Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

[Lollen]

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

Spareroom. Find a house share..

If you are paying him rent you should just move out and take shared lodging elsewhere. Sell all the soft furnishings and rip up the carpet when you go.

YABU if you stay with this loser. Please rent somewhere else. Good luck.

When you say nosey neighbours, do you mean people complaining about the stink? Hardly nosey neighbours.

OP, the mood swings are the reason to leave him,

Tell him you will not move out until he has paid you back in full for the carpet and soft furnishings.

If up-in-smoke carries on whinging, tell him to shut his smoke hole and cough up the money he owes you so you can move on.

@Bluebirdover well well well, we meet again 😂

He sounds controlling and abusive. He's a drug addict and is emotionally and financially abusing you. You have been isolated from your friends and family. He threatens to kick you out. I would be moving out as soon as you can manage it. He's bought a house and obviously just wants to use you to pay his mortgage. Cut your losses OP. Can friends or family offer you a roof over your head until you get sorted with somewhere else to live. Can you get yourself out safely.

You don’t have to put up with anything if you don’t want to. You can break up with him.

He wants to be seen to be a good person. Cunts often do.

How many posts have I done here?

Please, please keep count for me, won't you!

Then say they are all wrong, but then say you've not read them?

And inflicting your sticky weed on neighbours doesn't make them "nosey", does it?

Gross behaviour, habits and respect for you. Leave.

*stinky

Date a non smoker next time. Move out and move on up.

He is abusive, isolated you then threatens to make you homeless, whilst slowly killing you with 2nd gand smoke and ruining things you bought to make place nicer

Move out and dump him. I would consider someone smoking in my living environment to be abusive, doesn’t matter if he owns it.

@Bluebirdover

How many posts have I done here?
3
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Please, please keep count for me, won't you!*
I don't need to, the app does that.
*
Then say they are all wrong, but then say you've not read them?*
I never said your posts were wrong or that I didn't read them, I'm not sure where you've pulled that from. I said you were goady and condescending and that still stands.
*
And inflicting your sticky weed on neighbours doesn't make them "nosey", does it?*
I personally don't give a shit what my neighbours smoke in their homes or gardens, I don't tend to interfere.

When he's in a good mood?

Did anyone ever tell you that life is FAR too short for boyfriends like this?!?!

Seriously, take his advice and move out!

He's a drug addict, yuck.
OP please call women's aid, they can provide you with somewhere to stay

His house, he can do as he pleases in it. Sounds like you aren't suitable together

I was going to say it's his house and presumably you knew he smoked when you moved in, so it's your issue and you'll need to move out. But seeing your updates, it's clear that smoking inside is a recent thing and not something you would have been aware was going to start happening. It's also pretty awful that he now owns a house (strengthening his position) while you are now in a far more precarious position than when you were renting as joint tenants. He uses this against you and threatens you with being kicked out whenever he is unhappy.

If I were you I would remove his power over you and decide yourself to move out under your own terms. He's very quickly shown you what sort of person he is and he won't improve. I once lived in a BFs flat and not once did he ever tell me to move out if we disagreed on anything. People stay in relationships under the hope that things will get better, but that hope is rarely realised. Leave while it is technically quite easy to do as you are not married, do not co-own property and don't have children. Once any of the above happen, splitting up is so much harder.

The smoking indoors is horrible, as you know. Someone else said loads of people smoke, but not in their homes ! This isn't the 70's anymore, it's rank to smoke indoors.
He sounds like a twat full stop, threatening to kick you out is control. Can you possibly get a loan for a deposit on your own place ?

Move out, there's no future in this relationship. He thinks smoking is more important than you are!

Why are you in a relationship with a smoker?

He must be an idiot to smoke when he knows it will kill him.

Just get rid.

Well as it is his own home (but why you didn't buy it jointly with him is another matter) I can't see that you can call the shots.

He should reimburse you for the stuff you bought for his house so you can move out.

I don't think your relationship should continue under the circumstances. You're not in tandem with each other.

it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.

No. It's his personality. I know lots of people who partake of the occasional joint, me included. We don't act like that, no.