Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

You need to catch a grip and grow the fuck up. If you hate his guts file for divorce and leave. Apply for a child arrangement order. Work on getting away from him. Your still wasting your time and your life focusing on winding him up instead of your future without him.

I think if you play stupid games you'll win stupid prizes. You seem very set on this cause of action. I just think it makes you look childish and desperate.

You have changed the story, if you want to meet other people with no connection to your husband or have a one night stand with a stranger or something to validate yourself and feel liberated and you are mutually agreed that you are separated, that's entirely different to the story you have told so far.

Erm, you've got a lot of growing up to do OP. Flirting with another man in front of your husband will be making things at home 1000000x worse - for your kids. You think your husband will hold off berating you until your kids aren't there? Of course he won't (and I wouldn't blame him).

You aren't an "individual". Sorry to break it to you, but you're still married - you can't just do whatever you want (if you want the moral highground).

If you do this, you'll absolutely be making yourself look absolutely pathetic.

Get a divorce and then flirt with whom you like.

The pair of you need your heads banging together.

No, men do not make your life better. You do. By being a mature individual and getting out of a bad living situation. What you’re planning on doing is just immature shit stirring. Get out and make a life for yourself that doesn’t involve your husband or his friends. If you think your kids are unaffected by your behaviour and living situation with your husband you are so wrong.

I'll post an honest update on Sunday.

No doubt.

Sorry, but you really are despicable. At least have the decency to leave your husband before you come on to his friend. This will only end in disaster - which you are creating.

@suspiciousqueen you are absolutely going about this the wrong way.
Everything you have written down is immature and short-sighted.

'Chatting up' a man who KNOWS you are married with your H present is going to be fucking awkward and ridiculous.
Let's say he is into you, and is a decent man, he will do absolutely NOTHING to reciprocate, as you are MARRIED & YOUR H IS THERE.
He will also think you are promiscuous and probably stupid.

Do you actually want to live in the same house as your DH?
Would you like to get divorced?
Start going to see a lawyer and see what your options are

Just because you are divorced does not mean he can't be a hands on, devoted parent. Your DC will be able to tell you have a shit marriage and you are both giving them a really shit example of what a healthy family dynamic is.

Grow up OP. Start lawyering up.

You seem hellbent on doing this 🤷‍♀️

Your energy would be better directed towards splitting up with your husband if it's that bad

I feel sorry for the friend. Why involve an innocent man in your mind games.

Think for a moment how it would appear if your best mate's husband started cracking on to you at a party when your best mate was there! To you and to everyone there (including your best friend) it would be horrible. Desperate, embarrassing and awkward.
There would be nothing exciting or empowering about it. Whatever their marriage problems, the husband would come across as a sad, sleazy bloke.
This is exactly the scenario you are planning to create.

If you want a confidence boost go on online dating and you'll find hundreds of blokes that would love to flirt with you. I'm not sure why you would choose the alternative of flirting with your husband's friend in front of your husband unless you are desperate to embarrass everyone there!

Time to take a very close look at yourself, your marriage and perhaps arrange to see a counselor.

Op will posting here in a few years saying that everyone turned against her when her marriage ended. That her kids have suffered greatly, they seem to blame her too and then be claiming to be the victim.

With a name change and leaving all this out to get sympathy.

’I am just going to talk to the friend’. What bullshit. Who wouldn’t talk to their husbands best friend at a group dinner. It’s not really thread worth is it.

How does ‘flirting with my husbands best friend in front of all their friends whilst not talking to my husband’ signal ‘I am building a better life for myself’

It signals ‘I am desperate and bitter and an attention seeker and going to cause trouble wherever I can’.

Attracting the attention of a man isn’t a building a better life’. Certainly isn’t building a better life for your kids.

Who even goes on dinners with their husbands friends, when you didn’t before, when you are separated and hate eachother. So weird.

This 👆

I have no idea why you have decided this is a good idea when literally everyone on this forum has told you it’s a bad idea. But you think you know best! Unless this is the first summer holiday teenage troll?

Feel sorry for you husbands mate! If one of my husbands friends tried similar with me I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole!

I’m sorry, I feel for the situation you’re in but it pisses me off so much when people like you act as though your kids won’t be harmed by this. Of course they fucking will. They don’t need to see you dry humping daddy’s mate in a bar to understand something really shit is going on. You’re letting them down by pretending that you have some sort of harmonious home life. They aren’t stupid.

I think you actually want a reaction from your husband. Maybe jealousy, maybe anger, but what you're planning (apart from being stupid, immature and almost guaranteed to backfire quickly) is to get his attention. Otherwise, why his friend, why in his company?

You don’t need to scream and shout at each other for kids to know. My parents never did but I remember telling a friend when I was 11 that they were getting divorced (they did when I was 17).
So; two issues. First - do what you want. Flirt with this poor bloke as an ego boost; quite what you’ll get from it ultimately is questionable and he will feel like a twat and used and your husband can always use it as evidence to all the onlookers that you are unreasonable but sure, you do you.
But second issue; don’t pretend your kids don’t know. They bloody know.

So why did you ask AIBU?

@suspiciousqueen

Sure, honeybunch, you do you. Just be prepared for a shower of 'We told you so's when your 'plan' backfires and you're back on here wondering what the hell happened.

It will affect your kids.

Your h won't like it.

There will be rows and drama. All witnessed or heard by your kids.

All because you wanted to get some teen ego boost.

Just get divorced. Go for 50/50 custody.

You can go into “self destruct” mode on your own why do you feel the need to involve everyone else? Your behaviour is pathetic and you should be ashamed of yourself. Just about every single person who has replied to your original post has advised you do this the proper way and cut out all the attention seeking drama. You are playing with peoples feelings and likely to hurt your children. How can you be so damn pig headed and immature? The only person who is likely to get seriously hurt from all this is you. Look at the replies to your OP you are hardly garnering any support now are you? Leave the open flirting with hubbys friend out of this, stop involving others and do this correctly. If you don’t you are going to come out of this looking nothing more than stupid. Give your damn head a wobble and grow up.

No.

Shitting on your own doorstep is not the way to build a better life for yourself.

“Anyone have any decent flirting techniques???”

You’re an attention seeking troll nothing more.