Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'

[anonymouslt123]

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

Please don't resort to calling him names back, because then he will seize that as justification to continue. If my DH tried to mock my voice he would do it only once.

Time to call him ex-husband.

Don't have children with this one...

Jokes are supposed to be funny. He is not

He is a disrespectful sad man

He is dehumanising you and stripping you of your identity and autonomy.

It's a tactic used by men to break down your self-esteem.

Tell him to call you by your name, and to stop doing the "impressions" which are designed to humiliate you.

If he's not capable of having a healthy, adult, respectful relationship, you're probably on a hiding to nothing.

If you’re going to give him a nickname of his own I think Loser Manchild has more bite than most of the ones suggested.

I’d use his name to set up an Alexa command so I could say “Alexa, play Fred’s song” whenever he walked into a room and it would play Short Dick Man.

My serious advice is to just divorce him though.

To imitate your voice, unless its part of a wholly mutual, affectionate shared joke, is so nasty I can't believe you are still with this man. No decent person would do that to another human, never mind a partner. My stepmother used to do it & it made me feel so humiliated.

How incredibly unattractive. How does your fanny not just clamp shut?

What redeeming features does he have?

Hope it went ok op.

This type of disrespect is common from abusers. Aim is to break your spirit over time and make you feel your wants and needs are not valid.

Then the 'it's a joke/you musunderstood/you overreact/you're too sensitive' kicks in when you react to their goading. They twist your reaction onto you to make you feel they are the injured, misunderstood party.

'Don't ever mock my voice again. And don't make nasty, belittling jokes at my expense anymore either. You also need to start doing your share in the home. This is your first and last warning. Buck your shit up, because I won't remain married to a contemptuous manchild'.

He won't change unfortunately. Not for long anyway. Because he has contempt for you and that doesn't go away. It can only be temporarily hidden.

But at least you know you tried. And can walk away drom the marriage with your head head high should he revert back to being a nasty prick.
Don't waste your life changing yourself in the hopes of trying to fix someone else's issues. You can't. Because you aren't the problem.

Nope. This is appalling and insulting. It isn’t a joke, as he is using it to make sure you do all the housework and wait on him hand and foot. Has he been engaging with red pill, trad wife, alpha male crap online? It certainly sounds like it.
You are, I am sure, aware of the double meaning here. A nag is someone who is constantly demanding that others do as they are told, but it also means an old, broken down, workhorse. If this is genuinely how your husband sees you then you seriously need to rethink this marriage. He is being abusive and manipulative. Don’t put up with it.

Not funny in the slightest.

I wonder how he talks about other people in his life? I had an ex whose idea of a joke or banter always involved putting someone else down, whether it was his allegedly stupid work colleagues, people on tv or even his friends and members of his family. Soon the jokes became directed at me. If someone’s idea of fun is constantly belittling others that won’t change, get yourself gone xxx

correct response is Lazy arsed dickhead moron.

@anonymouslt123

If my DH called me 'nag wife', I'd be calling him EXhusband. First as a 'cute nickname', then for real.

This is disrespect on such a basic level and I wouldn't tolerate it, especially from someone who supposedly loves me. And should be the first person to defend me and have my back.

Didn't we all learn in childhood 'Don't call names' and 'If you can't say something nice etc'? Sounds to me as if he skipped school that day.

A joke that ceases to be funny isn't a joke. It's just rude/offensive. Tell him you will refer to him as teeny peeny in public unless he desists in this petty behaviour.

And it's not a good sign in the respect department. People who ask if you can't take a joke are usually cruel and emotionally abusive in the longer term.

Nope not okay. Disrespectful. Can you call him wanker man ?

I think this is the perfect response, if your dh doesn’t listen to you and change his ways, @anonymouslt123. I hope you don’t have to use it.

Pinkbonbon has it spot on. Be firm and direct when you tell him you will not tolerate him being disrespectful.

Start calling him Soon to be Ex Hubby and see how funny he thinks it is.

I’d rename him ‘defective husband’, but I can’t say that dropping to his level is the right thing to do, I’m just snarky!!!

I will say though that, having been in the type of relationships when they try to grind you down on the past I was very direct with my DH form the get go that he should never say anything he didn’t 💯 mean because nasty words cannot be simply taken back and forgotten and we live by that in this house.

I agree with others that telling him he’s out of line very directly would be the best solution.

As others have said. Just entertain yourself with various nicknames for him whilst you wait for the divorce to finalise. May I suggest “Mr . Comes too Quick” or “ MicroDick”.

How did the chat go?

Just sigh, and respond with “you ok small cock?”
lol it’s just a joke nickname..! Every time. Change his phone name to it as well.