To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

[lilacfield]

I probably know the answer but feel a bit guilty as both cried when I dropped them off. They go 3 days a week but I don’t work in school holidays.

I know some of you think I should resemble a hedge and have no friends BUT I won’t apologise for that

Why are you getting so defensive when you're the one who asked? 😂 the vast majority on this thread have said of course it's not bad, it's sad if you want validation because you feel insecure about your decision.

So I take my baby out, let her forget the staff, then resettle her in September only leading to further confusion and distress. My three year old is further pushed out as I drop him off and take his sister away. That’s in absolutely no one’s best interests. And you do know this.

@Grandmasswagbag well, I have only had one day so far. And that was just an afternoon as we did an activity in the morning. I was considering keeping them off the whole day but I was shattered to be honest. As it turned out I had to go and collect our other car from the garage with wfh DH then we had a quick lunch out together (it’s the first time we’ve been out together since may 23, a couple of months before DD was born so it was nice.) Then put some laundry away then went to get them.

Monday as I’ve said I have a hospital appointment. Thursday hair and Friday friends.

Then for the eight days I’ll have in August, I am planning the following

Clean and tidy the house and try to have a declutter / sort
go to a shopping outlet I’ve wanted to visit for a while
read some books
watch a box set or two
probably keep on top of things like daily cleaning and laundry a bit better.

I am sure some will disapprove. And I will feel guilty, I always do, but some of this stuff just needs doing and despite the finger wagging tones I do actually think they’re probably better at nursery than stuck in front of the TV while I do it.

@Tissyous I don’t actually think I’m being massively defensive, it goes to show how tone can be misinterpreted. That bold bit was ‘said’ in a fairly jovial tone.

I asked and sure some disagree. I do think the implications that I don’t really love my children because they go to nursery for two days a week for the one month a year I have off is a bit much though.

Dropping to 2 is a compromise

They still get the routine and you are paying for it

Dd7 goes to holiday club twice a week

1. as I work nights so need to sleep

Half terms are hard as don't put her into club as usually isn't one and i plough through the week

2. she generally enjoys going and making lovely crafts stuff

3. goes with friends from school so isn't alone

She has 5 other days with me and it's only 9/3 so still has me after 3 to do stuff - whether park - see a friend /family or go home and chill

Some put in 8/6 and 3/4/5 days and to me that's too much if not working

From someone who was either working or with one or both children for 6.5 years I can say it's very possible to burn out. If childcare set up allows for non working days without the DC then absolutely take it. Not only will the DC get a parent who is less likely to be teetering on the brink but household tasks and chores can be completed more efficiently leaving a more present parent when the DC are around.

If it's the child's usual routine, then do it for the first week or two, give your self some chance to catch-up with chores and have some down time for yourself.

Then look at reducing it down to 1 or 2 days a week for a few weeks and enjoy days with your child.

I was a SAHM for a few years, but I used to put my son into a setting once a week during the summer if there was places. He enjoyed it and it gave me a break.

I’m a teacher and my 6yo will be going to a holiday club 1/2 days a week for the next 3 weeks and 3yo will be going to nursery on the same days. It will allow me to finish some decorating at home and also do some school work/go in for results days. I could do those things with the 6yo around but it would be very boring for her! DDs have always been term time only at nursery and the nursery advice was to keep sending them for a few days in the summer hols to keep the routine. We go a bit later than normal and I often pick up earlier too but it has helped to keep them settled. My 3yo hates going and cries going in every day but once in, she settles within a few minutes and enjoys it. I feel guilty going home when I’m off but she needs to go when I’m at work so I think bringing her back home again would just make things worse in September! Enjoy the time to yourself op, sometimes it’s for everyone’s benefit.

I think you're doing the right thing - it's not like they're doing 8-6 every day and keeping them in the routine is really important.
When mine were small I did the same, in for two days when we were at home, unless there was a reason not to be. They actually liked it, to the extent that once they were in school they would sometimes be given the choice in the holidays, stay at home or go to daycamps and chose to go to daycamps! (They were never made to go.) Now at 16 my eldest is volunteering at daycamps in the hope that next year she can get a job there!

So I was talking about my older child in a holiday camp but both mine started nursery at around 13/14 months. Both did 3 days.

Makes no odds why your child is there as to how they settle or how much they enjoy it.

I agree it’s optimal for a child to stay home with their Mum or primary care giver until they’re 2-2.5, but there’s no denial it’s suboptimal for their Mum/primary care-giver to be burnt out and unhappy. If sometime in nursery means you’re a better, more mentally well parent then that’s absolutely right for your family.

I would also persevere with the settling in now you’ve started.

I think that very much depends on the mum @SunQueen24 !

Thanks for responses. As I’ve said they will mostly just be doing two days a week through the summer, it’s only this next week they are doing three. I think that’s probably a good balance.

I wouldn't have done this but I only had one dd so that is a big difference!

I think it's fine to give yourself chance to catch up.

Yeah I think youre pretty selfish to be honest. A 12 month old in nursery unnecessarily while you ‘sort your house out’ for three days a week? Really? Just how dirty are you as a family that it takes a solid three days of sorting every week? Nursery for a 12 month old has no benefit for them.

Filthy. But I’ll also be taking some time to myself, never fear.

I think it would be far more selfish to take DD out of nursery and resettle her. There is a possible argument for taking DS out to give him some one to one time but the insistence that it’s in a baby’s best interests to go somewhere for three weeks, out for six, back for good is baffling. That would be devastating from a settling point of view.

It really wouldn't be more selfish to keep your baby at home with you 😂. But it is your choice. Own your choice.

But I’ll also be taking some time to myself, never fear.
That was clear.

It’s not what I’d do, especially for a 1 year old, but whatever works for you. You seem quite sure of what you want to do, so not sure why you started the thread.

Actually, that is completely incorrect. There is no good scientific evidence of this.

Having a secure attachment to ba primary caregiver is essential. However, that does not mean that a child needs to be with the caregiver 24/7.

Wow, a few hours for two days a week for a few weeks in a year. Yes, OP, you sound have written a novel and sorted world peace in that time

More likely sort the laundry and nap!

I am surprised that people are fussing about DD actually - there is no way it would be sensible or kind to do 3 weeks in, 6 weeks out then there for the foreseeable.

There IS an argument for taking ds out and that’s where I possibly am being a bit selfish.

I made the mistake of taking my then 1yo out for a few days in a similar situation. Poor kid was so confused and unsettled, and was too young for me to explain.

I think it was a mistake sending them in at lunch time on Friday to be honest. I wanted to do something nice with them and give them a short day but it just meant they were all confused and bewildered.

Its a lovely nursery and I am very happy with the standard of care they provide and DS is learning lots (he starts school next September - so this is the last summer I’ll have some time without children!)

Same here. What's the point of this thread?

I

Again - what then is the point of this thread when you've already decided? For validation of what you've already decided, clearly

Honestly it's fine, you don't need to convince yourself or have approval from strangers on the Internet. If you're seeking this then perhaps it's better to ask yourself if you're truly okay and happy with your decision?

Ha, I remember starting a similar thread back I the day. It was actually really useful in confirming my decision, as all the arguments against my decision seemed to be based on sentiment rather than personal experience or evidence.