To ask if it’s bad to send your children to childcare when you’re not working?

[lilacfield]

I probably know the answer but feel a bit guilty as both cried when I dropped them off. They go 3 days a week but I don’t work in school holidays.

As long as you do stuff with them the rest of the week x

Mine goes to nursery one day a week in the holidays.
I'd do more but we don't get the free hours in the school holidays so it costs more.
Otherwise I'd probably do two and that would be enough of a break for me.

She's said two days a week. If you assume 6 hour days (which is probably a long day for school holidays) that's only 7% of the week. I think "awful" is a bit strong.

Yes childhoods are short, but having the emotional reserves to enjoy them are super important.

I do actually think it would be very unsettling to take the little one out as she didn’t start long ago. My three year old would probably appreciate not going but he does learn a lot at nursery.

Children or enrichment? My son loves the holiday camps and he catches up with the friends he made at nursery who have all now gone to different schools.

I do work. Next term I am starting contract work and don’t have a contract yet but am sending my preschooler to preschool 4 days as I’ll still qualify for the free hours (my earnings over the year still sufficient) and I need to retain his place. I cannot wait for a couple of weeks peace!

Just enjoy it while you can and try not to feel guilty, if you only work term time you will have many summers to come of entertaining them when they are school age. Also good to keep them in a routine if it's only a few days a week, especially for the 1 year old as might need settling all over again with a summer off.

It wouldn’t be unsettling to take her out - she would be delighted.

You might have to settle her back in in September, but she’ll be a little older then. Nurseries are not great places for 1 year olds. They’re just not. When they are essential for child care it is perfectly understandable but there is no way I would be putting my baby in if I didn’t absolutely have to.

My 5 year old finished school for the summer 2 days ago. And is already asking when she is starting back as she misses school!

I’d send them as you may lose your place otherwise. I wouldn’t have sent mine before 3 if I wasn’t working though like some do. Not least because they caught everything and I’d have felt awful they were so sick constantly when I wasn’t working during nursery time.

All these pps talking about holiday camps etc are obviously talking about much older kids - my 6yo is in holiday camp some of these holidays through choice because he wants to be with his friends.

That is a completely different scenario from a 1 and 3yo who are struggling at drop off and who 100% would rather be with their mum and would do much better with their mum. There are socialisation benefits of nursery from 2.5/3 but there are no benefits before this.

@harrietm87 she’s 12 months now, she’d be 13 months when ‘returned.’ It would be extremely unsettling to go in for 3 weeks out for 6 and then back again. I don’t think anyone would advise that as a sensible decision.

three year old yes he’s enjoy time with me. But he does learn a lot from nursery, and I am desperate to sort the house out.

I won’t lose my place if I don’t send them as long as I pay for it.

I mean, would the littlest one be better off with her Mum at home? Yes. But if you really need the mental space YANBU. It would be much better just to have them there for say, two mornings a week, so the environment is still familiar to them, but spend more quality time with them in the week.

Wait…so she’s only been at nursery for 3 weeks?

Just take her out and start her again in September. Far better to have 1 week of settling and 6 weeks more with her mum. The inconvenience is all on you - don’t dress it up as concern for her.

Harriet I do think you’re being a bit provocative here. That would hugely hold back the settling process. Hugely. I’m not actuallt
convinced you’re genuine.

I find it a completely bizarre decision that you put her in nursery at all rather than waiting until the end of the summer holidays if she’s only been there 3 weeks.

She won’t have properly settled in at all yet so it will make no difference taking her out. Either she won’t remember it when she goes back (which is probably a good thing) or she will remember it and settling will be quicker.

12 months is absolutely tiny. Yes it might be hard work for you but you’re her mother.

Of course it's not 'bad', they're somewhere safe and you can have a break. Personally I would do shorter days or something, especially for a 1 year old but we are all different. Settling wouldn't be an issue if they did less over the holidays, you don't need excuses to make yourself feel better when you aren't doing anything wrong in the first place.

Not at all bad, I'm at home the majority of the time and our youngest has been going into nursery 2 days a week since he was 18 months. He'll be going full time school hours at nursery in September to set him up and prepare him for school in 2025. I've never felt bad about it he's a clingy boy and it has been good for him and me to have a time apart where he could grow into his own person without me fussing or doing things for him and I've had time to reset the house and do admin stuff that's difficult with a child in tow which has meant our weekends are for family time rather than catching up on stuff. I've just made the most of it as when he goes to school I will be looking to either go back to work or retrain and study full time. You will likely find that a few minutes after you leave them crying they will be playing happily, enjoy your alone time and find something productive to do in that time which makes life easier and calmer when your all at home together.

@lilacfield I disagree with you so I’m
not a genuine poster?

The “settling process” will be different for every child. Your baby clearly hasn’t properly settled yet and you have no idea how long it will take. You may well find that it takes her 6 more weeks of crying at drop off whereas if you took her out now and started her again in September then the extra maturity and time with you might mean she settles in a few days. No one can say.

But what is definitely true is that it would be better for her to spend 6 more weeks full time with you than in a nursery, being cared for by minimum wage staff who do not love her in a room full of other babies.

I find it bizarre people would take her out. It goes to show we’re all different. She’s only just in this last week not been crying at drop off - I really don’t want to have to settle her and go through this again in September.

@harrietm87 one thing I’ve discovered with MN is some people are just anti nursery. They just disapprove of it as a form of childcare so will always be dogmatically opposed to people using it. This seems to be one of those cases. Luckily I am confident that she is cared for, comforted when upset and her needs are met when she’s there - which isn’t full time.

They are normally there Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. As it is they’ll only be going Thursdays and Fridays from next week - they are going Monday because unfortunately I really do have to go somewhere myself Monday, it’s a long awaited hospital appointment (nothing serious) but then Thursday I’m having my hair done and Friday I’m meeting friends. I know some of you think I should resemble a hedge and have no friends BUT I won’t apologise for that. It’s more the days for mundane sorting the house out and relaxing and catch up with sleep it’s hard not to feel guilty about - and of course some MNetters are keen to oblige!

I think it's fine but I'd send the for shorter days in the holidays. You'll have time to do stuff but it will be less tiring for them.

Probably a lot more tiring at home - especially for the baby, she doesn’t tend to get much peace with a rambunctious three year old around

@lilacfield im not anti nursery - provided it’s a good nursery (as I’m sure this one is) it’s fine for childcare when necessary to enable parents to work. It is a good thing for kids to go once they are about 2.5 and can start to make friends and learn to follow instructions in a group.

For a 1 year old who does not need to be there - no. It is massively inferior to being with a parent. And you do know this.

Absolutely not! What do you do all day ? Mine are older now and I'm juggling work over the holidays and have realised just how little time I'll get to spend with them. They are only little for such a short time. You'll blink and you miss it.

I personally think for nursery aged children it’s better to stick to the routine. It’s much harder for them to understand why they aren’t in nursery random days, or for a few weeks and then they need to settle again!
When they’ve gotten to school they can understand these concepts better.

As for all the ‘it’s so awful for them to be in nursery 2 days a week, don’t you want to see them?’ comments… if it’s so awful to be away from your children for any length of time why don’t you home educate? You don’t have to send them to school either and yet you choose to do it unnecessarily.

if it’s so awful to be away from your children for any length of time why don’t you home educate? You don’t have to send them to school either and yet you choose to do it unnecessarily

because - as you say yourself:

When they’ve gotten to school they can understand these concepts better.

What suits a baby is different from a 2 yo, a 4yo, a 6yo, a teen. Babies and children’s needs change.

OP’s baby has only been in this nursery 3 weeks so doesn’t have a routine yet. She might not even remember it if she starts again in September. Or if she does remember it then what’s the harm? I know some kids who needed to “settle in” every time they came back from a 1 week holiday, yet no one ever suggested their parents shouldn’t go on holiday.

This settling thing is a complete red herring - OP has latched on to it now to justify her choices but hadn’t mentioned it at all until pps did.