Boyfriend smokes in the house and gets angry when I ask him not to.

[Lollen]

A little bit of background I live with my boyfriend who owns the house we live in. I do not own the house but I do pay rent.
today like many other times I’ve come home from work & the house stinks of smoke. I’ve bought all of the soft furnishings (rugs, cushions etc) and the landing/upstairs is fully carpeted. Today I said very politely that it smells of smoke and he has hit the roof and told me I have to move out. He said it’s his house he can do what he wants. I just feel so sad. I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything. My clothes smell of smoke, my hair, everything.
it’s worth noting that we have a lovely garden that he can smoke in so it’s not like he has nowhere to do it.
it may be worth pointing out that he smokes 🍃 so I think this has an impact on his mood& temper.
i don’t think he will ever quite even though he’s promised me that he will.

What kind of relationship is this when he favours stinking cigarettes over you and tells you you can leave. Any decent person would smoke outside. He can't love you very much.
My H said kindly before our wedding I'm sorry I don't think I can move into a house that smells of cigarettes 24/7, I'll have to live out.
So I started off by smoking in the garden and then gave up. Best thing I ever did.
Does he have any idea how disgusting cigarettes are to a non smoker?
It's hardly a huge sacrifice to step outside is it? He just can't be bothered.
I am divorced now but it was for completely different reasons.

You will have to work out somewhere else to go, you can't live like this. Can you move back to family for a while?

Why have you accepted being treated so poorly by this man? You deserve much much better than him and his wankery. And so do you soft furnishings. Have a think about what you want your life to look like and then make it happen, bit by bit.

When I thought it was his original home, that he first owned and you had moved in to, then I thought it was unreasonable of you to ask him to stop. I smoke and do it outside. Then a poster pointed out it is weed, and I certainly couldn't tolerate someone smoking weed inside my home (whether I rented or owned). Your update says you have rented together previously but now because he owns it (and you are his lodger!!), he can do as he likes. Fuck that!

YANBU, and I would move out and split up. Definitely it is live apart territory and reassess.

sadly I can’t due to work. I am trying to save up to get some money behind me it’s just taking some time.

You've moved in with an abuser, he's isolated you, made you dependent on him and threatens to make you homeless.

At the very least stop paying rent, save what you can and get out. Shelter or Women's Aid may be able to provide advice and support.

Thank you❤️

Plus he now owns a house, and you don't. He didnt even bother to include you in his house plans, other than as a tenant, to pay his mortgage. You are in a very vulnerable position if he decides to evict you.

Thank you- my self worth and self esteem are so low at the moment & I know I am making a fool out of myself by putting up with it all. It’s just very hard to pull myself out ❤️

I agree😞❤️

Your boyfriend is a drug using control freak with no respect for you.

Why do you allow him to treat you like this?

Move out

I completely agree with you that it's disgusting, but his house and you won't be able to stop him. Best extract yourself from a relationship with a weed smoker with a temper now, at any rate, before you get further embedded.

There is no future in this unless you want to be with weed smoking, selfish man who doesn't love you. Move out OP.

Move out. Seriously.

He puts his convenience above your comfort and health. That's never going to change and it's going to become a bigger and bigger problem until you eventually crack.

Plenty of people who smoke are clean and mindful of their home and wouldn't dream of smoking indoors.

Your boyfriend is grubby and has made it clear that smoking indoors and having his home smell like an ashtray is perfectly acceptable to him.

That's fine, but you (and I for that matter) find it disgusting and therefore it's time to say goodby to fag ash Bill and move out.

Move out! He will not change.
The health consequences of passive smoking should motivate you. Never mind the weed you’re breathing in! Fuck you probably stink of it and others will notice.
never never have children with this drug taking selfish man baby.

Please do not have kids with him, when you are even more dependent on him it will be much worse. You need to make a plan in the background to move.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

One thing is clear, your post has absolutely nothing to do about smoking. He could give up tomorrow and the fundamental issue of how your boyfriend views you will remain.

I hope you are able to consider all of your options.

He's where he wants to be, you're miles from supports. He owns the place you live, you rent from him. He does what he likes, you can't have the home you want. He treats you like crap, you try to be nice.

It's all unbalanced. And he's happy with it like that. Save up, move out.

Thank you- I agree.
The smoking indoors is just the tip of the iceberg ❤️

Is he concerned about neighbours smelling his weed and that's why he prefers to smoke inside? My friend's partner smokes weed in their conservatory because of nosey neighbours.

Get on the phone to a trusted member of your family and tell them you need to leave and can they help you, could your parents put you up?
Can you transfer your job or work remotely or just leave it? Your safety and well being are more important than a job.

He made his decision. Now you need to make yours based on that. Xx

I agree with you profusely x

I think that’s part of the reason but there are times that he will smoke outside so they will be able to smell it anyway. I get upset because I wonder why he is more concerned about displeasing the neighbours over displeasing me x