Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

[Lollen]

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

I work with people experiencing Domestic Abuse and would absolutely consider the OP to be in an abusive relationship.

This is the value in calling Refuge's national domestic abuse helpline. The advisors will listen, without judgement but also let you know whether, in their professional opinion, you are experiencing domestic abuse. They can also provide you with details of your local domestic abuse service if needed.
0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Have a look on the website to better understand what domestic abuse looks like OP. I think you may be surprised at some of the similarities you see.

Move out, dump him, find someone you can actually live with instead.

Yes totally abusive relationship.
He's s selfish prick addicted to weed.
He'll sap all your energy and self esteem.

You are not damaged or broken -he's an abuser.
He's the reason your inner strength is compromised.
Leave him and your power will come back.
Find a way to move out.

He has taken advantage of your good and kind nature.

Weed smokers do have anger problems a lot of the time. I couldn't be with one. Just leave him

I wouldn’t wait to save to move, as he will likely get nastier or try to prevent you from being able to move. He is quite comfortable making threats and wants his way or the highway. Can you move back to where your Family and friends are? Can you call family and talk about your situation ?

If you don't move out now you'll be back here in five years time with two children and in a significantly worse situation.

Would be best if you move out. You can't make him stop.

Please look for a room as a lodger for now, then start applying for jobs near where you have family. You can do it. You have to get out of this man's house.

Your mental health is not going to improve while you are with him, so please don't wait until you feel stronger to leave.

It's your home too and as a paying tennant he may not be able to kick you out. He's very manipulative to lord over the housing situation everytime you get in an argument after presenting it as your home as well.

You deserve better than being treated like this. How much rent do you pay out of curiosity?
Please move out ASAP and follow others advice....I understand you are not in a good place but staying will make it worse.

Thank you🤍

I agree, thank you 🤍🤍

How utterly putrid. Move out.

I couldn't stand that. Smoke lingers and stinks.
If it's his house though, you can't stop him smoking in it.
I'd be moving out.

Nonsense.

Are you close to your sisters OP? Will they help you to find a way to move out? It really is imperative that you do. Good luck - you will need courage but the chances are you're far stronger than you think.

Given that you are paying him rent, and you have contributed to the house re furnishings- he really should be kinder and willing to take on board what you’re saying- especially when it pertains to you health aswell (2nd hand smoke). Getting angry and telling you it’s his house and to get out is beyond disrespectful and nasty. I think you should take him up on his word and leave. Paying rent affords you stability of a place to live- landlords cannot throw you out just at their whim. Honestly take you rent elsewhere and look for somewhere without him