Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

[Lollen]

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

The plan was once I had the money I would be put onto the mortgage. I was told this would be my ‘home’ too.

You are being abused by him.
Look for a room and move out. Screw him for the rent, leave him owing if necessary to get out.
Ring the police if he gets aggressive.
Contact family and tell them what's going on.
See if they are old friends know of a room.
He has you exactly where he wants you.
Please call Womens aid for support.

He smokes at least 6 joints per day. If he hasn’t had a smoke he becomes agitated and angry. Apologies, didn’t mean to offend, I know lots of people who smoke too and are lovely people. i dont know anyone who smokes to the extent that he does hence why i think its caused some kind of imbalance in his brain. It’s sad really because he used to be a lovely person.

Ltb

thank you i appreciate this. I think you’re right ❤️

Sounds awful, move out and take what you paid for with you!

I absolutely couldn't live like that. As it's his house, I'd pack up and leave.

It's his house sadly. If he wants to inflict his horrible habit on everyone else, he can sadly.

I'd get my own place or a room for now and take what you're bought with you and give them a febreeze.

This 100 percent.

joints?!?! Moody? And now the pattern fits...

There is no point having a relationship with someone like this. Don't waste your life.

How has he isolated her and made her dependent on him? I don't see any post form the OP that points that way.

He sounds grim - so is the smoking. You deserve better.

You can’t change what he does in his own home and also anyone who smokes inside doesn’t give a fuck about the other people who live with them.

Move out and bin him.

It's his house, if you dont like it move out. Why would you want to live with someone who cant keep his temper?

Couldn't stand it.
Your right everything must stink. Hair, clothes, furniture. Why does he want to smell like that?
Not healthy or nice.
He should go.outside or give up.

Or she could leave.

this

I have moved my life to be here with him. We were renting then he decided he wanted to buy a house and I was not financially ready so he went ahead and bought it. My family and friends are far away so I don’t have a support system all I have is him. My job is here too which I’m doing well in.
every time we argue he threatens to kick me out.

Can’t you see how vicious this man is? He.threatens.to.kick.you.out.

The only thing stopping you moving out is you.

Is this REALLY what you want for a boyfriend and potential father of your kids? A guy that clearly doesn't respect you!

It's not hard. Just go onto spareroom websites, find a short term room to rent near your work and MOVE OUT.

You can then decide to look for another job back up near your friends and family, or make some new friends.

How can you have lived there for so long and have no friends?

A house share would be better than this. Start to look for one straight away. This isn't going to get any better, he will just completely wear you down.

But it was your choice to move surely? How did he manipulate you?

i know this but I’ve been with him for 10 years. Things have been good but it’s only the last year or so since moving into his owned home that things have got this bad. I do have friends here but they are his friend’s girlfriends. I have been struggling a lot with my mental health and I do not feel I’m strong enough yet to go it alone. I know it doesn’t make any sense but I’m not in a good place.

Well if this is the situation then you need to move out. Your boyfriend has all the power and you can never feel secure. I'd rather rent a room in a shared house than live in such a precarious situation.

This