To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

[lilacfield]

I probably know the answer but feel a bit guilty as both cried when I dropped them off. They go 3 days a week but I don’t work in school holidays.

Mine (2yo) currently goes three days a week and I’m currently not working - I freelance and I have to have the childcare option for when I do work which is probably about half the year? If I don’t have any work booked I usually pick him up early and get him in late and occasionally don’t take him in.

His nursery is excellent and the waiting list is long, plus he’s settled so I don’t like messing around with his routine. The freelancing thing is relatively recent so I do feel very guilty compared to when I had a permanent role!

I think I'd be OK with this and not feel guilty. I do, however, remember being taken out for the whole of summer (usually spent 3 months with my young grandparents who lived abroad by the beach). As a child, I found it difficult to get up early enough for the nursery so it was nice to have a more relaxed routine at home. No issues going back as far as I can remember.
So from that perspective, it is hugely individual whether your kids need a break or not. But from your perspective as a mother, if it makes your time with them more enjoyable - there is no shame in sending them in.

We had similar with holiday club and after school club - big complaints if we collected them even five minutes early and ruin their time with their friends. Was good to know they were happy and enjoying themselves.

Not bad at all. Opportunity for your children to be sociable, have some routine.

Going against the grain here clearly but I wouldn’t do this and none of the teachers I know did this either - possibly for financial reasons though as they had term time nursery places.

Even if you wanted to have 1 day to yourself you could still have 2 days having fun with your kids. I work full time and would do anything to have the chance for an extended break with mine. The 1 yo especially is so little to be in nursery.

My 3 year old is another who says being home with me and baby is boring and wants to go into nursery

im on maternity leave and only have 3 year old once a week

It’s paid for anyway I assume?

The thing is, they may think they want to stay at home but they’d soon get bored. They’ll appreciate the time off more if it’s actually “off” something, not all day every day.

We had workers yesterday around the house. I sent the youngst child to holiday wrap around whatever called from 10-15.30 (opening time)
We could send her all holiday - it's paid upfront as a part of the wrap around all year offer. It's no free. We are home next week. If she wants to go it's fine. If so she does (most likely not she likes a few quite days) it's 6 days out of all the holiday weeks.
I have no regrets.

My thought on it is children need breaks too. Nursery is busy and full on and depending on length of days a bit like being at work. We can always tell when children could do with some down time just to be with their families.

I'd factor in a couple weeks where they can be home with you if they usually do full days.

Ds1 went to nursery 2 days a week from aged 2.5 to 4. Ds2 is disabled and it gave ds1 a chance to not have to be at the hospital/physio/health visitor etc for 2 days.

No

I think it's good to keep their routine.

Might get harder as they get older and realise you're not working though.

Kids are experts in making parents feel guilty.

If you can ithout upsetting the other... have a special individual Mummy each.

You. Cannot. Pour. From. An. Empty. Cup.

No - you would be doing them a disservice not to take time to recharge.

It’s not bad but I wouldn’t put them in for all three days.

My younger two cried at drop off from
Ages 1 to 2. I stalked their room and as soon as I was out of sight they were all smiles and playing (wee sods). Sometimes mums need a break too

Thanks all. @JumpinJellyfish the thing is, they do have three days with just me for all of August plus weekends, every day with something fun and I start to run out of stuff especially as the baby isn’t walking yet, it can be tricky managing fun days out that don’t end in tears!

I thought they were in nursery 3 days? Tbh I would still use the time to have 1-1 with each child, which is really precious and difficult to achieve normally.

I had mat leave with my second during covid lockdown so had no childcare at all for my eldest (2.5 year gap) and it was tough but also some amazing times. I would though have really loved the chance to have 1-1 time with them as I had them both 24/7. I could play with dc1 when the baby napped but it was often hard to give the baby 1-1 without making dc2 jealous.

As I said, now that I work full time I would do anything for the chance to have lots of time with the kids. I’m scrabbling together annual leave to see them as much as I can. My eldest is 6 and is already wanting to spend less time with me than he did as a 3yo. It really goes so fast.

Anyway, sounds like you’ve made up your mind.

I do say in my second post that it’s two days a week from August.

I’ve had a year on maternity with the little one and I’ve had plenty of time with just her. It would be nice to have 1:1 with my older one but he misses her and asks where she is

I do feel a bit sorry for some children who are up and out to our nursery at
8 am - 6pm while their teacher parents are at home with other siblings during school holidays. Yeah it’s good to keep routine but children are small for only a short period of time and for me making memories with parents and siblings is more important.

I have so many memories of summer holidays with my children.

Mine have never been 8-6, even when I work. It’s half four at the latest when at work and it’s generally about 845-4. It does make me feel guilty, but equally, if you are remembering the holidays with your parents chances are that you were older than my children. And therefore not quite as intense

Apologies, misunderstood your last sentence but overall I still think you can have memories without every single day being spent together. I’m convincing myself, I know.

You asked for opinions @lilacfield - but I think you really just want validation.

You find it tough with both of them so you’d rather put them in childcare for some of the time. That is definitely enough justification - you don’t need to pretend that it is preferable for the kids. It isn’t - no 1 and 3 yo would rather be in nursery than with their mum - but that doesn’t mean it is detrimental to them in any way either. Just own your decision.

Posted in a moment of feeling guilty really @harrietm87 . And to be fair a few posters are replying as if they are in five days a week 8-6, and they aren’t, not even when I’m working.

Yes well if you’ve made up your mind to do it then don’t waste the energy feeling guilty about it - just a waste of time.

There is always something to feel guilty about as a parent.

I wouldn’t do it personally for the 1yo because I don’t like nurseries before preschool age, but I worked full time (and had a nanny) so Im sure I should feel guilty about that.