To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

[lilacfield]

I probably know the answer but feel a bit guilty as both cried when I dropped them off. They go 3 days a week but I don’t work in school holidays.

My thinking is if you work term time you probably can't choose holiday time to have child free days off like everyone else. I have taken a few of my holiday days while kids are at school and my husband is at work just to have a me day where I can do whatever I like!

Also they aren't doing long days and are at home more than nursery. They probably have a great time once they are there.

The ones I always feel for at our nursery are the 5 days a week 8-6 (and not a minute earlier) children who never miss a day even if parents are home from work or on maternity leave.

I think ideally they wouldn't be in childcare when you are not working over the summer, particularly the one year old, particularly if they are crying when you drop them off 😢

I think it would be more upsetting for them to have their routine disrupted only for them to have to resettle at nursery all over again after the summer holidays.

Crying at drop off doesn't mean they are miserable all day either, they are usually fine a few minutes later.

I'm a teacher with a 17, 14 and 4 yo of my own. My little one can't go to her preschool in the hols as it's term-time only, but, personally speaking, I would find 3 days per week a bit much. If I had the option to I would put her in for one, max two per week.
I just feel like I never get a break!

I quite liked the relaxed not having to rush around in the mornings vibe of the summer holidays.

I think it would be more upsetting for them to have their routine disrupted only for them to have to resettle at nursery all over again after the summer holidays

This was never a problem for all the kids I know with teacher parents (including 4 of my nieces). It’s the kind of thing parents do like to think to reassure themselves though.

And it’s highly unlikely that OP’s kid would need to resettle at all if they were still in nursery 1-2 days a week as opposed to the 2-3 that she plans.

If they were older and going to a summer club you wouldn’t question it. It’s hard to find activities for 6 weeks and to get anything done.

I did know someone though who would send her youngest to childcare full time in the summer hols and kept her elder child at home. Her mum paid her nursery fees for the younger one so she decided she would use it regardless. She then took the older one out on day trips/cinema. The younger child was 3 so knew what was going on and cried every day. It was incredibly mean.
She also used to pick the older one up from school at 3pm and leave the younger one in nursery until 6pm because ‘it was paid for’.

As a ft teacher with a young child myself I totally understand why some sort of break is needed. We don't get that at all in term-time.
I would put my little one (4) in one day a week if I could, at a stretch two, but not three.

Totally fine and my elder one will go through the summer holidays for half day sessions and has been throughout my maternity leave. Zero guilt from me

Mine are going to holiday camp twice a week throughout the holidays, even when I am off - I want to keep up my gym routine, and also want them to have a great time and burn off their energy with their friends as we are not going on holiday this summer. No-one would be happy if we all spent every waking hour of the holidays together!

Guessing you’re not talking about a 1 year old here?

That doesn't mean it is never a problem for some children. Some children thrive on routines and summers with routines potentially getting disrupted can be unsettling.

I'm not a teacher but it's a reason why mine continued with nursery when I was on maternity leave.

My DH is a teacher and technically they could stay with him but we keep up their nursery routine but they go for 3 days and not 5 (although we still pay for 5) in holidays except August when it’s closed and we take our family holiday. It keeps their routine going, they see their friends and teachers, and DH gets time to work on the house and garden etc that he wouldn’t be able to do if they were around.

Sure but this is nothing to do with what is good for her kids - it’s what OP wants because she struggles to look after both at once. She hasn’t suggested that they would have any issues with not being there at all, and she also doesn’t need to stop sending them completely.

Also the mat leave situation is different I think because the parent isn’t “off” but caring for another child and recovering from the birth, sleepless nights etc. Here OP just wants multiple days a week to herself.

I never sent mine during my 9 weeks summer holidays and they always settled back in fine in September. I enjoyed the time off with them and all my friends are also teachers so meet ups revolved around playgrounds and parks with their kids.

Enjoy the time off and properly relax! You deserve it.

It's not all week and it's shorter days.

I am an adult and I hate big routine changes! I really miss the usual things that go on and people I see when the summer starts, so totally understand those kids 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t work Thursday mornings (my night shift day) and I always take our kid to the toddler group/coffee morning at our church. I was actually so emotional when we had our last session for 6 weeks. The vicar has become such a close friend in the last few years
and I love the grannies who come in with their grandchildren and we share stories. I’ll miss them all. Sure I’ll forget when we get to go on holiday haha

Even with 3 days a week, which OP says aren't full days, they will still be with OP the majority of the time.

If OP is struggling to look after both at once, surely 3 days a week at nursery and 4 days at home with a less frazzled mum is what is good for her kids?

Under 3 unless absolutley necessary children should be no where near a profit making private nursery.

3 and above, well that is the correct age for nursery to begin, so is perfectly fine, preferably in a council run one though, which are generally better educationally and have far better qualified staff.

You need some time off, too! You are still spending plenty of extra time with your kids over the summer. Doing holiday things with the kids is nice, but it is definitely not a rest for you.

If you've got jobs at home that bed doing, sometimes it's best to get them done when the kids are out of the house

I'd only do this if I was sick.

What hyperbole. What are you basing this on?

Most mums do this in my area, many of them are sahm (including me) or don't work during school holidays. I've sent my dcs to preschool from age 2 (5 mornings) until they were old enough for school nursery and during school holidays they did activity camps from reception age. I don't really see it as childcare, but a nice way for them to try or continue with activities and socialise with dc their own age. If you can afford it, it's a good way to keep them busy.

Well yes, but OP having a few days' break is good for the kids. Working plus kids is exhausting, especially if there's no grandparent/family support.

I found I was a far more engaged, interested parent if I had a day to myself every now and then. Two days a week in daycare over summer isn't that much, especially when you consider that the kids will probably do shorter days, and there's the whole pick up and drop off to do.

I wouldn't do it personally (and I do have a child in nursery plus one in primary school!) I've bought extra Annual Leave and in the 6wks holidays am having 2 full weeks off and 2 weeks where I only work 2 days, I want to spend as much time with both of mine as I can. So if I'm off the little one won't be going to nursery, apart from 1-2 days total where I'm taking her older brother somewhere that she wouldn't want.
Surely that's one of the perks of working term time, you get to spend every summer and other holidays together?
I can understand wanting a day to yourself but 2-3 every single week seems awful when you could be with them, I'd give anything to have had that with mine. You don't get many summers with them before they're grown up.