Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

[Lollen]

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

The reason that you have no money to move is that you are paying his mortgage and you are buying decor for his house.

This. He won't make you happy.

Can't understand why you're with him at all

He must stink too

So you don’t even know how much of the mortgage you have been covering for him?

Mate, you need to get out. This man is destroying you.

Oh. There's way more to it

You need to move back home. Can you go back to parents till you're sorted?

It's going to get worse

And please, stay away from people like him in the future. There's better out there

Then why can't you go back home?

Start job hunting back there

He knows that I’m quite isolated and always threatens to kick me out when we have rows. It’s making me feel really low and alone.

Oh he's really done a number on you hasn't he?

Have you spoken to your parents about this?

If you were my DD I'd be down to collect you and your possessions in a heartbeat

Talk to them and get out!

No idea! He won’t tell me x

I agree you should move out.

However, women's aid is a limited resource. Other than smoking against your wishes, I don't see any real abusive behaviour.

Unless there is more to the story, there isn't any controlling behaviour, no violence etc. He only gets shirty when you ask him not to smoke and honestly, being his house, he can do what he wants. It isn't nice, I don't disagree with that. But not sure it's a women's aid issue.

Only you really know the answer to that.

I'm assuming the point of your paying rent isn't in order to live in a walk-in ashtray. With any commercial lease, this would violate the terms since it makes the house unlivable just as a broken heating system or lack of running water would. At a minimum I'd halve my rent payments OP.

You're not compatable op - l couldn't be with a smoker epseically one that smokes indoors

Leave.. He doesn't love you, find someone who does.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who smoked full stop, especially weed. It stinks and is a disgusting habit.

You says most of my posts were goady, then said you'd not read them! So did you read them or not? Or just lash out?

Low standards accepting that type of neighbour, but I'd hazard a guess you are the same kind of neighbour.

Not for me, I'm much more considerate and not got the type of neighbour you have.

Much too low class for me.

This is a form of financial abuse op. Won't tell you what your paying towards? Who on earth does he think he is.

Maybe because they’ll report him to the police? I have new neighbours, bloke made a shit first impression by smoking weed in the garden on his first day-they haven’t moved in yet, doing an extension. My DH had to mention that driving back to his current house is a reportable offence as he’d be under the influence.

I’m concerned that you weren’t part of the house purchase. He has you isolated and is now doing whatever he wants. You say this is the tip of the iceberg. Do you have any support from family as in they’d pay a deposit/rent if you were to move out?

I dont think he is abusive. Yes he's mean, bad tempered, not behaving like a partner should but none of that is illegal and he can smoke in his own home if he wishes to.
He has no power over OP. She is free to leave at any time. If she doesn't then she cant complain because she is choosing to stay in a situation which she finds unpleasant.

Bloody hell, this just gets worse! If you know how much he paid for the house, you can probably work out how much the monthly mortgage payments are-find a similarly priced property for sale, it usually says near the bottom of the advert how much the mortgage is per month. I guarantee he’s making you pay more than you should, so he’s probably financially abusing you too!

How does that show that he manipulated her into being isolated?

She may have voluntarily moved away from her family and friends. He may have manipulated her.

There is no way of knowing from her posts.

@Bluebirdover hm I think your comprehension skills are lacking. I never said I didn't read them. Go back and remind yourself, then try again.

You speak of class as if you have it, which is of surprise to me, as you're yet to display it.

He’s a drug addict - simple as that. It won’t get better. Make your plans to leave and stop paying him rent so you have some money. And then leave him and never look back. You deserve so much better than this vile man.

There is no set amount that she should pay, there is no contract between them, he is asked for certain amount of money and she agreed to give it to him.
She ought to have thought it through and realized that he was being unfair. Unfortunately she was naive but now she knows he's being unfair she can move out and live somewhere where the rent and the living conditions are more to her liking.
He is not financially abusing her, he has no financial power over her.

I disagree, although maybe he’s Mr Charity and charges her way under, but I bet my bottom dollar that he’s overcharging her. Why else would he refuse to tell her how the mortgage comes to? I’d call that financial abuse.

He has purchased furniture for the house that I’m expected to pay half of. He has paid for it all outright and has said that I ‘owe him money’
hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know I’ve been naive but I’ve just come here to gain some kind of perspective. I have no parents all I have are my friends and my sisters. My support network is very small and I feel as though it’s been made smaller since living here so far away. I have free will, I know that, but when you’ve been in a relationship since your teens up until late 20s, he is all I have known.

Yes he is overcharging her (very probably)
No he isn't financially abusing her.
He isn't financially abusing her because he has no power over her, she can go and rent somewhere else.
If your landlord put the rent up would you say that he was financially abusing you or would you say that's too expensive I'm going to go and rent somewhere else.
Why is this situation any different?