To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

[lilacfield]

I probably know the answer but feel a bit guilty as both cried when I dropped them off. They go 3 days a week but I don’t work in school holidays.

FWIW, mine went to a TTO nursery.
Younger DD always struggled after the holidays. She never liked drop offs anyway (or pick ups... it was transitions!) But it was worse after the holidays.

And, just to shock people...I was a SAHM who sent nine two mornings a week from around 18 months until 3 years old when they did their 15hrs!

@PuttingDownRoots I do wonder if some children struggle a bit with fifteen hours if they’ve never been to a childcare setting before. I’m sure many don’t. My colleagues little girl will start 30 hours in September: she hasn’t been to a nursery before because her mum works two days and dad has those as his day off and then works weekends. So be interesting to see how she gets on.

My son is SEND and starts school in September! He’s going to nursery three days a week. I’m a teacher but I’ve paid so he’s going. My house is a tip and I can’t do jobs with him here!
You are not unreasonable x

It will be good to give DS some 1-1 time while DD is at nursery.

I don't see the issue. My friend had twins and she put them into nursery on separate days so she could have a day a week 1-1 with each one.

I used to do this and use the time to do things that I couldn't do with them at home. Mainly things like taking stuff to the tip, DIY and so on.

Just being able to leave the house without 1.5 hours prep made a big difference to my state of mind tbh

It's not nice when they cry at drop off, but there'll be tears at some point during the day with a 3 and 1 year old anyway!

OP is planning on putting them both in nursery though - no 1-1 with either child.

I don’t know any teachers who did this. And I don’t know any parents who took multiple days of annual leave per week without their kids.

For all those who say breaks to get housework done and for maternal mental health are essential etc - what do you think non-teacher parents do? I work full
time and have no family support and DH and I use one day of annual leave per year to do our Xmas shopping and go for a nice lunch. The idea that we should need or expect multiple child free days per week is just completely unrealistic.

If I had the absolute luxury available to me to have paid time off that I could spend with my small children I would be grabbing it with both hands.

I know a lot of teachers who do this. I think most who are on term time only contracts have done so because of money rather than because of an innate desperation to spend more time with their children.

OPs updates implied she was going to do 1-1 with the older boy.

I am sorry you are in the position you are, it must be very hard for you. But OP is in a different position and I was giving my opinion on her choices.

”innate desperation” - wow.

Most parents do enjoy spending time with their children and treasure that time. My teacher friends and my sister in law look forward to it all year, especially because their working hours mean that they often can’t do drop off or pick up.

I would so love to have the chance to spend the summer with mine. I don’t mind if you consider that desperate or somehow weird.

It isn’t weird at all @FolkSongSweet . It’s lovely. But also, a lot of people - and I am one of them - really do value and enjoy a bit of me time, precisely because it is so unusual to get it when you have such young children.

Insisting that they don’t and that others love their children more than I do because they take them out of nursery in the summer isn’t quite accurate or fair, in my experience anyway. Luckily I am secure in the love I have for my children but if I was struggling those words would be very brutal and potentially distressing.

If you can afford it and your children enjoy going, why would it be bad?

You still have PLENTY of hours to enjoy at home with your DC. No need to put yourself on a guilt trip

What words are brutal and distressing? I don’t think I said anything about your love for your children.

Sure, me time is nice. But 2-3 days a week for 6 weeks is really a lot of me time. In your position I wouldn’t do it and I don’t know anyone else who would either. But it seems you’re happy with your own choices so enjoy it I guess.

I think because I’m not convinced they do enjoy it! 😬😬 I think they like it when they are there. I really hope so.

That is the most passive aggressive response @FolkSongSweet 😂

We’ve been through the justifications for the twelve month old endlessly. Three year old is having some days with just me.

Teachers do get a lot of holiday time: we’re famous for it. The package we have at the nursery doesn’t allow for a term time only deal so this is where we are.

I don’t mean it to be - you asked for opinions, you received opinions, you don’t care about opinions that disagree with you - that’s how this thread has gone.

It seems you’ve decided to do some 1-1 with the older one since you started the thread though - I’m sure he will love that.

‘Enjoy it I guess’ wasn’t meant to be passive aggressive? Of course it was. I could almost hear the disdainful sniff from here.

I am sure I will enjoy both time with and without my children. Both help me to appreciate the other.

No, not disdainful, more like - what’s the point discussing anything when you’re totally set on what you’re doing - I hardly care enough to hope that you don’t enjoy it!

This is the heart of it really. You don’t actually think they do enjoy it, or you suspect they might not, but will send them anyway, even though you don’t have to.

I’ve said at least three times now I posted in a bit of an absent minded mum feeling guilty sort of way. If anyone’s going to come out of childcare it will be my older one but the threads fixated on the little one and so I have ended up feeling I’ve had to defend my position on that.

Equally of course if you think the thread is pointless the ultimate pointless action is to continue posting on it.

No not at all

I did with both my children

Gave me a chance to catch up with life admin/paperwork, do some housework eg putting on washing machine/hanging it up/putting away and go round with the hoover

And also do some exercise/get down the gym

If there was the opportunity I would arrange to meet another friend eg for lunch

No issues, kids enjoyed/had fun no guilt about this (although my mum did try!) in summary no fucks given

Equally of course if you think the thread is pointless the ultimate pointless action is to continue posting on it.

Sounds like a good idea to take your own advice...

That wasn’t advice, it was an observation.

Let’s say it again for those at the back who obviously struggle to hear, it’s okay for mums to have a break!
Martyrdom isn’t better, women don’t need to be serving someone else all the time for their existence to be valid. They can have a few hours a week to themselves.

I'm a teacher. Have 1 child, expecting no. 2. I am using nursery during the summer. I feel guilty but also agree with the person who said you can't pour from an empty cup. You will be better able to be present with your children on the days you do have them when you have 2 / 3 days to yourself to get shitty household chores done, grocery shopping done, etc! Still plenty of time in the 4 / 5 days of the week to enjoy time together and make memories. You do you mam!

I'm in the minority here but I think yabu sending a 1 year old and 3 year old to nursery where they aren't that happy and you're currently off all week. Don't you want to spend extra time with your children when you can? Most people who have the school holidays off appreciate being able to spend more time with their children. It's sad leaving a 12 month old crying and walking away when you're off work and just going home etc.