as the Old Trout for most of the time we've been together - I'm in his phone contacts as OT, and cards are usually addressed to the Old Trout.

Ger1atricMillennial · 27/07/2024 09:19

Love the suggestion for "first husband"... how about just straight up "sexist pig"

Bit gross in reality... the second that he saved me as that in his phone, I would be moving into another bedroom.

cupcaske123 · 27/07/2024 09:24

Growlybear83 · 27/07/2024 09:18

I think you're overthinking things and from what you've said in your post, it sounds light hearted and wouldn't bother me. My husband has referred to me as the Old Trout for most of the time we've been together - I'm in his phone contacts as OT, and cards are usually addressed to the Old Trout.

He's not pulling his weight around the home and is disrespecting her when she asks him to help. That's very different to an affectionate nick name.

Ger1atricMillennial · 27/07/2024 09:26

Growlybear83 · 27/07/2024 09:18

I think you're overthinking things and from what you've said in your post, it sounds light hearted and wouldn't bother me. My husband has referred to me as the Old Trout for most of the time we've been together - I'm in his phone contacts as OT, and cards are usually addressed to the Old Trout.

Someone who loves you compares you to an old fish.....?